My husband’s mother has forever babied my husband. When I first met him and he was living in his sister’s house, I thought it was a little weird, but I knew he was close to his family. His mother also lived there. By the time that we were married, I had too late found out what was going on behind the scenes with their mother-son relationship. She was still making him breakfast and doing his laundry, even when I started living there. Last Thanksgiving we went to my parents for dinner, but she still saved him a meal that could have lasted for days! I called her and asked her if she thought that he didn’t have a good enough Thanksgiving dinner. She still makes him lunch all the time. I don’t know what to do. Just tonight also, I found out that she calls my husband two to three times everyday! I feel like I don’t even know my husband or his family anymore. My husband is very defensive about this. It might be because when he was younger some parts of family turned their backs to my husband and mother and sisters, so maybe that’s why their so close? I just feel that this is unnecessary. She’s too into our relationship. Early in our relationship, when my husband and I were having problems, she was reading Women and from Mars, Men are from Venus! How do I tell her and especially tell my husband for her to get a life of her own!
This post was submitted by wecwatwer.
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11:21 pm
I had a problem similar to yours when I first married my husband…his mom was always in our personal life needing to know every lil detail and quarrel we had…me being new to the family and not wanting to step on any toes or hurt any feelings i kept my mouth shut for quite sumtime…because i was afraid of how my husband might react to these feelings i had toward her…month after month into our marriage she got worse and worse…not being able to take it anymore i spoke to my husband about the way i felt and seeing that he understood what i was talking about we both sat down with her and chatted about the way i felt…now im not afraid to step up and tell her when boundaries are being crossed and she respects my wishes and stays out of our personal life…so the best advice i can give is to SPEAK UP!!!…if your husband really loves you then he will understand that when he took you as his wife your needs and feelings matter first and formost!!!…hope this helps@—<—
2:56 am
I went through this with my man. As a result, we’re not together anymore after 8 years in relationship and 15 years of friendship. I should have put my foot down and tell his mom and sister to get a life. Now we’re both heartbroken. He spent 1500 minutes on the phone with his mom in one month. She told me a bunch of lies to make leave him alone. She made him get order of protection against me and when he dropped it she flipped out. She called him stupid, dumb, and that she was going to kill both of us. I don’t know what will happened between me and him. But I do know that he still loves me and don’t want to be with anyone else and neither do I. He lost a lot of weight and refuses to talk to me. He claims that he wants to move on with life but if that’s the case why is he grieving. Any thoughts on this?
9:51 pm
I am a CEo and editor of my own magazine - but that it is not enough for my Pmil-(potential) . She stops over at any time which sometimes I really dont mind but it’s the point of what she doe’s when she gets here - my fiance iss a bit of a tyrant so he complains about alot like oprah and etc. well she cosigns - for all of you who dont know what that means - Co sign ( Besides signing your name for a person to qaulify for property they would not originally for - the ghetto term - kissing ass excesively- more than usaul - boot licking etc)Example- lets say I turn to oprah - then he let out a gasp like “oh Lord’- and then she snickers and says - oh my goodness I know he is hating that or ha ha ha poor tim ” aaaarrrrrggghhhh I hate that or she aiways says - I know my kids - cant nobody tell me about your kids - I m sure - that why her chidren are emotional wrecks - But I do love my fiance - but I think his mother needs to get a back bone and stop being a slippery pretty snake - The end - god bless all sweet daughter n laws
9:34 pm
I feel for you guys because I am right there with you, especially Mary!!! U really described my MIL. I can tell you ONE thing that things will not get better after the marriage. My MIL treats my husband not only like a child but like a girlfriend, teasing him and coochie-ing him in front of me…which drives me INSANE!!! She is always acting like, “Oh I know my children” better than anybody and my children are so great, while they are quite brats! Although I do love my husband, I would suggest u to think things over before. Play it smart from start. Let her know where you draw the line. My MIL for which I will always hate her…took over the complete wedding and made it happen the way she wanted it. I resent her till this day. Please be emphatic and assertive from the very start and let her know what u will not have her do with you.
Best wishes.
8:53 pm
Hi everyone! Well, there’s been a little change since I left my first message that I think might help everyone. Ever since I decided to forgive my in-laws a little and go to a party they were throwing for my husband’s birthday, and they decided to passively make a comment right in front of me: (”I’ll sit next to her because I know no one else wants to!”), I have not gone to anything involving them ever since. I have decided that I will not subject myself to any form hurt from them. Since then, they have complained that my husband will not come over, and have asked us to come over, but I REFUSE… and since my husband won’t go to a party without me (he says that he will feel embarrassed because they’ll want to know what he’s doing without his wife) then he won’t go! So after a while, I think that they have realized that it you do not make the wifey happy, they you will not be happy! All throughout history, it has been the woman that has been the most powerful in the relationship even though it does seem like the husband… shhh! I say that I think they realize this now because now his mother will say hi every time I see her, she’ll compliment me, and she’ll speak in English once in a while! Also, I have not heard of any remarks from his sisters lately. I feel a lot better!mad
5:40 pm
Hey I never knew there were so many controlling mother in laws out there i feel so much better - and like Christine I am the same my MIL and sister in law is beginning to realise they are losing there son because i will not visit them anymore therefore he will not visit them -due to when he was hospital recently I asked for one hour a day on my own visiting with him they refused saying I had not known him long enough and he needed his mum more and I was selfish - what a goddam freak she is - The nurses ended up letting me visit outside of visiting times - God help us daughter in laws
12:05 pm
i have the worst mil from hell…. i have to live with her and i think she has driven me and her son apart, congratulations to her
7:19 pm
This sounds JUST like my husband and his mothers’ relationship! She treats him like a KING, always sending him gift cards, money, paying his bills, giving him a credit card that he uses and THEY PAY for… when we drive there for the weekend (2.5 hrs away) he is greeted with gifts and goodies and meals galore… laundry done and pressed, you name it!!
Also, I don’t think she’s ever thought I was good enough for her son because a) I am not hispanic (which his mom is- his dad is German) b) I am agnostic and she is hard-core Catholic c) I do not cook and clean and tend to my husbands every need like she always has. I’m just not that type of person!!
3:05 pm
Wow this is like reading my own story! (overbearing mil) i empathise really i do.. especially when it comes to the mother not realising that NO this is not HER husband but yours. I mean i get that mothers are meant to care and fuss a BIT but having seen how my MIL carries on its as though she’s trying to outshine me! i really dont think there is anything that we can do to change this as our men dont see our points of view, and see us as being petty.
All i know is that when i decide to have kids and if i have sons i plan on raising STRONG men who’s apron strings WILL be cut at the appropriate time. I refuse to become an over bearing MIL thats going to make some poor girl’s life miserable.
MIL’s need to realise that they HAD their chance of being a wife! they HAD their chance of fussing over their sons! why dont they just back off and let their sons lead NORMAL lives and maintain a HEALTHY mother, son, relationship! *sigh*
3:17 am
I feel at home on here your stories is exactly like mine she cooks for him, he had a cold one night and she cut up his food (he is almost 26) I was like are you. She texts him like at least 20 times a day and calls him all throughout the day and then he has to talk to her before he comes to bed which means I don’t see him until around 1030 or later , then he falls asleep when I try talking to him,she acts all nice around me unless I pissed her off by doing absolutely nothing (EXAMPLE)I told my bf that it smelled like a cat peed on the floor somewhere and she took it as I was saying her house was not being taking cared of come to find out the cat litter boxes were not changed in a while and it was stinking up every where but she should have not been mad at me she should have changed the stupid things or get rid of the cats they have 7 yuck, I have a newborn and I hate animals around her.and then she storms out of rooms when I am around and hides in her room we all live together and I want to get out I have told my bf I am going to give up and let her win but then I see him cry and I try to hold it in a lil longer I just wish he would grow up but I understand once he does move out either 2 things will happen either she will get worse and he will run to her or he will cut ties with her thats what I am hoping for I don’t mind if he needs babying I just wish it was from me more I want to take care of him now and I wish she would go away!!!!!!
1:57 am
My story is slightly different. The MIL is nice-so nice-toooo nice. Always asking do you want this -I can do that for you. For fiancees birthday 30th we went a restaurant for a meal on her-then she went out to the car and brought out a huge cake she had made in a special shop-then she got out the balloons-then she stuck sparklers with a huge number 30 in the cake and smiled at me-saying I hope you dont mind. Its almost like sugar coated arsnic that she serves up to me all the time. My fiancee just does not see it-we are getting married next year-6 years of living together-nearly every appliance in our house has been bought by his mother. Yes very generous-but-I mentioned to partner woudnt it be nice if we could buy something we liked instead of our home turning into your mothers house. He said I was being ungrateful. Its a no-win situation because I dont want to upset anybody and I dont have much family of my own. He spends around 2 hrs or so spread over a week talking to his mother on the phone-the last comment was-have you got the carpet fitted yet? because I will come and buy that for you-you just let me know dear. Dreading the prep for wedding-she retires from teaching 3 months before. I give up.
8:18 pm
I have the mother of all mother in laws…She has been certified by two states in the U.S to be legally insane, a violent paranoid schizophrenic, a life long alcoholic, drug addict and has moved in and out of her mothers house at least 12 times in the past two years. She has been homeless for about 6 months and both she and my hubby’s grandmother treat my husband like he’s two. They are very jealous of me and have done everything in their power to break us up. These two are thick as thieves and would lie, cheat, steal and kill to get what they want and they would cover for reach other till the day they die. My MIL “thinks” she’s a nurse and that the government is out to get her. She hides in the bushes every time a helicopter flies overhead and even at 60 yrs of age, will go to the first bar she can find and sleep with every nasty looser in the joint, just to take their money and send them to an early grave. They have never been responsible and she was a horrible mother who had orgies and drug parties will my husband starved in the next room. She constantly took money from him and made him (as a child) go door to door, begging for money so she could buy drugs. She even tried to kill him one day (when he was one) by turning on the gas and leaving him in the kitchen to die.
Boy- I sure picked a winner of a family to marry into didn’t I? My hubby’s family is as messed up as you can get. They ALL have mental, drug and alcohol problems and are pathological liars. They resent me because I am not “like them” and we are unable to even get together for a holiday or family picture without someone in his family being sent to the loony bin or jail. (yes, she has been arrested any times, and grandma came to her aid every time and bailed her “little baby” out.
Her lack of intelligence and sanity has led my husband to be a financial nightmare, unable to pay bills, keep a job or act like a man. He is constantly being babies and bailed out of his screw up s by his grandma. He never learns to grow up or be a man, because he knows grandma feels guilty for bearing such a horrible daughter and she refuses to let him go free and be his own man.
I have always been independent, strong, career orientated and well educated. They all hate me because I am catholic and come from a rich family. I had to get married by a JP because his family refused to enter a catholic church on our wedding day, and my mother in law threatened to shoot me with a shot gun when we told her we got married. (she had a real shotgun pointing at me) I’m not kidding…
Lord- it’s been 18 yrs and I am soooo sick of dealing with his family- especially my MIL. I have been trying to move back to be with my family for 17 yrs- but my husband won’t cut the cord - his grandma keep telling him she’s sick and he can’t leave- but she’s in better shape than I am. (and she’s 75) I don’t know what to do- my family is getting older and having very serious health problems and because of my hubby’s family- I haven’t been able to spend more than a week every ten-15 yrs with them (of course, we’re poor because of his credit and financial screw ups. He’s even stolen from me and lied about it- I am very very sick with a neuro/autoimmune disease and I cannot work anymore- so I am left to deal with all of this with no money and no options. My MIL has already been linked to two “suspicious deaths” of unknown origin and I’m afraid she will get drunk, be of her meds and do something crazy to our home one day. She is also Bi-polar- so when she is drinking and off her meds- she goes on a violent tirade and all hell breaks loose.
So this is my life in a nutshell….
Anybody have any advice ?
“harried and hopeless”