When will her lies end…hopefully before my marriage!
by Jamie on 07/15 @ 4:05pmThe day I met her, when she looked me up and down, turned her head and neglected to say hello, I should have known I was in for a long haul. Since then she has tried her best to keep her son to herself. From the stories of all of the ex-girlfriends that were “like part of the family” to the lies she has created in her mind and tried convincing my husband and his family are true. After nearly taring apart my relationship after our first born, I have tried for years to be the bigger person out of respect for my husband and our daughter, but I don’t think I have the stregnth any longer.
My sister-n-law was recently married. While their was plenty of drama at the wedding caused by my MIL, I thought for once I escaped it. It wasn’t until five days later that I realized she saved the best for last. She had my father-in-law call my husband while he was working to inform him that I was flirting with his uncle, my FIL’s brother, showed him my underwear, and was seen making out with him in the woods behind the reception hall. My husband informed his father that he would speak with me about it and get back to him, as if I were a child that needed to be interrogated.
I returned home from work that evening and asked my husband why he was upset. After he told me, my body didn’t know how to react. I remember with my blood boiling I began to laugh and cry at the same time and just looked at him and said “I hate your family!” He and I spoke breifly about it as it didn’t take long to convince him that I didn’t do any of it, I mean come on, I was wearing granny panties that I am not even comfortable my husband seeing me in let alone teasing another man with (especially his Uncle!) and I hadn’t stepped foot in the woods behind the reception- EVER!
We then wondered how many people have heard this story. A few days later he called his mother to find out and she had told everyone in the family including his Nana and Pop pop.
To make the long story shorter, a few day’s later he told his parents that they are to go to him first with any story’s about me and that we will discuss them and work them out between the two of us. The same day they invited us to their home for dinner that Sunday. I wanted to scream when my husband asked if we could go. I told him I needed time to think about it and went back asking if we could meet for breakfast at a local diner as I wasn’t ready for all of that after what had happened. He agreed.
Now, two weeks later (breakfast was canceled as my SIL was in labor that morning), he and I are still not the same. I asked him what will happen the next time his mother does something like this as this was by far not the first incident and he just forgives and forgets so quickly. He said he didn’t know and suggested perhaps that since she and I do not get along maybe we should avoid seeing each other. I disagreed as our daughter would eventually catch on that something wasn’t right and I feel that he should stand by me and say that if they cannot accept me then they cannot accept us and we would move on without them. What are your thoughts?
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Advice
3 Responses to “When will her lies end…hopefully before my marriage!”
The absolute worst thing that you can do is give him an ultimatum because when you back someone into a corner, they are going to fight against you and it is all going to end badly.
The main problem reading this for me is the fact that your husband believed them about the Uncle in the first place, The second problem is that instead of telling them to poke their noses out of your business and to stop spreading lies about you to the family, he just goes on to say go to him first with any stories.
Jamie I read your story I feel for you! I wish they would have had something like this 25 years ago when I started going thur so much with my MIL.We did the on and off again relationship with her and when I would think thingd were better she would tell me “you know I can be spiteful” she has been a demon in my life all these years.You would think with time she would change but has not.It took 23 years for my husband to tell her that no one will ever come between us.its a long story and don’t have time to write about it now cause it would end up being a book.Just hang in there ya’ll may need to not visit as often so you can put more energy into your daughter,yourself & husband if not she will drain you dry to where there is nothing left.She probably won’t change just keep you on a roller coaster,its stuff I know just remember your a good mother and wife and STOP trying to understand her,please her,and keeping the husband as the defender of you because you may be waiting along time.I am a MIL now and totally nothing like the one I had!!!!!!we learn what not to be when our chilren marry!!!
Jamie: I was despised on-site. In the “getting to know you” stage my MIL started BS I live with to this day.
She is getting more cruel every chance she gets. Always out of eye/ear shot of my husband. She calls when she knows I’m alone to deliver 3 hours of religious nonsense. She even lies about what goes on at her cult of a church. Needless to say, she thinks I am dragging her son to hell with me. Then she will turn around and email her son to tattle on my supposed lying. I don’t like the way she goes behind my back. I no longer chat with her on the phone. I refuse to be alone with her. GAME OVER!
That one at least. She plays dumb but she’s a cunning angry person. She has caused a world of hurt over the years. I am trying to look at the big picture. I do what I can to avoid her but there’s always the element of what I can’t control. I don’t suggest trying to please your MIL. Don’t play her games or you end up carrying around pain without knowing it. I hope you can talk to your husband about it now. I hope you work together and nip her in the bud. Best Wishes