My husband and I have been married a little over 6 years, and I feel VERY lucky that I’ve only had to see the woman twice in that time, so I can’t really complain about her being a bad mom-in-law to me personally…but the woman’s nuts, and I wouldn’t wanna have anything to do with her anyway.

My husband is the youngest of 12 kids. In fact, he’s the youngest by nearly two decades…he was a menopause baby. Both his parents had been married before and raised kids with their respective former spouses before getting together a little later in life and having him. So, he’s the only child of both his parents, and his closest sibling was graduating high school when he was born.

His dad married and divorced once before MIL. MIL married and was widowed twice before FIL. So when her third husband – MY husband’s dad – passed away suddenly in 2001, that should have raised a red flag with the authorities. And if THAT didn’t raise a red flag, then the boyfriend she moved in 2 WEEKS after putting her husband in his grave should have.

She was a nurse. He, as an older man in his 60’s, had a few health issues. She had always regulated his medication for him, as any good wife who was also a nurse would.  Dh was supposed to meet his dad for lunch one day when he went on his break, but FIL never showed. When DH got home from work that day, he discovered his dad dead on his bedroom floor. A few days after the funeral, he discovered a mostly-empty bottle of heart pills. The date on the bottle said they’d JUST been refilled the week before his death…it was supposed to be a month’s supply, but there were only 6 pills left in the bottle. DH confronted his mother, who said “Well, he’s gone now, so I just threw his extra pills in the trash.” …What, all but those 6?

A few months went by and DH started comparing notes with other siblings, who said they suspected MIL had been cheating on FIL for some time before he passed. One of MIL’s daughters even told DH that MIL had expressed before that she hoped he’d hurry and die so she could use his life insurance to get out of debt. DH himself went to the police, but they brushed him off – probably because she’s just a sweet little old church lady, and he was sporting a hot pink mohawk and a Coal Chamber tee shirt or something.

And then, of course, there are the two other husbands who died of heart issues before FIL.

So yeah…I can’t prove anything, but I’m convinced my MIL is a black widow.

She’s also a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE mother. She was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to every one of her kids, and not a single one of them has anything to do with her anymore. She has alienated them all and, although I’m not sure if she’s the same way with the other kids, she makes a point EVERY SINGLE YEAR to tell my husband how much he wasn’t wanted or loved.

The year we got married, she called him on his birthday. She did NOT say “Happy birthday, son!” She only called to tell him that she’d been going through her shed and wanted Dh to come get some of his childhood crap that weekend before she threw it away. She also called two days before Christmas to tell him that she didn’t love him, never wanted him, and that he was the worst child she’d ever had (even though he’s the ONLY ONE of the dozen who MIRACULOUSLY not only doesn’t have a drinking/drug problem, but who has also never even TASTED alcohol or tried any other drug…but there’s no convincing her of that). He was in tears for a week. If I hadn’t overheard it with my own ears, I wouldn’t have believed any mother was capable of such venom.

And every single year since then, she’s either called or written him a letter telling him how awful he is, how it was somehow HIS fault that his dad died (“you stressed him out ‘til he had a heart attack!”), and how she never wanted him to be born. Luckily, we’ve moved a lot in the past 3 years and I think she’s lost our scent, cuz the last letter we got was a week before Christmas of 2008. Thank god I checked the mail before he got home. I read it, tore it up into confetti, and threw the pieces to the wind.

She’s in her 70’s, and I hope beyond hope every single day that she finally kicks the bucket. My husband is a WONDERFUL man – husband, father, friend – and doesn’t deserve the abuse she’s STILL doling out 30 years after his (unwanted) birth.

A bullet point of issues:

For our Wedding she did not want our wedding to be in the state we live, and if it was not in her state she would not help pay- thankful we worked this one out

After the wedding she would not let us start our “honeymoon”, she wanted to continue being with us

We have been married for one year and they live across the country and we have seen the four times

When we went on vacation during at the same time different hotels we had just walked into our room when they called and said they were waiting for us in the lobby

My husband graduated from the navy after we had been separated for two months she did not give us any time alone, the entire car ride she spent turned around talking to us, wouldn’t stop looking at us, almost did not let us say “good bye”- her husband pulled her into the car because she was all up In our “good bye” and the next day interrupted me when I received a phone call from him and demanded the phone

In the picture she has with her son she is like clinging/clapped on to him and he looks so uncomfortable-everyone who seen the picture agrees

They are nice to me but they treat me like an unwanted step child and not his wife

They took more pictures with him and only took two pictures of us

She only call or texts when she receives news from him and brags about it

She only calls to see how he is doing

We only had four hours with my husband and she wanted him to call all the relatives to say hi and he has a cell phone and could have called everyone the next day

When he was younger they told him not to get married

I know she is not in love with her son but that is how she acts

Some of my friends say she in a competition with me but for what or why. Other just think she is crazy and I think she crazy as well. I don’t know how to deal with her and every time we have to see her my husband and I either fight or things get tense. What can I do? She really gets to my last nerve and has no boundaries. It is affecting my husbands and I relationship. He gets all-tense and sometimes before she visits he cant even get a good nights rest. I dot think she is a bad person but she is a royal pain in my ass. I would hate to just cut all communication with them.

As things progressed, the comments started getting worse and more frequent and I began to notice some tendencies of a person that I would label as completely INSANE. I remember specifically that as we were on base waiting for my husband (then boyfriend) to get off the plane from Iraq, she felt that she needed to point out the fact that SHE would be “getting the first hug” from him because he was her son and she deserved it. I can understand that yes, at that point I was still “just his girlfriend”, but I felt that that was completely unnecessary.

It’s very hard for me to recall ALL of the freaking countless dramas and the harsh comments that have been said…the only way I can describe it is that it’s like she’s not even his mother, she thinks she’s his wife too.
She gets upset if he doesn’t sit by her. And by upset, I mean she throws a tantrum like a 5 year old. My parents and her (she is divorced…she’s been married FOUR TIMES) recently came to visit my husband and I (we live about an hour and a half away from them) and we all went to a movie. My husband went to the bathroom before the movie started and while he was gone she started complaining about how she wasn’t sitting by him and how she would make him sit by her when he got back. I reminded her that he was MY husband and that I would be sitting by him (in the nicest way possible) and she proceeded to aggressively get out of her seat and flounce herself down into another seat at the very end of the aisle, away from everyone. I got dirty looks and the silent treatment for the rest of the night. She even threw a fit when my husband and I wanted to ride back to the apartment in MY parent’s car. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

Many a time when my husband and I are with her has she been upset and thrown her arms up, driven like a crazy person, and left the room to pout for reasons that a NORMAL person would not.

She compares the gifts my husband buys me to ones he buys for her and will make comments in front of me like “Well you bought HER that, why can’t you buy ME this?” It’s not just gifts…it’s EVERYTHING…before we were married & lived together, if she found out that he called me more than he called her, she would have a hissy fit about it.

She’s told me on numerous occasions that I am not doing a good enough job of taking care of her son because he loves gifts and she doesn’t think that the gifts I give him are perfect enough for him.

She’s insulted my lack of knowledge in the area of cooking many times and has said seriously that she’s “worried about her son and if he will be getting quality meals” because I don’t know how to cook well.

She’s insulted just about everyone in my family in some way to the point where my aunt and grandma had to tell me that they don’t want her coming over to their house if we celebrate a holiday there.

She’s spoken badly about my parents to my face and even told my mom to SHUT UP once.

She hangs all over him…constantly kissing and hugging him and making comments like “Ohhh my little hunny bunny he’s just soooo cute” and will try to make sure she is always on his arm so that I cannot be. Ugh. It makes me want to puke and makes everyone around it uncomfortable. He’s a MAN, a MARRIED MAN now. Let him have his space!!!!! Unfortunately, my husband doesn’t see any problem with this.

Here’s what has pushed me completely over the edge and why I am here writing this now….the other day, we had a major blow-out. She got upset at me because I was sleeping in the chair on 4th of July. Um, I’m sorry that I haven’t slept well in the past few days. She left the room and when she came back my husband asked her what her deal was (because we could all see she was mad) and she said “I’M not the one with the problem, son” and then proceeded to spew forth complete filth against me about how she has “cried and lost sleep many nights” because she has sat back and watched me “manipulate” her son for so long. She kept repeating that she thought I was being a completely manipulative and horrible person to her son. She tried to tell my husband that I was coming to her and talking bad about him!!!!!! She also said that I have kept my husband from her many times and how she thinks that I’m trying to control him. All of this was not spoken, but YELLED in my face. My husband defended me, but I could not take her BS anymore and left the room. She then came out crying and apologized to me, but did it very craftily as she still threw in some of those sly yet so obvious comments I mentioned earlier in my post. I decided just to not have contact with her at all, then yesterday she goes and posts stuff on my facebook like she’s all happy and nothing even happened.

The worst part of all of this is that while my husband tries to defend me and gets onto her when she’s upset me in the past, he doesn’t make an effort to try to get her to change and merely says “That’s just the way she is. It will get better with time”. No….I don’t think it will.

In general, she is just a completely overbearing, hard to deal with person. EVERYONE in my family, not to mention everyone who met her at my bridal shower, has asked me WTF is up with her. Even they can tell she’s insane by just being around her for a short period of time. I am just tired of dealing with this woman but I don’t think my husband would have the gusto to cut her out of our lives to try to get through to her. I suppose the fault is also on him. I just don’t know what to do anymore!

When I first met his mother, she seemed nice enough. She was friendly and invited me over for dinner relatively often. Soon, things turned slightly sour as she enforced “family time” in her house. My boyfriend was to have at least 4 dinners at home per week and spend “quality family time” with her, his father, and his brother at her discretion. His father and younger brother are both laid-back and try to avoid getting involved in her battles with him. They had several family functions over the course of the summer, several of which my BF was allowed to invite friends to, just not me.

Throughout the whole summer, my 18 year-old boyfriend had a curfew of 11 p.m., meaning he had to be home without me by that time. It was beyond frustrating.

While we were away at school, she seemed to warm up to me slightly. I was invited to family christmas and a few other functions; it was wonderful. The rest of his family is sweet and friendly towards me and always remark that we seem like a great couple.

This Spring, all went to hell. He told her that we planned to move into an off-campus apartment for the next year, with a few friends, and she flat-out refused to continue paying for college if he moved in with me. Needless to say, we’re both living in on-campus dorms next year…bleh.

Last weekend, the parents went away for the weekend on a camping trip. Before they left, they called some family friends, as well as my own parents, to ask them to drive by the house occasionally to make sure there were no parties and make sure I was out of the house by 1 a.m. BF and I are not “bad kids”: we both graduated from high school with highest honors, never drink or do drugs, are respectful of our parents, and are studying hard at school (he’s on the honors engineering track and I’m honors pre-law). This over-protectiveness was beginning to get somewhat ridiculous.

Just last night, BF and I were in his bedroom, which is on a separate floor from his parents and brother (who is 16). Around 11:30 (everyone else in the house goes to bed at 10) we were fooling around a bit in his bedroom. Apparently his mother was awake because ” we were being loud and keeping her awake” (we may as well be ninjas we try so hard to be silent after everyone goes to bed). After I left right at midnight (the time I have to leave their house on weeknights), his mother, who had apparently been awake, confronted him saying “I know you two were up there sleeping. Don’t even try to deny it. She is absolutely not allowed to be in your room anymore and you two need to be in the T.V. room or downstairs only.”

Today, his father pulled him aside and told him that his mother wanted them to talk. His father was clearly uncomfortable and didn’t want to do it, but potential-MIL had forced him into it. He informed BF that if I got pregnant they couldn’t afford to put up him, me, and a baby. As if! I’m on birth control and have no plans of becoming a mother in the next decade. He continued by asking BF if he noticed that I “wear very short skirts.” BF asked, and dad said he hadn’t noticed but that his mother had mentioned it. I can assure you that, while I dress stylishly, I never dress inappropriately. I’m a very modest person. His mother, however, is a bit of a house and wears big tents of shirts and ill-fitting shorts as her uniforms. It might be worth it to mention that she doesn’t work during the summers, either.

With the crazy curfews, enforced family time, and comments on how I dress, I’m starting to think she’s just jealous and threatened by me. What’s the best way to handle this situation? I’m so insulted by her at this point that I’m considering avoiding her all together!

And I also think I should add that we have only been married for 11 months.

She is manipulative, controlling and MUST have her way. She feels as if she needs to control our lives and know what we’re both doing at all hours of the day. And, control every decision we make.

For example, we were looking to purchase a grill. It was $350. But, it had all the features my husband wanted. Like an idiot, I printed out the paper and showed it to her the next time her and I met up for lunch. And she threw a judgmental fit saying that the grill was too expensive, we didn’t need a grill, we could just go to her house to use hers. When I said, this is the grill we want and we will purchase it for OUR house, she said, “well do what you want, it’s your money, but you know how I feel about it and I don’t agree with this decision.” And, then she was hostile and moody for the rest of the afternoon.

This is just one of the many things she feels she MUST control.

My MIL demands to know my husband’s schedule. He works in retail, so every week is a different schedule. I tried to put a stop to this before because I felt like it was one of the little ways she was still hanging onto controlling his life. And, he asked her to stop. And because of this, she didn’t talk to us for three weeks and was ignored us if we would see her in the grocery store or the mall. She really wouldn’t even look at us. So, we apologized for being so “cruel.”

She stopped asking for his schedule for about 2 months, and now demands to know his EXACT hours, what days he has off and what we plan on doing on those days. And, she doesn’t ask nicely, she says, “what time do you work today?!” And, instead of calling each week for his schedule, she calls every morning and every night. Like I said, it’s just another way of her clinging onto him and controlling his life. Because if she calls at night and we’re out, she will ask “what’s that noise? Where are you?” and she’ll make us tell her where we are and who we are with. And, if it’s late, she’ll say “honey, you shouldn’t be out at this time.”

If we go out for drinks with friends and don’t tell her about it, she clearly gets disappointed that we didn’t tell her what we’re doing. If we have a day off that we’re just lounging around the house, she expects us to go over to her place or she’ll plan a family dinner at our house and guilt us into saying yes. We both work long hours, sometimes we just want to relax!

And, the latest thing that is annoying me is this. We recently had family over for a BBQ. That we cooked with the new grill. It wasn’t a special event or anything. We were just enjoying a nice day. And, when everyone leaves, they’re talking about another barbeque. They were saying, “I’ll see you at the next BBQ.” I just thought they had a good time, and wanted to be invited to the next BBQ we had, if we ever did. And because we just purchased this house, our family and friends can’t seem to get enough of it (by the way, MIL insisted on being very involved in helping us choose our first home).

Turns out that my in-laws told everyone that we were hosting a mother’s day BBQ in our backyard. They didn’t even ask us for permission to throw an event at our house. They didn’t ask if we even wanted to throw another BBQ. And, the worst thing is that my husband and I found out only three days before the BBQ because MIL forwarded us an email of the invitations she sent to everyone.

We were FORCED to throw that BBQ, and my MIL had the menu planned out and didn’t let me cook, host or anything. Her and her husband just manned the grill and MY kitchen. I mean, we did get to keep the wine and the fruit baskets that “their” guests brought us as gifts, but still. I was furious. And finally, that’s what it took for my husband to see that she’s so controlling.

She never asks us what we want. She just assumes that if we have a free moment, it’s hers to do with as she pleases. If she asks us over for dinner and we say we’d rather not, she says, “why?! What do you have to do?!” If we say that we’re tired, she’ll say okay that’s understandable. And then she asks my husband when his next day off is and she TELLS us, “okay, we’ll do it then.” And then moves onto another subject.

I am at my wits end with this woman. She is controlling, demanding, manipulative and IDK what to do. I don’t want to be mean. Like I mentioned, I love her and want to keep her in our lives. But, she’s got to be tamed. He is my husband, and she needs to learn to cut the umbilical cord. She makes us feel as if we’re still children and are BOTH under her control.

Then at the wedding I needed something borrowed, so I asked her for something, she brought me ugly old yellow pearls to wear, I didn’t argue I just put them on and said ok! It rained that day, and I was getting ready when she walked past the door and gave me a go to hell look as I was getting dressed! I was all done and walked into the hall where my girls were waiting and she called me over to the Cake table, the hateful heffer had a HUGE cake for him made…Bigger then my own wedding cake which was a 4 tear Thick cake! Least to say I wasss sooo pissed! But I let it slide (mine tasted better anyways) She was rude to all my family and friends, and even lite up a cig in the Church while we waited! Ugh… Then once the ceremony began she put on this face like someone had poop on their shoes..and she wore it through ALL the photo’s and through the hole reception! She even sent out the best man to buy a CD @ the store 20 minutes away so she could have a dance with her husband! She was rude to mostly all of my family and friends! The next day she called, Early..Very early to say that she needed her necklace back and to drop it off at her house which was a hour’s drive out of the way from our route to our honeymoon! Then proceeded to tell my husband to come inside and have lunch with her and spend some alone time with her, to let me relax for the day alone! I was shocked! I had my mother take her the necklace,lmao, needless to say she wasnt to happy about that! Ugh..been together 2 years now..and she still gets on my last nerve…

OMG I know the new SIL is young but……here is the background she has only just in the last couple of months hooked up with my brother, which is fine BUT. They stayed at my sister and BIL place this weekend, which is fine (except its a 2 bedroom with my sis #1, BIL, nephew & other sis #2 already living there).
oh and sis #1 had a MAJOR surgery 3 wks ago and may have terminal illness.

So me and my BF went up for lunch, did the usual what can we bring and even brought extra thing, flowers dessert etc etc.

My SIL sat on her butt the whole time or monopolized by bro…no worries, didn’t offer to lift a finger with lunch or cleaning or shopping for lunch…ok so your young and lazy and don’t have a clue….

but when were all dishing up…
“where is the onion that was cooked”,,,, um still outside on the cooker B!@tch. get off your butt and get it (I thought in my head)… then she had the hide to have a go at my BIL – who looks like hell, works nightshift and has a sick partner…

oh so sorry you couldn’t possibly go get it yourself your majesty..

Is it wrong that if the new SIL hangs around I plan on buying her 2kgs of onion for christmas and birthdays…..

I got engaged I got a card, which is nice right?  Until I realized that the only present we had been given to celebrate our engagement was a bottle of wine from a lovely friend of mine, I know we have been living together but you should see the stuff my sister gets, it is like my parents subsidies her income or something, I have no idea why everyone in my family thinks I earn a million dollars a year, I am just above minimum wage, I may have a college education however my fiancee who works in a warehouse earns the same amount of money as me….

We barely pay the bill some weeks especially if my medical bills mount up, we are never offered any financial or emotional support (ie clean the house, mow the yard, we aren’t greedy and like to pay our own way).

The slightest thing happens to my sister and my mum moves in with her!

Its insane to the point where my fincee’s bossess wife (who I barley know) is like oh yeah I heard your family treats you and your fiancee like cr@p…… (its not just strangers family friends are always stressed out calling me to make sure I’m ok – as my two sisters are always getting themselves into strife and usually I’m the one there emotionally and $ wise, even though I can’t spare the $ really I do it, cause  was taught that was what you do.. now I realize no they expect for me to pay and pay and give them all the support and give nothing back….)

Its depressing, at the moment the future MIL seems nice (ok I’ve never met her and she lives on another continent)  I really hope she is nice and we have a good relationship as I could do with a lovely family. It sounds like she had dramas with her in laws the first part of her married life and she is a councilor so I really hope its a good relationship!

My own mother even had the hide 3 months ago to say ok I have come to accept that you and he are together.  It is like UMMM this is the first man I have moved in with and you know I prefer to live along (don’t like flatting) and you have just figured this out… umm do you know me at all.

Meanwhile anyone of the guys my sister lived with was opened into the family with open arms everyone making a big deal out of it…….
sorry for the length and spelling mistakes its just nuts!