Mother-in-law Hell

Are you MY mother-in-law???? My mother in law THINKS I hate her and thinks I want my husband to hate her, but it’s not true!!! I love her dearly and when we speak on the phone I give her all the attention that she wants/needs and NEVER disrespect her by disagreeing with her. I always speak positively and uplifting words to her, but she seems to never hear them. My mother thinks she puts up a wall when I speak sweet words to her because my mother in law is used to drama and being spoken to like a child from her own mother. My mother thinks my mother-in-law is so used to negativity, she craves it, and I think she does. So, when she doesn’t get any drama from me, she creates it. Here’s an example- she and I were talking on the phone the other day and I told her I was worried I couldn’t get pregnant. She told me that perhaps her other son would offer his sperm to us if we couldn’t get pregnant. I told her not to ask him because I thought it might be weird. She called my husband and TOLD HIM I CALLED HER UP AND ASKED FOR MY BROTHER’S-IN-LAW SPERM!!! My husband came to me in a huff and said, “Did you call my mom up and ask for Jeff’s sperm?” I said NO! THIS is the kind of thing that drives me crazy. I never let her know I’m mad, though. As my Daddy always tells me, “never let ‘em see you sweat.” So I “win more flies with honey than with vinegar” hopefully. But, not with this lady. She’s addicted to painkillers and falls asleep with lit ciggies in her hand while sitting up. My husband and I pray each night for her and for all our family members and anyone we might come in contact with ever and pray that we may be a blessing to them. I know why she is in my life. The Lord wants to see if I’m going to let her get to me and act out. I won’t let her have that satisfaction.

So, Ms. GB, I do NOT have a very nice mother-in-law. My husband is doing the best he can with all this, and I love him and I am NOT going to be dramatic like his mother, when chaos breaks loose; I’m going to handle myself like a lady would and hold him and tell him how much I love him and act like this is just “water off a duck’s back.” It’s not easy, though. But I’m a woman. Hear me roar… prrrrrrr.. Any advice or questions for me?

I’m sorry you think your dil is “jealous” of you, but I daresay if your late mil treated you the way we get treated, you’d be singing a different tune.

All I know is that I love my child with all my heart and that is not going to change. and when my baby grows up I will still give her love and respect her own space. so whe she gets married I will still love her very much and lots of hugs. My point is that I just want my MIL to love his son and give him a big hug and respect his own space. space with his wife and kids. And be happy. I always ask myself, don’t she loves the person who loves her son, the person who takes care of her son, the person who make the meals for her son, who make him smile. I can say that my husband is happy and I love him very much and he loves me very much too.

Yes, we will all be MIL one day. I hope I have given my children enough love and guidance that when they are adults, they will be able to make their own decisions about who to marry. I will steer clear of snide comments about my future DIL or SIL’s looks, religion, upbringing, family, etc. I will try to look at whether or not my children are happy with their chosen mate, because that’s what matters most.

The greatest line from a movie - “Monster in Law” with Jane Fonda and Jennifer Lopez - (Jane Fonda’s character is a replica of my MIL) - when her assistant is listening to Fonda rattle on and boob about wanting her son to be happy, her assistant looks at her and says something like “well whatever told you he wasn’t”? Big a-ha moment for Jane Fonda’s character. Gosh, a man can love his mom and wife at the same time! Many MIL’s have huge problems letting go of their sons if they don’t have a fulfilling marital relationship and this was a perfect example!

MIL’s - If your son is happy, and his wife makes him happy and is a good mom to the kids, let it go for pete’s sake!!!!!

I know that I will be a MIL one day and I am praying that I will not be like mine. I will not differentiate between my sons, DIL, SIL, daughters, and grandchildren. I will not put on a pedestal those that use me for money, and will appreciate the ones that dont. I will respect them as I will like to be respected. Most of all I will spend my time with my Dh, sisters and friends. I will let my children have their own lives.

Today’s update: MIL called my dear husband and said she’s going to try and take our car away. It’s in my father’s-in-law name and she said she would be fine if I’d just go away. What a sweetie! I sat my husband down, held him and told him how sorry I am that this is happening and that I love him, and prayed for her. Prayed for her peace, our peace, and that she would realize how much she is loved. I think any other mother in law with a daughter-in-law from hell would be extremely happy to have me as a daughter in law.

MAY I MENTION AGAIN IF I HAVENT—- SHE INTRODUCED ME TO HIM…

SHE GAVE ME HER ENGAGEMENT RING TO GET MARRIED WITH TO HER SON… NOW, SHE’S DECIDED THAT SINCE WE WON’T MOVE IN WITH HER THAT I NEED TO GO AWAY NOW…

SHE INTRODUCED US… PERIOD. BET SHE WON’T DO THAT WITH HER LAST REMAINING SON!

The poor woman… I feel sorry for her. I really do. She’s missing out on the wonderful relationship we could have. I am NEVER going to stop praying for her!!!

Angelacellis- How long have you been with your DH? I am thinking that not too long since you still have some hope that MIL will change. MIL manipulate there children with money. She is taking the car away because you Dh wont do what she wants and that is to leave you. You should try reading the book “toxic in-laws” it explains the different behavior that in-laws have towards hating the new family member. Also, a piece of advice if you keep letting her push you around and you do not stand up for yourself, you will be looking for professional help in a couple of years. You need to vent your anger, because she will bury you. Her purpose is to kill your spirit and you need to fight back. I did not learn this from the book but from actual life experience. I have always been a fighter but my DH sister-in-law was not so lucky. She always wanted to ignore MIL behavior in order to keep her on her good side, and because she did not want her husband to leave her. SHe let MIL run her life, she was happy at first since MIL did all the house chores, helped them with money, and payed attention to her children. She has turned her own child against her, he says that his mother is lazy and never wants to be her, he fights so that he can be with MIL. Ten years later she is a shell. I guess its true what they say “laugh now, cry later”. Take care and good luck.

I have been with my DH for a year this past June 5th. We are getting ready to go to our first marriage counseling session because of her. He has been brain-washed by her for so many years, he knows she is nuts, but he still tends to try to make her happy, which he doesn’t need to do. He just wants everything to be rosy, which it can’t always be. I can’t stand up to her verbally because I’ve already filed a police report about her since she threatened my life. The police say to not talk to her if she calls and if she comes to my home, to call them to have her removed. We live in Dallas, Tx county and the police said it’ll cost a lot to get a restraining order. I don’t think that I need to do that just yet. I’ve got the police on my side, so I won’t let her know my feelings at this current moment in time. I can have small satisfactions in doing things like burning pictures of her, whether they be the only copy or not, breaking the china she gave us or selling it, my DEAR MOTHER OF MINE called me today and told me she found a beautiful gold ring that she will give me to replace the one my MIL gave me. I hate having it on my hand since she gave it to me. It’s the ring she got married to my father-in-law with and the ring I got married to her son with. So, I take pleasure in the small things I can do to let out my frustration. I haven’t taken my in-laws’ pictures out of our Wedding Album yet. Maybe that’ll be fun therapy for me since I can’t smack her in the face like I want to. I’m praying!

p.s. I read my postings on here to MY mother and she thought it was a hoot and laughed hysterically. I guess it’s better to laugh than cry. She said she wished she’d had something like this website to help her when she got married to Daddy. But, she got married in 1968, alas, no help but old fashioned stuff for her.

P.S.S. MY MOTHER IN LAW INTRODUCED ME TO HER SON…

JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE’S CLEAR ON THAT…SHE’S THE ONE WHO SET US UP. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! THE REST IS HISTORY. WELL, NOT SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.

JEALOUS of you? See, this is just the kind of thing my MIL would say. How in the world could someone be jealous of the relationship you have with your son? In terms of relationships we are talking apples and oranges, lady. I do not wish to have been the one who changed my husband’s diapers… but sometimes I seriously suspect she wishes she was the one sleeping with him.

I understand that one day we might be MIL, but it’s the kind of Mil that makes the difference. I was once told that you raise a son to be a man and father. When he becomes a husband you see all your hard work laid out in front of you. If as a mother your were insecure or had attachment issues that will be reflected in your kids. If you don’t have a life and use your kids to provide entertainment than that will also be mirrored. I am sure that there are wonderful mils out there. There are also aliens, storks that deliver babies, and super-heros, I am just waiting until they are discovered.

How do you know that she hates you and keeps your son away from you? Did she actually tell you that? Or, is it something you believe to be true? Have you heard her raise hell with him if he calls you?

my situation in similar…….however i have tried all I know to do…my DIL was fine as long as her Mom was not in her life…now that she is…its like there is no room for me. I am not allowed to babysit AT ALL…like I didnt do a good job raising my son HER HUSBAND & THEIR DAD…as long as I am buying or doing it is ok…let her family be around & I am ignored or smart comments made. This all began when her Mom came back & after multiple times I let them live FREE with me. My husband is just totally IGNORED..he has just given up trying..I cant my son & grandkids are my life

Westie Butterfly!!!!!!!!
O…M….G!!!!!!!!!! I stood up, applauded, and bowed to your post. I’ve never heard it stated better.

Awesome. Just awesome.

HA HA…No, I think she’s MY MIL y’all! That’s exactly what my MIL says, and I am in NO WAY jealous of her. My DH rarely calls her because he can’t stand to hear her whining and complaining and how she tries to control our lives. She even accused me of not allowing him to call her. I’m like, “Hey, he’s not even around me a good 8-11 hours a day. He could call and I wouldn’t even know it.” But, of course, I am totally jealous of her if you listen to what she tells everyone else…and I’m sure they all sit there baffled by this accusation, because all she does is sit around, eat, and gain weight. She has NO friends, none of her inlaws like her, and she won’t drive more than 5 miles from home because she’s “afraid”. Yep, I’m definitely jealous of that.

Cheers Westie…you said it best!

I understand I will be a MIL one day. DO you know my mother-in-law? Met her?? then you have no right to comment!!!! If anything I have LEARNED how ot to be as a MIL. I will NEVER tell my sons wife she is not good enough, and I will never tell my son I HAVE to come before his wife!!!!! I wish I had a wonderful mother-in-law that I could tell my grandchildren about. But unfortunately that did not happen. So I don’t care what you say or think. Unless you walk in our shoes you should keep your comments to yourself!! Not everyone is as lucky as you were!!!!!!

You say that she gets pissy with your son whenever that two of you talk…but do you have PROOF of that? Does your son tell you that or do you just assume?

My MIL says that same thing…and yet Never once have I gotten mad about them talking…in fact I love it when they do because I believe family is important.

Make sure you have DEFINATE PROOF before you make accusations.

Most DIL’s here on this site have had this stuff said to their face…That is their proof.

WestieButterfly,
Your comment is still making me laugh and I am pretty sure that my MIL does want to sleep with her son. At our wedding the mother-son dance was my MIL trying to molest her son while he tried to ward off her advances. Our ushers eern took bets as to how many times she would try to kiss him during it. You stated that beautifully.

You are being naive. You may have had a good mother in law but many people do not. I don’t think the manipulative mother in laws in the world need defending. They are more than able, even more than the people they victimize, to take care of themselves. Too many of the troublesome mothers in law don’t want to make a life for themselves (working, having friends, etc.), and live through their children. Like vampires, they want your spouses life. It’s not cute to watch or be a part of.

The stories people tell on this website show mothers at their worst.

I have a MIL and I am a MIL. I do not treat my DIL the way my MIL treats me. I do not insert myself into my childrens lives or make comments to thier wives or husbands. I know how much a MIL comments can hurt. I do not try to tell my children and their spouses what, when, or how they should do something. I respect the fact that my grandchildren are not mine and that I have no say so in raising them. I did not allow my MIL to advise me on how to raise my five children and I would not tell my children how to raise their children. MY MIL live next to me she comes to my house uninvited all the time. She never leaves without saying something nasty everytime. I have hated her for 15 years and she is like a bad tooth she keeps on being a pain. Luckily she is in her early sixties and in failing health. Hopefully soon she will die. Thats party day for me. I have been married twice and both MIL were rejects. My current MIL thinks because she goes to church that her behavior is covered. What a way to get into hell. I will see her there I have no doubt.

Westie, you hit the nail on the head!

GB, I have two sons quickly approaching their teens, and I have NO intention of treating them OR their gf’s the way I’ve been treated. I understand that not all MILs are the same. My ex-husband’s mother was one-of-a-kind. I cried more over losing her than my ex. You have to trust that we don’t do google searches to find websites like this one for the heck of it or for a chuckle. Most of us have MILs that we honestly cannot cope with, and we DO need the advice, or at least an OUTLET! My current MIL is a nightmare, and although I hate it that this many other people are dealing with the same, it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

What occured to me when I first read your post is why in the world are you posting to this site. Why are you looking at a site for bad MILs if you don’t have a bad MIL and if you are a MIL? I am sure that we are all justified in our feelings and this is a place to vent and talk about them.

Well, I have finally told my mother in law off. She had every fake excuse to try to sound like she had no idea. I called her out on it…and she had trapped herself in a corner and just cried and made more excuses. Also, she admitted that she feels like I took her son away from her. What bullshit that is..I have only tried to be close, her son sees how ugly and what kind of snobby person she is. If her own husband has made comments about her and her daughter being bitches. Then what does that say about it!! She is jealous about our relationship, we take care of all of our responsibilities and our morals are good, with family, kids, life, each other. SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM??

Apparently some of our MIL tits are still leaking milk and, obviously they think their sons are still babies I guess.
B/c of the way my mil has treated me and my husband, I now have a nasty outlook on the relationship that we can and will not have because of the lies, and judgements…. that they are better than anyone. Now I can no longer be nice anymore and I cannot bite my tongue and act as a doormat or puppet so they can look perfect. I have never in all the years I have been with my husband done anything to deserve any of the abuse…

I’m sorry u lost a mil that you had a good relationship with as they are so few and far between. I don’t doubt for a second that these stories are as bad as they sound. My mil has messed up a lot of things out of sheer meaness. Her son, my ex husband, turned abusive and beat me up pretty bad one night so I filed charges. He took our son to her house where she tried to steal my baby, and told me I could come see him whenever i wanted, But I wasn’t allowed on their property for 3 days. Texas has several loopholes like if you have your gate closed and tell somone they’re trespassing then they will get arrested for stepping foot on the property and the cops can’t take a child from one parent to give to the other w/o something in place. Even if there’s a pending assualt charge. Since I went to the police station instead of calling them to the scene he did not go directly to jail. I lost 7 lbs in those three days that they kept my child over there. I do let her have a relationship with my son, but I tell you I didn’t want to and I don’t like it but she does love him and I would be in the wrong to deny him his grandmother’s love. but when he get’s old enough to understand I will tell him all the terrible things she did to his mother. I don’t care if that’s wrong or not. But being a mother I hope that my son chooses somebody that I like. It would be very difficult for any mother that loves her children to see something going on in her children’s life to keep her mouth closed in that kind of situation. Some women are just evil. My relationship with my mil reminded me of somebody throwing rocks at an injured dog. They really love to kick you when your down. My grandmother was like that to my mother as well. I saw it even as a small child. Children understand more than you think they do.

I got nervous for a second there, I thought my mil might have been on this site. How old is your son.. My husband is 29 and has made an adult decision not to visit his mother.. he is not chained to my side and can visit his mother whenever he wants and I have told him that… HE HAS CHOSEN NOT TO VISIT HER!!!! I’m curious if this woman has been divorced, because it seems to be a trend with these crazy mil’s. Why do mil’s think we are so jealous of them? I don’t get it……..

Cassie, I totally agree with you, my mil said I was nice to her until I got what i wanted. When I “took her son from her” I didn’t need her anymore..which is so untrue… she loved me until the day we got engaged!! It’s been hell ever since

I so thought this was my MIL, even when my husband and I hadn’t even been dating a year, my parents asked that we have dinner with them once a week. my MIL in turn said i was “steeling him from the family” Oh and Kristin, i think the divorce thing is a good reason as to why MILS act like that. My MIL and FIL got seperated a month after my husband and I started Dating. He moved back in with her, after a year. But everyone, all her kids and family say shes crazy now because he left her. Shes a wack job!

Oh my God! My own MIL found this site and posted her story!

Seriously GB, you need to face reality. Your DIL isn’t jealous of you. Your son doesn’t talk to you becuase he doesn’t want to. The fact here is that you don’t know how to have a relationship with your son since he became a married man. If you refuse to wake up and face reality you will be very lonely for the rest of your life.

lovehimhater you hit in on the head.. my mil is going to be a very lonely woman in the future because of the way things are going, she has isolated everybody in her family except my husbands older brother and his wife… she has aliented her sister and her family, her brother, and my parents.

This is to all of you ladies out there.

You first were young girls in your mother’s care liked to play with dolls. One day you met a boy who as a boy was in his mother’s care. And he took you to be his wife and had a baby of your own. And his mother became your mother-in-law. And if you ladies have not noticed it yet this mother in law thing goes around you too will get your turn.

I can understand where some of you are coming from. I was married for 17 years I had a wonderful relationship with my MIN all I had to do is to be a little more understanding. I have been divorced for 18 years and my MIN and I are still talking and getting together. The story about monster mother in laws is a myth and many of us are being misunderstood because of it before we are even given a chance. I agree with you that there are women out there that are very cruel to each other but please don’t make it sound that all mother in-laws are the same. I miss my son and my grandchildren and I pray that God will forgive my DIN for the pain she is causing us. She doesn’t want me to see her kids and I have stayed away so that I will not cause any more pain to my son’s life. I have not seen my son or his kids for three years and before that I sow them very little. And I don’t know why.

Ladies you can love your children all you want but if you have boys when they get married “she” will kick you out just for being his mother. This is a chain that needs to be broken and if you girls start now by the time your turn comes to be MIN’s you will be treated better. I wish you all the best.

To Lisa..I don’t think so!! The “chain” that needs to be broken is that the mother’s need to let go of the sons..Face reality and realize that he’s no longer your little baby but he’s a grown man with his own family and you can no longer control his life!! You can’t speak for everyone on here either because there’s some real monster in laws out there and I for one am a witness to one..MY OWN MIL!! She’s a lying, control freak that can’t let go and because of that she choked the relationship that she once had with myself and my husband. It’s gotten to the point that he doesn’t want to be around her. Everytime she’s sticks her nose into our lives, she causes drama!

Just to re-cap..MIL’s…Butt out and let go!!!!

To
fed_up_DIL
You sound very bitter and I don’t believe your MIN has anything to do with that. You don’t even know me and you are attacking me for expressing my opinion. Maybe you are the controlling one. Unless your MIN lives with you she couldn’t be that controlling from where she is. And for your information I don’t hold on to my son and he is not my baby I brought him up to be a very responsible man and I am proud of him. The last time I met him he hugged me and he cried along with me and told me that he loved me and that he is sorry for the way things are but he has to keep peace for his children and I respect him for that.
He goes to work and earns the money to give his family all they need. When he gets back from work there is never a meal ready for him, he cooks and takes care of his children wile she goes out. She also plans his weekends because she is too tired of taking care of her children all of the five days so she feels she should have the weekend off. She wanted children so much that she told my son that she had to get pregnant the first month they met, because she would not be able to have any children the year after. But now she is too tired to take care of them. how do you think my son feels three children later when he found out that there was nothing wrong with her health but it was just a trick. My son is a good man and he puts up with her dements for his children’s. It was me that taught to be who he is. The reason she won’t let me see my grandchildren is not of who I am or what I do or say but because my DIN doesn’t want me to see what is going on and that my son is doing everything.
You will only receive what you give and I don’t think any of you in this website are the giving kind. You are all very cruel, disrespectful and a disgrace to all women. And one day every thing you say and do to your MIN’s will come back to hunt you. And for those of you who have boys you will for sure get a very good taste of what you are causing your MIN’s.
.

To Lisa
There are three sides to every story, his hers and the truth. Maybe you didn’t realize this but you just bashed his wife in your post and put your son on a pedestal. I say this because my MIL says the same thing about me. Apparently she really doesn’t have a clue what goes on in our relationship because if she did, she’d know she’s way off base with her accusations. I’m not saying you’re wrong but you’re quick to throw accusations and you don’t even live with your DIL and DS. Perhaps that might be the cause of you not being able to see your son and grandchildren. I personally wouldn’t go to that length by cutting off my MIL from her grandchildren but it takes a lot prayers and God’s strength for me to not to cut my MIL off.

And if it weren’t for me pressuring DH to talk to his mother, he would have cut her off years ago. Wives have alot of pull with their husbands and I would suggest trying to talk and have open communication with her first. Bashing her will get you nowhere.

To Lisa,

Lenore made a very good point, and you need to re-evaluate your position.
I don’t think the women on this site are cruel or disgraces to all womenkind, I think they in the most part have reached the breaking point and have stood up and said “NO! I WILL NOT BE TREATED THAT WAY ANYMORE!”
Sometimes they may say things you don’t want to hear, take it under advisement and think about that point of view. Maybe they say it harshly to get your attention and get you thinking from a different angle.