My husband and I have been married for 5 years. I (J) am 30 years old and he (G) is 25 years old. This is my 2nd marriage and his 1st marriage. I have a child by my first husband who is 12 years old (P) and I also have a child with my current husband who is 5 years old (R). G and I have a great life together but I’m sick and tired of dealing with his family. His mother divorced his dad when he was 5 years old. He and his dad hasn’t had a relationship until I came into the picture because of the lies his mother has told him. He was on a road to no-where and since he and I have met, so many people have told me how I turned him around. Since he and I have been together, he tells me things his mom did to him growing up (like kicking him out of the house at 15 - making him live in his truck, not feeding him, didn’t take care of him, hitting him etc.) He has told me stories about him having to find dirt roads to park his truck at night to sleep, eating 1 small snack a day, taking baths at truck stops or waiting up until they went to work and then took a shower at their house. I have tried to have a relationship when her but it is impossible. She has tried everything to hurt me and my kids. She would buy for my younger son and nothing for my older one. My son would ask questions about why she did this. My older son’s grandmother who is my ex-husbands mother died because of cancer. The only other grandmother he has is my mother. She would treat him different than my younger son and it ate at my heart because I was sick and tired of her doing this. Finally, G saw this happening and completely let her have it. He told her that they were both his children and if she did for one she would have to do for the other and if she didn’t then he didn’t want anything to do with her. Well, lets just say we didn’t communicate with them for months. She then called crying to him telling him how sorry she was, and some how eased her way back in causing more hell!!! She doesn’t have anything to do with our kids. She may see them 4 times a year (she lives 5 mins away). She spends most of her time with G’s oldest sister’s kids . She complains to G about what all she does for her mother and how she is being abused by her but yet she keeps doing it. Oh, and by the way, MIL HATES me for some reason. She acknowledges G to her kids but I don’t exist. She doesn’t talk to me or anything. I have tried to talk to her but she is so jealous of us. Supposedly from what his step-dad has told me she is jealous because he has me in his life now and I am taking care of him and also she wasn’t the one who found him a girlfriend or something like that) She has to be the center of attention (has 4 kids and another on the way)!! I don’t have much to do with his side of the family because of all the drama except for his real dads mother. She is elderly and took G in when his mom kicked him out of the house again at the age if 17. He quit school got his GED and started working. I LOVE her to death. She is the only one who has given him a change and has given me a chance. The bottom line is this, I know I am not suppose to hate anyone but why do them so much?? How can I feel something for this lady that has caused so much paid to my husband? How can I have a decent relationship with someone who turned her back on her only son and watched him struggle but yet tells everyone else how great of a mother she was. I can’t stand this!!! I can’t stand to hear her name!!! Why do I feel this way? How can I get it to stop?
Another thing,
Well, yesterday, we found out that G’s step-father’s dad passed away and she has called G wanting him to do this and do that. G feels obligated to participate because his step-dad was always there for him and he wants to be there for him. I am not sure what I need to do. I don’t know the family well. She is telling G what he can wear and can’t wear and I want to cuss her out!!!
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
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2 Responses to “Why Do I Feel This Way???”
Your story sounds quite similar to mine, it’s almost eerie! My hubby’s parents divorced when he was young too, he is the 2nd of 4 kids, FIL left MIL for her best friend. MIL poisoned the children against FIL and refused to allow visitations and did all she could to ruin the reputation of FIL. FIL packed up and moved to another state with his new wife and again, tried to keep in contact with the kids, MIL fought him every step of the way. Meanwhile MIL is locking herself in her room for hours on end to read books, talk on the phone, and totally ignore the kids. When the kids interrupted her or “upset” her, she would beat them with a bath brush - literally beat them, the stories each of the kids have shared horrifies me. (One time she beat my husband so bad that the brush broke and she continued beating him with whatever she could grab because he “made” her break the bath brush!) The summer before my hubby’s senior year of HS, MIL announced to all the kids that she was moving to Los Angeles and they had two weeks to find other family members to live with as she did not want them coming with her to ruin her life more than they already had. My husband was a talented HS wrestler and his coach had high hopes of him getting a full scholarship, well MIL Dearest ruined all that and told him he was too stupid for college anyway. All the kids managed to find relatives to take them in and life moved on. Eventually the two girls reunited with their father and moved to be closer to him and his new family. Fast forward 5 years, I meet my hubby, we fall in love and start planning our wedding. All family members warned me about MIL and began sharing all their stories, I didn’t want to meet her but had hopes that she would like me and blah blah blah. MIL hates me becuz when I met FIL, I liked him and helped FIL and my husband renew their father-son relationship that MIL had deprived them of for over 20 yrs. FIL even showed up letters and attorney correspondences on how he tried several times to get the kids away from her, it was heart-wrenching. One year later FIL dies and all the kids are devastated, furthermore MIL announces that she will be going to the funeral as well and will be staying with all of us at the sister’s house. The entire time was all about MIL, her hair, her clothes, her life, her “memories” and if anyone dare spoke of FIL she immediately shot them down. One afternoon MIL was reminiscing with my husband about their wonderful childhood and all the wonderful things she did for them, my hubby blew a stack and told her he wasn’t sure whose childhood she was remembering but it certainly wasn’t his or his sibling’s. It was at this time MIL declared her dislike and intense hatred for me, surprisingly I was relieved! I’d never met someone like her. Fast forward 10 years, MIL finally got kicked out her apartment in L.A., surprisingly she found that if you don’t pay the rent, ultimately you will lose your place to live. Since none of the kids are speaking with her, with exception to my hubby - they had “reconciled” at a family member’s funeral and they kept in touch with monthly phone calls, she decided she wanted to move to Florida to be near us. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! We had a camper out at a camp grounds and paid $300/mo for lot rent and electricity for it, it was our weekend getaway. MIL decided she would live in it with her pit bull. Not only did she NOT pay the lot rent each month, several times we received notices that she wasn’t able to control her dog and several people were complaining. She didn’t care and it only fueled her energy to piss off more people. She would also demand that my husband take her grocery shopping as she was worried she would get lost and blah blah blah. I lost count of the times she “forgot” her wallet and we ended up paying for her $200 grocery shopping spree. At Christmas she showed up with her damn dog - we had 2 cats and a dog and it wreaked havoc. My husband yelled at her for bringing the dog so she put the dog in her little compact car . . for hours! At gift time she presented my husband and my son each with a gift, not a thing for me. My husband got a used zippo lighter and my son got a used belt buckle - later found out they were stolen from a garage sale in our neighborhood. For me she was going to crotchet a table cloth for my dining room table and it would take her about a month to make it, 3 yrs later and I still don’t have it! lol….. A couple weeks after Christmas, MIL goes to my upscale hair salon and has her hair colored, cut and styled by my stylist. When it comes time to pay she informs them that she is my MOTHER and I will be stopping by after work to pay her bill. Imagine my surprise getting the phone call from them wanting to know when I’d be in to pay her $195 bill, and here’s the icing on the cake, she wouldn’t leave a tip cuz she wasn’t sure she liked the end results. I was so embarassed and frazzled. Somewhere along the line my hubby started getting closer to MIL and began siding with her. Then he began name-calling me, telling me how awful I am to MIL and said I was cruel and heartless as MIL deserves respect and courtesy, something she has never shown anyone! Then all his siblings, except for the older of the girls, began siding with MIL too. Apparently it’s my responsibility to work things out with her and I’m just cold-hearted and mean, or maybe I mental health issues. These are the same folks that for 18 yrs have sent holiday cards to just my husband, never any mention of me or my children (they are from a previous relationship) and if they happen to call on my birthday, it’s happened a couple times, they don’t acknowledge it and rudely tell me to put my husband on the phone. I, like you, cannot find it in my heart to forgive MIL for anything, she is the worst example of a human being I know of. She has debts all over the US, still uses our address even though she lives in Arizona now and refers to me as a c***. While living near us she offended our friends every chance she got and once asked one of my close friends what was wrong with her to have someone like me as a friend, that she had figured she would be more selective and choosey in selecting friends. This comes from a woman that while using our computer one afternoon, accessed my resume, deleted my name and personal info, inserted her info and started sending it out to potential employers, she even sent it to my employer! She has never remarried and does not have friends, I believe it has to do with her story-telling and her MeFirst attitude, hell, it’s not MeFirst, it’s Me and ONLY ME with her! My advice to you is go see a psychologist or read some books on dealing the BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, or on Narcissism. Try “Stop Walking on Eggshells” by Randi Kreger & Paul Mason, or google Richard Skerritt and check out the books he’s written. “The Dance of Anger” and “Dare to Forgive” are also some great books. It won’t change your MIL, but it will give you tools to better deal with the situations that involve her. I’ve learned that it’s impossible to change another, but learning how to better respond/react to those hardest to deal with. Thanks for letting me share my story, I wish you the best for your situation. On the brighter side, remember you married your husband, not his family! Hugs to you!
Forgot to mention, my husband and his youngest sister have Borderline Personality Disorders. How coincidental these two are the only family members that have had lengthy contact with MIL. Trust me, she’s several fries short of a Happy Meal herself. For a few years I would send her flowers for Mother’s Day and I do my mother every year. One year she found out that the flowers were from me and not my husband - she called to thank him and he told her to thank me cuz I was the one sending the flowers every year . . . she threw the flowers away, the following year I sent them again and she refused them! When she left Florida abruptly, she left owing two month’s lot rent and had completely destroyed the camper. She’s like a tornado, always leaves destruction in her path and laughs about it or blames someone else. She is not human! Prior to my FIL’s funeral service, MIL instructed all the kids that they were not to cry or show any emotion becuz she didn’t want to be embarassed. Why was she even there? I lost all respect for her on that day. My blood boils at the mention of her name, which is why I chose to fix me and find tools to not let her bother me so much. I didn’t feel that she was/is even worthy of my anger, so now I’m learning apathy for her. I can’t wait for the day I’m no longer angry at her or with her and can finally feel not one emotion towards her or the mere mention of her name! It won’t change her but it most likely will add a few more years to my life! Sorry such a long response, it felt great to get that out of me and not bottled up inside anymore! Hugs,