My husband’s mother passed when he was six. His single father raised him, with a little help from family. He and his family has ALWAYS been close, which at first I thought was great! I come from a small family, so I thought the more the merrier! Boy was I wrong! My husband and I have not always seen eye to eye, and this first year of marriage has been REALLY hard! Over the last few years he has been “venting” to his family about me and OUR problems. And since his mother is no longer living he vents to none other than his FATHER and close female cousins! Well when he vents he of course is not exactly talking real good about me. I have vented to my mother, but I guess we are just different people compared to his family. My mom and dad have NEVER acted differently towards him, after my venting sessions! I blame him for his family not liking me, but I have also done my fair share of butt kissing and I’m still feeling unwanted. I’m at the point now, only after 3 short years. IM OVER it! I don’t care if they like me, I don’t care if they hate me. We are trying to have a baby. Should I try again to be in with the in-laws? I don’t want to be the family divider, but I can’t take back what my husband said about me either! What should I do?
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
3 Responses to “What about FIL Drama!?”
Tell him to talk to you as it should be, and leave his Family out of it , and include you in his life more, as you two are to be partners in this Marriage, and don’t want to hear about what he says to His Family second hand, if he can’t say anything nice about you to them, don’t sound to me like he’s happy or grown up yet !!!! And tell him so, he needs to hear it from you and now !
you need to set some ground rules and boundaries with your husband. he is NOT, under any circumstance, to share your problems as a couple with his family. to be fair, the same should apply to you. go to counseling. you need an objective party to help you sort through your problems. most importantly: STOP trying to have a baby immediately. it never makes things better. if there are problems in your relationship that aren’t getting proper attention, they will only get worse. strengthen your relationship first, then add a baby. the best thing you can do with regard to his family is stop caring what they think. they’re clearly being protective of your husband based on what he’s telling them. so, for now, let it roll off your back. once your husband stops “venting” to them, they’ll have less fuel to dislike you.
good luck.
Don’t even think about having a baby with your DH until the two of you undergo some intense marriage counseling. He should not be spilling his guts to his family. You and he need to work on communicating with each other.
- the shiksagoddess