Mother-in-law Hell

Hi Joni Z.,
It sounds like your MIL and my MIL are best friends!! I just found this site, and am falling in love with the concept that I am NOT alone!!
My MIL comes over and does the same exact things… my house is never clean, helps herself to whatever she likes, lets herself in without knocking… and one time she claimed that the house was hers!! I too have a full time job (in addition to being the housewife, cooking, cleanding, etc… and being a step mom), and she looks down her nose at what I do for a living, only cause I do not have a college degree… Meanwhile this woman, of many names I have said in my head, has a degree in science, but instead of being in that field, did data entry for Pitt… being paid 6.00 an hour!!!

I feel for you, but on my end.. I refuse to talk to the woman… and its to the point where she’s not permitted in my house or on the property….

Goodluck!!!

Wow it’s amazing what we will put up with for a good man. & that’s maybe what you need to remember. She somehow had and raised a good son. And because of that good son you two have a wonderful life and have had a wonderful daughter. Good luck and remember this too will pass….sorry I know that’s sick, but it’s not like you can truly block her out of your life. But maybe locking doors would help:)

Thanks for all the feedback, I do lock my doors during the week-my husband works out of town, so he is gone M-F. WE were going to move to the area where he works, but my daughter was in her sophmore year, and I just couldn’t pull her out and make her start at a new school at that age-she has gone to the same school since kindergarten. Yes, she does have a great son, but I give alot of the credit to him, he grew up and took care of his little sister and brother alot. I don’t know alot about his childhood but I think it wasn’t real great. He doesn’t talk about it very much. But he is a mommy’s boy—and she depends on him way too much. Thanks again.

A lot years, and a lot of sacrifice. I sometimes ask myself if its better to be ignored than ackowledged. I keep reading all of this stories about this horrible MIL. Yet, mine acts like I do not exist. Unless is to accuse me of being an adulterer to her son. Its difficult to live around hateful people, maybe you shoud take you MIL to church.

Joniz, I feel alot like you. I do not know how my husband turned out to be the man he is today…but he most certainly did it on his own!! But I will tell you that there is a line in the relationship with my MIL. What goes on between her and I is one thing, and I usually leave it to my husband to handle…but when it comes to our son, that’s another story. I refuse to let her affect and hurt my son the way she has my husband and I. I hope things work out for you!!!! Good Luck!!!!!

I am married for more than a year and my parent in laws try to separate us both for their vested interests in my wife. What would be the best way to try to get my wife to understand me better and to avoid her listening to her parents?

Please give me your advice.

Hi ladies,
This website is so liberating. Atleast, there is some place where we can just write about all the mess we are facing. I cannot tell about my MIL (though she is so horrible) to anyone as she is my husband’s mother. We got married 4 years ago. my hubby is very nice person. we r very happy. he is always nice to his parents too. my FIL is a nice person too. My MIL has some problems (mental, anger issues). we live overseas and my imlaws live in their home country. They are pretty young too. MIL in last 40’s. I think that is the problem. She visited us twice for a period of 6 montsh each time. Both teh times she created a havoc, a mess that I never faced in my life. First time she visited, its our second yr of marriage and I invited her as she wanted to visit us (as we live overseas). I treated her more than my own mother. When she had leg pain (I even pressed her legs some 10 instances). In the first few days of her visit, she said I am the best DIL and she is lucky…blah..blah..I was very happy. within one more month….she started a big fight.,…saying suddendly that I was cold to her…didn’t take care of her (I took off from my job for couple of months as she was coming and after couple of months my employer wanted me to be back on client projects, so started doing interviews). She wanted attention like infants , papmper her etc. if i used to prepare for my interview, she used to be so mad at me (liek a toddler or a 5 -yr old). One day she even started saying that I am a poision with a cute smile (?thatw as the worst comment anyone can get). She did all this screaming, yellign and what not. I have never seen any female yelling like that. I am from south asian country and i have abig family and everyone in my family love me,. my friends love me…i never had any [problems with anyone. She also said that I am taking revenge by ill-treating her by inviting her. I then did not relaize she had mental problems (i think she has some chemical imbalance i9n her brain). My husnabd first listened to her and then he came to know abot the trth that nothing is wrong and she is for no reason insulting me…he was angry at her and so she left to stay with her second son for some time. My FIl did not visit us as he was working and didnt have vacation time. She used to call my hubby from her second son’s house and complain about me. That visit was horrible. I was in deep shock seeign her behavior. It took me several months to forget that. I took off from my job, did all she wanted me to do, did server her - pressed legs, served 10 days when she said she was ill and canbnot get out of bed. i did all whole heartedly…after all this, what did she do to me?????

Her second visit was when we had a baby 1.5 years after her first visit. I was fearing that she would do the same thing again, becos she had 3-4 big fights over phone with her son before visiting. She knew that a 7 month pregnant DIL is at home and she gave complaints about me, my parents and big yelling, with my husband about silly reasons. My husband got very angry about her as she is affecting my health, but could not do anythign over phone. He just said, no one is insulting her, just take everything positively.
for example: if she is standign and u offer her a chair, she will think that u offered her chair to inply that she is old and cannot stand and she will start a fight about that.
Suppose if u dont offer chair to sit , she will say you ill-treated her and start fight anyways. thats how she is.

She visited us second time. She’s happy about the baby. I was on maternituy leave. She said I am a very good DIL in the first week of her visit. Nothing changes, I behave the same. She gets gifts for everyone….her sons, baby but for me. I thought it’s okay. after one month she styarted compalining that she does not want me to work (what the hell? my husband wants me to work. he says I am highly qualified and at the same time a good mother who can do both)…she said a “woman shoudl stay indoor looking after her fanily. if a woman goes out of the house there will be many problems (meaning extra-marital affirs)”. Thats was the worst thing I ever heard. In our culture, marriage is very scared and women no matter what wont leave their family for some starnger.She worked for 15 years and may be she had some affair so she doesnot want me to work. Again next day, a big fight …complainign about me for no reason, my parenst etc. etc, creaming, yelling in front of an infant babuy and I delievrd few montsh ago…that cna affect my health.This time as I was expecting it, so I did not react to her yelling. It is confirmed she had some psychological problems becos a normal person will not do that under any circustances. MY husband was very upset, no matter how nice we were with her, she does this. Instead of shraing happyniess with SON, DIl and grand childers, she is creatign such a hvoc. They both had a big flight before she left to her home.
Next time we said they can only visit us if my MIL, FIL come together. becos may be FIl can control her. She had a bad childhood…may be one of teh reasons. She raised her kids niocely…I think may be she wanted them to stay virgin …as her littler boys always…she could have done that…why trouble me. I think she is very jealous of me as I had a great childhood, great marriage, good job etc. Soem part of her says sometimes that I am a great women, an alrouder who takes care of family, job everythign and other part just hates me so much. Now a days its only hate…hate…hate. She is just spoling her chance to be with her son n his happy family. If given a chance, I do not to meet her again in my life. But its not possible as she is mother of my hubby. My hubby and I both have a concept about parents. No matter how bad they are, how troubling, we have to allow them to vsiit us, take care of them when they grow very old and bear with them. I know i have to put up with all this again n again as she is not goign to change. Atleast sharing like this, gets tension out of my mind. Thanks to this website.Thanks to all who read my story. If anyone wantes advice I can provide some. Becos I read sbout psychology and stuff.
I am sure, I will be a very good MIl after my childeren grow up and get married. That is a promise I made to my self.