Mother-in-law Hell

I don’t know where to start other than…
My dh has been in the USMC for 15 years. We have known each other for 13 and been married for 12. I had the “perfect” relationship with my MIL until dh hit his 4 year mark and had to decide wether to say in or get out. We didn’t have any jobs lined up, insurance, a place to live or any money in the bank and I had just been in a pretty bad accident. It only seemed right to stay in for atleast another 4 years so that we could figure things out. Well that decision flipped a switch in my mother in law and she became the monster in law! She blames me for him staying in and keeping him away from her. Ya ok I’m sure I had some say in this but he is a grown man and he signed on the dotted line all by himself. I didn’t hold a gun to his head and if you do the math he was in before we met. He has been in for 15 years now lady, get over yourself!!! Before this decision she spoiled our son. At the baby shower she threw for me I got just about everthing you would imagine a baby needing. She came down right after he was born and spent a week with us. By the way that was the only time she ever visited. We have always been made to feel like we have to go up there. Its an 8 hr drive one way. We used to go up there 3-4 times a year. Now they are lucky if we go up there 1 time a year. Because when we are up there, in front of my husband everthing is fine when he is not around it is a whole other story. She makes rude comments, belittles me, talks crap about me behind my back to family and it gets back to me, she will buy the kids stuff and its all about the kids when SIL’s kids aren’t there. When SIL’s kids are there ours are cast aside, her kids are favored and given anything they want. All the toys, movies, snacks and whatever else is there belongs to B & M. And its made known to my kids that it is not thier stuff. My kids who are 7 & 11 have been able to use a vcr/dvd player since the ages of 2 & 3 are not allowed to put in a movie for them to watch. But let B & M come over they are 5 & 8 and can do themselves. If we happen to be up there for birthdays or Christmas them the kids get gifts. If not they don’t so much as get a phone call. We have the same cell phone carrier so it doesn’t cost them anything but they can’t even call to wish the kids a happy birthday. If it weren’t for my husband they would not talk to the kids on Christmas either. Dh was home on R & R from Iraq 2 months ago and they could not be bothered to come down and see him. Their only son. And ofcourse it was told to the family that its my fault that we didn’t go up there as I wanted to keep him all to my self. That wasn’t the case. They were invited to come down and chose not to. They can take off work every year to go on vacation to the same spot every year but they can not come down and visit their son and grandkids. There is way to much to type to tell everything this woman has done so I will just start with the most recent…After my dh went back to Iraq I was diagnosed with Fibro. I also found out that I will be having surgery very soon, before my dh comes back. I have had to quit school because the fibro flare ups were so bad I was missing too much. I am 1/2 way done with school and have racked up some pretty hefty school bills but again because of the Fibro, right now I can not work. Stress and weight gain cause a lot of my flare ups. I have been under a great deal of stress, stress causes weight gain and flare ups which causes weight gain which causes more flare ups. Its a viscious cycle. So MIL finds out about the diagnosis and tells me that I need to cut my looser friends and family loose and worry about my self an the kids and that her own son could take a back seat for awhile. That I need to learn to let other people help me and not try to do everthing by myself…ok a little background…Before my dh left we were taking care of my grandma who became way to much to handle and we had to send her to my aunt. My sister moved in to help with the kids so I could finish school but that didn’t work out. I had to move our 4bdrm 3car garage virtually by myself onto the base because I couldn’t afford to drive my kids back and forth to my friends house so I could stay in school. Ok where was she when I needed help with the kids so I could go to school? Where was she when I needed someone to watch the kids so that I could move.. oh thats right…she wouldn’t answer the phone. I’ve started selling Pampered Chef so that I could make some extra money to help pay off my bills from school. I asked her to do a catalog show. She asked me where all my user friends were? I told her she told me to cut them off so I did and now I need her to book a catalog show. She agreed to do it. I rushed out and sent her a packet and some pictures of the kids. I asked her to call me as soon as she got it because I needed to go over some things with her and I needed to submit the show to help me qualify before my 30 day mark. So a week went by and I didn’t hear from her. I figured she was busy so I called. She let it go to voicemail. I left a message. A couple days go by, still nothing so I call again. She let it go to voicemail. I sent her an IM on yahoo. no response. I sent her an email. No response. I sent her comments on her myspace. She deleted them. My ds’s bday was last month. She didn’t bother to call him or send him a card. Nothing. He is very hurt by this and now he is old enough to notice what is going on. He has been a huge help with all this PC stuff and asked if gma was ready to close her show. I told him no I hadn’t heard from her. After telling him this a couple times he asks me…why does she treat you like a dog? Why is she always mean to you when dad is not around? I have never said anything bad about this woman to him or infront of him. Then he asks me a couple days after his birthday…does gma think I just didn’t notice that she didn’t call. Does she think I’m too old for a bday gift or even a card? He is 11. To not answer my calls, IM’s, emails and to delete my comments is very childish. If she did not want to have the show she should have said so and not lead me on to think I was going to have a show from her. I’m a big girl I can handle it, I’m used to disappointment from her anyways. It was one thing when she was just hurting me but now my kids are noticing and this is ridiculous. I was going to take my kids up there for the long Thanksgiving weekend but since she is acting like this my son does not want to go up there. I told my husband what was going on. He said he has always tried to stay out of it and it is probably his fault it has gone on for so long. I have never asked him to choose between me and her. But now I am telling thim that if she continues to ack like this the kids and I will be staying home when he goes up there to visit. He said that she is going to have to get used to not seeing him either until she can treat us the way we deserve to be treated. He said he didn’t realize it was this bad and affecting us all the way it had. Now I feel bad because this is his family but there is only so much a girl can take. I have always tried to do right by her but now I couldn’t give a rats butt about her feelings or whats going on with her. When she had her cancer scare I called an IM’d a lot to find out how she was doing and if there was anything we could do. She has not called me once to see how I am or if the kids or I need anyhting. This is just a small minute bit of what she has done/said. I don’t think there is enough room in cyberspace for everything.