STUCK IN BETWEEN US TWO

by lorena on 06/28 @ 4:14am

Ok i am a newly wed and my husband and i have been with each other thew thick and thin. my mother in law gave my husband a house that he grew up at, and four months later she took it back cause he dissagreed on an opinion she had. and now we havent been talking to her for a month, and
all of a sudden she wants to give him a car. i told him it would be best if we got her to sign a contract saying the car is his. am i wrong for saying that or should i just stay out of his bussiness or stand my ground and watch out for him??

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7 Responses to “STUCK IN BETWEEN US TWO”

Lorelei said on 06/28/08 @ 9:35am

My advice to you would be DO NOT take any expensive gifts from your MIL. Especially after your house story. It’s probably really tempting to take her expensive gifts but in reality once you start taking these things it becomes harder for both you and your husband to become independent from her and build your own relationship. She has already proven herself, do you really think it could get better? My MIL has always been manipulative - and my husband told me from the beginning that he couldn’t really tell his parent’s his real feelings as long as he was taking STUFF from them. We have always been independent financially and emotionally and it still is hard sometimes, but at least my husband is not obligated and feels he is his own man making his own choices. When she acts inappropriate he can tell her she is out of line - she doesn’t like it, stops talking to us for a while, blames me - but ultimately, he is standing up to her and standing up for me and he says it is because is free of her financially. I am a mother and I see how my children respect me for really no reason, it’s hard to be rude to your parents even if they are wrong. So DO NOT TAKE ANY EXPENSIVE GIFTS.

Amy said on 06/28/08 @ 6:26pm

My inlaws did the same thing with my husband with a truck. They have like 4 vehicles, but his family decided they wanted that truck back, the only one my hubby was using for a work truck. Some time later, they decided they would give it back when they didn’t need it anymore, and when they did, I told him to get the title and i took it straight up to the licence place and the courthouse and got their names off and our names on. Hope this helps!

QueenVelveeta said on 06/28/08 @ 6:43pm

Don’t take the car or anything else from her, ever, or you will be a slave to her whims. hope this helps.

jrc said on 06/29/08 @ 8:11pm

You are absolutely right in regards to the paperwork being in your husband’s name. I think I would politely refuse ANY expensive gift from her, however. No matter w hat, it’s a cudgel she’s holding over your husband’s head.

leefan said on 07/02/08 @ 2:40am

It seems like your MIL is one of those MILS that likes taking control of others by using her money. I agree with Lorelei..the more you take from your MIL, the harder it is for you to be independent and soon you’re going to have to depend on you MIL for everything. If your MIL gets offended because you didnt take the car, signing a contract might not be a bad idea.

Amanda said on 07/03/08 @ 2:26am

One word. “Control”

A gift according to dictionary.com is, “something acquired without compensation.” however from what you are sharing, these gifts come with the expectation that your mil will be compensated — with her way.

If not, the item given is taken back because due compensation (in her mind) was not provided. These are not gifts. They are tokens of control. Because the control items are large — they interfere with your life balance and peace — peace and love is essential to a HEALTHY HOME. as is stability… You and your husband need to decide together what your relationship with your mil will be. And this decision must include not taking gifts. It is your only way for survival. If he will not agree with you enlist a therapist/marriage counselor for a neutral third party to advise you both.

This must stop now. No excuses. It will get worse. Good luck and keep your head high. Stay calm.