I have problems with my MIL that just seem to get worse and worse…I’ve tried to ignore it and pray it goes away…but it seems that my inactivity just makes things spiral more and more out of control…
My MIL started out just wanting a relationship with me, or so I thought. Things were fine at first and then she started to ridicule me. On one really hurtful occasion, she made fun of me right in the middle of my wedding reception and a room full of people I had just met. What happened was I discreetly said I was going to slip outside for some fresh air. Without missing a beat she says, “She is going outside to smoke! She promised everyone she would quit and here she is still smoking!” I laughed it off and then I could feel myself turning red. Everyone else saw I was uncomfortable and said, “Yeah, I used to smoke and I still get cravings…in fact, I wish I could have a cig right now myself…” When people started sympathizing with me, she got mad and left the room. So, I went out and came back in the house. When I came back in, she was re-telling the whole miserable story of her divorce from my husband’s birth father and how she caught him cheating and so on and so on. The rest of the night, people were coming up to me and saying how a wedding reception isn’t the place for divorce stories. I have to honestly say that my wedding was supposed to be the best day of my life and she ruined it.
To give some background….My husband and I live in Nova Scotia and I am originally from Virginia. When we first met a couple of years ago, she was a fun person and we used to talk all the time. Then when I got married to her son, the gloves came off. Dealing with her has been one nightmare after another ever since I said “I do.”
Recently, she showed up at a block party we were having in our neighborhood. At the party, I was quite drunk. She walks up to me and starts talking to me about how I’m emotionally unavailable and how I’m a rotten person in front of my friends. I just walked away. I went out to my car and listened to music with my best friend the rest of the night. Meanwhile, she started complaining about me to my friends at the party and then acted like she was all depressed and then finally left. The next morning, everyone came up to me and said I should give her a chance….and I just feel as if I can’t right now because she is so hurtful. If I give her a chance she might use it to hurt me later.
She refuses to call before she comes to my house and on one occasion, she banged on our door while my husband and I were in bed doing what newlyweds do. I used this whole situation as a reason why she should call before coming over. She said she didn’t feel she had to and now pops over more and more without calling. I’m sure she only does it to piss me off.
To top it all off, my husband is starting to think that I have a problem. He tells me to give her a chance. Sometimes we fight about this because it is like he doesn’t see what his mother is doing to me.
So, what should I do? I have tried talking to her, but nothing helps. What should be my next course of action in dealing with her?
Loading ...
Advice
7 Responses to “Tell me what you think…”
Don’t ignore her. Don’t react. That is what she wants. You’re a young wife and you have other priorites then to please her. Don’t make it a big part of your life GOOD LUCK. I am in the same boat
record your conversations….tape her visits…show the husband…he’ll see…she’ll learn to shut up!
If possible, I would try not to include her in my social activities. If she comes over while you’re in bed, stay in bed. If DH wants to get up and entertain her, you stay put. She should take the hint.
Boundaries–print this post and tell her she needs to respect yours. She should always call before showing up–tell her yourself in front of your husband. Make it clear that your having sex and don’t need interference! This should shut her up. If hubby doesn’t support you NO SEX!
I agree it is hard not to punish your husband for the MIL behavior. This only make my husband more frustrated with the drama his mother is causing. I make sure I reward him big time for any good dealing in my favor regarding his mother.
Pick your battles - I agree with the putting your foot down about the coming over unaannounced but you need to figure out what sort of person your MIL is. Is she worried that you’ve now taken her son ‘away’ from her, as you say she was ok until you married him? If you previously had a good relationship then what I would try is putting your annoyance to one side and make an effort. Do this so that you have the moral high ground and you keep hubby onside. Why dont you do something to clear the air,like having her over for dinner, and then see her regularly. Keep the invitations coming and even if you can bear it phone her for a chat or think of something (NOT to do with your relationship with your husband) you can ask her advice on. You may find it hepful to send your husband to spend some QT with her on his own. If you can manage to do all this it will probably have one of two effects. Either it will annoy your MIL as she WANTS to argue with you, in which case like I said you have the moral high ground and cannot be accused of not making an effort or giving her a chance. The other effect it might have is to reassure her that you can have a good relationship, she is not losing her son to you etc and maybe rebuild your relationship to the point where you get on again for real. As they say fake it until you feel it, if it doesnt come back no-one can accuse you of anything!
ok so what i would do well what i have done is the more u say come over and the more u do with her she will get sick of u and stop coming around so much and tell her oh no u do not have to call just come by and when she sees it isnt bothering u she will back off thats all she is trying to do is get u to react in a bad way and make u and her son argue she is obviously very bored and hating how her life is right now and she doesnt want to see u or anyone else happy and thats including her son and thats wrong but i think once he realizes what she is doing and he says something to she will back off cause she doesnt want to see her own son hurt and sad and all of that stuff so the nicer u are the more she will back cause she will think it isnt bothering u anymore it worked for me mine was trying to tell me how to do everything and how to raise my kids and the more i aske dher the less she said now she doesnt put her two cent in