Well where do i start?? My MIL is unbearable!!! I have been with my husband for 7 years, and we have been married for 4 years. I never really noticed the bitchy comments from her, until our wedding day, when she called me FAT in my wedding dress. I had been previously upset that i had put on weight (unknown to me that i was actually pregnant), and she knew that i was upset that my wedding dress didnt fit properly, but yet said ” here comes the bride, all fat and wide!” That and the following behaviour of my husbands family ruined our wedding day, but as usual it has got turned round, and all that went on was our fault.
Any birthdays, or family events within the family, we have to go to see them on their birthday, and we have to make sure we kiss each and everyone to say hello, and then again to say goodbye. I didnt go to one persons birthday one time, and she threatened me saying she will cause trouble for me if i dont tow the line.. i was gobsmacked!! A bully!!
When i first met my husband, his mother insisted to kiss her own sons on the lips, which i found to be a bit incesuous and sick!! I put a stop to that straight away..however, they are starting to make my daughter kiss the whole family on the lips. Is this normal in families, to kiss each other on the lips???
She continually emotionally manipulates my husband, by mentioning the son she lost in a motorbike accident, she says that family is the most important thing to her, yet she has made my life a misery, and continually does to her sons.
She will not allow my husband to live a life with me, which in short shows that she is jealous of what we have together.
She continually tells me that i am a bad mother to my daughter, a bad wife to her son, but she does it in a sly, bitchy comment way. Yet when my husband confronts her, she denys it, however when she has said some comments in fount of my husband, she knew she was out of line, and apologised straight away, so obviously she is aware she is doing it. That does not happen now, only when i am with her now, do comments come out of her mouth. So, she is aware of the things that are being said and in what context.
Yesturday was the last day she is to be nasty to me…..
I was at work, and there had been a massive accident around the area i work, so to be polite i rang her to let her know, that i will probably be late to collect my daughter from her care. She replied “well where does that leave me?” and continued to say that on the TV news the area is supposed to be open and traffic moving. Basically calling me a liar! I replied by saying, it is not, as i was physically looking at the standing traffic, but she still insisted i was wrong. I asked her “Why are you being so nasty about it?” there was no response, but she continued to say the the news said different… I ended up putting the fone down on her, as there was no need for her to be like that. I rang my husband to let him know what had happened. However, for the next two hours, she rang my mobile fone continually… WHY??? She obviously knew she was in the wrong by ringing my fone, but yet to my husband she said it was all me!!! How manipulative??
To date her two sons, my husband and his brother, have children to 5 women, each a child to each. Each mother of the children, the sons exs, have told me in different ways how the mil has been a factor in their relationship break down. Obviously a common denominator within the relationships. But yet she refuses that it is all us women, not her with the problem!!
My mil interferes too, in our finances, housing, the way we are bringing up our daughter etc… even my husband has told her to butt out, but yet she doesnt.
My husband got to the end of his tether last saturday, with our daughter, who was playing up. He grabbed our daughter and threatened to out her head through a wall. it really scared her, and my husband and i had a big row over it. However, when it was mentioned in a passing conversation, my husbands family thought it was everso funny what he said to her.. i found it disgusting, what he said..
What kind of family are they???
Over the years there has been other situations, and as i said, how many more times do i have to put up with it, and today is enough. I have kept quiet all this time, and made me upset.
I deserve to have positive, supportive people in my life, not those who pull me down, and make me unhappy. As far as i am concerned, i married my husband, not them!!
If anyone would like to comment on my situation, please feel free, i would be glad of your comments.
This post was submitted by Vicval.
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4:28 pm
You poor dear… Yes, I agree that it is past time for you to stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, many people take advantage of the “for peace’s sake” attitude and walk all over each other. My advice is to be polite but firm. The last thing you want to do is sink to her level and dish out the rudeness.
In the case she can’t (or won’t) be reasoned with, you can only continue on the right course. (I know how difficult this is when emmotions are high, but you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.)
Good luck!
5:06 pm
You not only have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
First, your DH … he has some major anger management issues, probably stemming from his family. He needs some kind of intervention before he really does throw one of you through a wall! Even if he was joking, he has to know this is NOT FUNNY and if he ever does something like this again, you will take your daughter and leave. Leave that night and leave forever.
This ties into your MIL. I don’t care how cheap the babysitting is, that vile, vicious beast should not be allowed near your daughter. Do you really want your daughter to grow up disrespecting her mother because she learned it from grandma? Do you want her to grow up thinking that verbal abuse is normal and acceptable?
You need to move her to a different daycare setting. You need to cut all contact with your MIL. Don’t answer her calls. If she emails, block them. Have as little to do with that woman as possible. Why would you want to be around a woman who obviously hates you?
This woman couldn’t care less how well you and your DH live, with her it is all about control. She can’t control you or your DH so she punishes you. That’s abusive.
You also need to stop giving his family any information. I have had to enforce an “information blackout” with my DH’s family, because any inforamtion we give them they tend to use it against me (us). The only information you should give them is “fine.” Yes, we’re just fine. Or, “why do you want to know that?” Or, “what a personal question … I’m not used to answering such things …” You get the point.
This will be hard, because we are so used to being able to trust family. But you can’t trust his. Any family that would laugh at the verbal abuse your husband has given his little daughter has no business knowing anything about you or your daughter.
One more thing, if your DH will go along with it, I think anger management couseling is in order to find out why he thought it was OK to threaten his daughter, and what he could do to avoid getting that angry in the first place.
- the shiksagoddess
6:26 pm
Viccal,
I am real sorry to learn of the horrible things people have said/say to you. Totally unacceptable and abusive (emotional abuse through name calling).
The kissing thing strikes me as weird — but more weird than the kissing thing in the family is the emotional abuse (bullying) if someone does not confirm to the kissing. This is horrible! A person is allowed to set his/her own boundries!
The forcing of a child to kiss if the child feels grossed out about it could be truly deemed as sexual abuse!
Forcing anyone to do something they don’t want to do is abuse!
Next, you are in a culture of abuse — where control and dominination through emotional (name calling, threatening) and physical abuse (which is what picking up a child and putting to the wall comes to) — is the norm (not for the world, but for this family of abusers)…
I realize you are married and have a vow — however, what do you think about your staying in this marriage? Is this what you want?
What about the emotional well being of your child? Children form thier self-image and self-esteem during this age and in abusive environments they will figh a life long up hill batttle if your daughter is not removed completely from the negative, abusive environment and put in a positive, nourishing environment.
I am real worried for not only your health but your daughters.
The way you have been treated by your spouse’s family and mil is totally unacceptable — you know this.
You are finished.
I encourage you to seek a counselor or therapist who is experienced with verbal and emotional abuse and get out of the family as a minimum right away (total cold turkey — no more family period! ! ! no explination necessary — just no more ) and if you decide your spouse too.
As far as someone ruinining your wedding, your life or anything — DO NOT GIVE THEM THAT POWER — you know you are beautiful - I could care less if you gained weight for being pg or any reason…
You are a precise gift from God, he made only one you and your are beautiful in his eyes every day. You DESERVE a healthy envirnoment that fills you up with esteem — you deserve to be around healthy adults that use good words only (yes I really mean only) and give you compliments and praise in a sincere way. You DESERVE INSTANT RESPECT for personal boundaries. You DESERVE to touch and kiss only those YOU CHOOSE to kiss in the way you choose or not choose!
Keep your head high! You can do this! For you!
Good luck.
12:08 pm
Congratulations on deciding that enough is enough! For YOU that is! The beginning of wisdom! Because enough is never enough for someone like your MIL. She doesn’t want to take responsibility for own actions and behaviour. And she doesn’t have too as long as everyone in her life allows her to manipulate THEIR behaviour! No matter how much you want her to change, how much of her B.S. you put with hoping she will change, it will not make one bit of difference. Why should it? She has no respect for anyone that allows her to treat them in this manner & she has no respect for herself because she KNOWS what she’s doing is wrong! Truth is Truth, Right is Right, you know it, she knows it, so why keep trying to find excuses for her? And your husband…..well….it’s hard for anyone to stand up to their parent no matter their age….but…..he’s also a parent. How he conducts himself, the example he sets forth is the most important part of being a parent! So, shouldn’t that come first over giving in to his “Mother”?
12:13 pm
Same thing for “Not sure how to take it?” also. Good Luck Girls!
1:09 am
I totally agree with you. I think some of these in-laws go way too far. They want to have more control on others than they should. They expect way too much from other family members and I personally and so tired of the control. It is never enough. I feel like we keep going and we keep giving but we are critiqued on everything from what we say, what we wear, our smiles, how we hug/kiss, when we come and when we go. No one takes time to enjoy the moment. Cranky old people is what I am beginning to think. And if it isn’t right…why want us there in the first place. Just leave us alone.
7:26 am
In response to the comment from “mama” on here…don’t point out someone’s spelling in your comment. She’s asking for advice about her MIL, not about her spelling and grammer. God, some of the people on here are only here to show they have a WORSE mother in law, I swear.
I agree with all of these comments except for the one from “mama”. Don’t let this go any further.
10:07 am
sound like my MIL. i say she’s crazy. she’s caused such turmoil in our marriage yet blames me for every bit of it. she wants me to respect her but calls me the b word all of the time. why would i want to respect someone who has no respect for me or her son or our children?