Please Help.
My Fmil is a strange bird. She doesn’t travel and just works and goes home. My fiance and her have lived together for the past 20+ years. He pays the mortage and she pays cable bills. After 7 years of dating we got engaged. His mother very much resented the fact that she did not give her consent to the engagement. Her son is turning 42 tomorrow. Her consent is not needed. After the not so kind reaction, I wrote her a letter in her Birthday card and thanked her for raising such a great son. I also extended the hand of friendship and asked if we could meet for lunch or dinner and forge a good relationship. Needless to say I have not heard from her. Well yesterday I just wanted to reach through the phone and touch her in a not so special way. My Fiance and I had planned a party for her because there was a funeral she had to attend the weekend of her birthday. Well last night, my fiance sounded strange on the phone. It took a while but finally he said his mother did not want me or my two kids at the party she only wanted family. I was not alone during this call so I had to muffle my reaction. I am just sick to my stomach. My first reaction was to call and give her a piece of my mind. Then I thought I would just show up. But now I just want her to kiss my tush. I need some advice on how to handle this woman. I have invested too many years into this relationship to let it just go bye bye. I am going to speak with my fiance about this in detail, but I need some advice.
Thanks all
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Advice
4 Responses to “STRANGE AND HURTFUL FMIL”
Inform your fiance that you are practically family, and he needs to tell his mother to accept you as family. IFhe doesn’t do that then he clearly isn’t ready to think of you as family. Hence, even though by the time you hit the term “engagement”, he should have already though of you as family.
Hey what a cow, I have a similar problem with mine and all I can say is that if your partner were any kind of friend he would tell her” mother accept us as a team or not at all!!” This is your man and he should be sticking up for you! Be strong sister because you may have some choices to make.
The book ‘Toxic In Laws” is a great read on this subject, for a lot of things people are posting.
I hate to say it, but I’m not sure your husband to be is willing to cut the apron strings with his mom yet. He should have been strong enough to say “Mom, Sally is going to be my wife, and she is part of our family now, whether you accept her or not, she is invited when I am invited.”
It doesn’t sound like your fiance is willing to stand up to his mom yet. Living with his mom far past the age most men do probably makes him feel obligated to dance around her, and she still thinks of him as a baby or teenager moving out for the first time. Sadly, this is something you’re going to be dealing with for a long, long time. I hope you have thick skin. Good luck.
Thank you all for your replys. I spoke with him and expressed my concerns. He pretty much said to hell with her. We are going to sit down together in the next few weeks and come to terms with this. I am also giving him a Birthday party and all the family is invited but her. Let’s see if she likes to feel excluded. I’ll keep in touch .
Thanks Again,
kimbie