About four years ago i met my boyfriend, and coming into the relationship i knew he had a child, who was one at the time, from a previous marriage. about a year after we started dating his ex wife died and since his child was so young she has no memory at all of her mother, so here we are about 2 years later and she calls me mom, and i love and take care of her as if she were my own. i have happily taken on the roll of a mother, but there is one problem, my boyfriend’s mother spoils her constantly, picks her up at least four times a week, and since i have two jobs i dont get to see my child because on the days i do have off his mother has her. Everytime i mention that there is something i am going to buy my child for a holiday or a birthday she will run and buy it for her immediately. She just does what she likes when she likes. she does not give a damn about the rules of my house or the way i am choosing to raise my child. she questions me constantly. i would love to spend time with my child and make some long lasting memories for her, but i dont know what to say without sounding rude. my boyfriend and i have had talks with her about this, but she continues to go against our rules. HELP!
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Advice
2 Responses to “what should i do?”
First off…its time to wise up. If you tell her about things that you want to buy, and she buys them, and you don’t want her to buy them then don’t tell her what you want to buy. Its just that easy.
And why does she have her when you are off? I’m guessing your boyfriend is on board with you being her mom, so why aren’t you picking her up? Or at least have your BF tell your mom that you will be over to get her at the time that you can get there? Your BF is allowing his mom to be a dominant figure.
As for her not following your rules at her house…you got to let that one go. They never will. I fought that one too for awhile but you just got to move on. As long as it doesn’t affect the routine at your house then you just have to accept the grandma rule.
She acts dominant because your BF allows it. The problem starts there. Everything else is an affect from the problem. Set the boundaries.
Good luck!
Adoption. Adopt that little girl, legally make her your own and make your MIL go by your rules or cut her off. If she loves the child and wants to be with her she will abide by your rules and respect them. otherwise she doesnt get to see the child. Make it clear that you have adopted her and love her and your rules are to be obeyed.