Mother-in-law Hell

Well, I know that this story will be long. I am 29 years old and I started to date my husband when I was 16 and got married at 18. This story is about my uncaring mother-in-law. How she has not contributed to our marriage or our home life and yet has done her best to spread lies and rumors about me to my husband.
In 1997 I found out I was pregnant with my first child, after two years of dating we both decided to take the next step and to form a family and get married. My mother disagreed with our relationship from the beginning, so of course she did not want me to get married, and she wanted me to stay home. I believe that she was a difficult time letting me go. I was the first of her children that wanted to fly the coop. My husband lived on his own and with his two younger brothers. The second of his brothers just got married and moved out. Throughout this time when I visited my husband, sometimes his mother was there and she will just say “HI” to me. She did not try to get to know me at all.
We decided to get married, my mother did not talk to me for the first couple of months, It was difficult for me, since I left home with the only thing I had and that was the cloth on my back. I missed my siblings greatly, there were five of us. I had no contact with my family. My husband’s family was also not very welcoming of me also. We had an apartment that we shared with my youngest brother-in-law. My mother-in-law never came to say hi or even ask me how I was doing. Yet, she came over to visit her second son every day. He also recently married and just had a child. They lived right next door to us since we lived in the same apartment building. My husband and I decided to get married in City Hall. His mother was in the next door apartment with her daughter-in-law and did not even come along to the ceremony. During this time I also formed a relationship with my new sister-in-law. I knew that she had a great relationship with my mother-in-law since they always hung out, went shopping and attended parties. My sister-in-law would tell me about how great my mother-in-law was and how she cooked for her, cleaned, and sometimes gave her money and bought her things. During this time I formed a friendship with my sister-in-law sister, she was really cool, and she was the one that hung out with me during my pregnancy and my lonely time. My Mother-in-law knew the hardship me and my husband were going through since it was up to him to pay the bills and sometimes that is all we could pay for. My sister-in-law would tell my husband’s mother the hardship we were going through and she did not seem to care much. Since she never came to welcome me, none the less to ask me If I needed anything. I always remember clearly that during this time during the last two months of my pregnancy, my sister-in-laws refrigerator broke, and they took the refrigerator in my apartment since my mother-in-law claimed that it was hers and she gave it to my sister-in-law.
I had my son in November of 1997, my mother-in-law never went to see him, my husband took my son and he went to make sure that she saw him. He looked just like his daddy. By this time my mother forgave me, and I was visiting my family again, especially when she found out about the treatment that I was receiving from my husband’s family. Till this day she feels guilty that she stopped talking to me for those few months.
I went back to school I just needed one semester in order to graduate high School, I told my sister-in-law that we should enroll together since we were both the same age and had attended the same high school. She flat out said “no”. I decided to enroll by myself I got a part-time job and by the end Spring I received my High School Diploma, and started to work -full in the in a warehouse. Things started to get better financially for us, since now I was working.
I had three younger sisters and one older brother. We were all one year apart, we basically had a lot in common and shared the same friends. Me and one my sisters also worked together and so did many of our friends. I was the only one married they were all single and enjoying life. Sometimes I would hang out outside with my friends, siblings and my sister-in-law sister like we did before. My husband was not the jealous type and he was 6 years my senior and very mature for his age.
But my new in law family that was another story. They called me names and my sister-in-law also helped spread rumors about me and sided with them. Her own sister was telling me to keep away from her that she was hateful towards me, and also informed me about the things that my husband’s brothers and mother were saying about me. I could not talk to any of my friends because according to them I was sleeping with them all of them.
I already had problems with my husband’s younger brother, when I was pregnant he would steal the little cloth I had. I know this because I went into his room and found a bag of my cloth in there. When I had my son I would have a couple of my friends come over in the weekend and he was disrespectful towards me and them, and he kept saying that we did not belong in his apartment since everything there his mother bought. He told us that we could not sit on the sofas and told us to sit in the floor. My husband would never believe me, that his brother was being so hateful. Since his family always made sure that when they were being hateful he was not around. The constant fighting with his brother and both of us were the same age it got really bad that my husband had to tell his brother to go, and he moved in with my sister-in-law next door. My husband’s younger brother did not contribute financially or morally to the household, he did not work during this whole time. Even though he moved out he still found a way to keep stealing my things. Especially since now I was working and could afford to buy good things. My mother-in-law never apologized for her sons behavior and on the contrary got mad at me and blamed me because her older son told his younger brother to move out.
Well, we moved out of the apartment building after I pressured my husband into doing it, because he did not want to let go of his family and kept saying that if they were mean or spread rumors about me it’s because I did something to deserve it. Me and my husband constantly fought as you can imagine because of his family. I believed that if I moved far away they will leave us alone. I was wrong they moved a block from where I was living. I was already expecting my second child and was very sick. I was still working in the warehouse and worked the second shift. That Christmas I gave my sister-in-law sister a present that I did not know would come and hunt me afterwards. When I gave birth to my second child in April of 2000 as usual my mother-in-law cared less. One day my husband comes home saying that his mother told him that me and my sister-in-law sister were lovers in the past and that the Christmas present I gave her was the proof. This was not the first roomer she spread about me according to her I slept with everybody I came in contact with. Her claim for making up this vicious lie was just to protect her son.
I guess what bugs me is that for a long time I did believe my husband and believed that the reason his family literally hated me was because I did something to deserve it. I started to get older and I noticed a big difference between the way she treated me and my sister-in-law and every other sister-in-law that came throughout the years. Her youngest son got married four times during this whole time and she gave the royal treatment to all of his wives. She also gave the royal treatment to her other grandchildren, making them birthday parties, spending time with them, giving them presents in Christmas. It was as if though my children did not exist in her eyes. She even traveled to another country to make her granddaughter that was born at the same time as my second daughter a birthday party, yet she could not a walk a block and wish my daughter a happy birthday. She loved her other daughter-in-laws and her son-in- law they could do no wrong in her eyes. She formed a great bond with her son-in-law that lived in another country and send him cloth and gifts. Yet, she could not walk a block and ask me “How are you doing.”
My family also tried to make things better by inviting her over for dinner. She flat out was not going to attend; my husband hunted her down and basically forced her to attend. I always tried to find the answer as to why she did not like me. I compared myself to her daughter-in-laws and tried to find the answer. I found out that comparing to my sister-in-law I am doing good. My sister-in-law was and has been lazy. My mother-in-law did all of her housework for her, during this whole time she never worked, and basically has not done much. Also If I must point out that that with all of that finger pointing that they were doing towards me, my sister-in-law cheated on her husband and they separated for a month and then he went back to her. My husband’s family did not even say anything and still till this day keep giving her the royal treatment. I guess that is why they say “Do not spit in the air because it will fall on your face.” Since then they sort of left me alone.
But I always wonder why did they not accept me at all, they did not even try. One reason it may be is that I am a natural born citizen of the United States, and they are immigrants from another country. This is the reason my mother gives me. Maybe they felt that I was above them. I do not know how, I was so young and innocent then. Oh, I come up with a lot of reasons every day, to explain to myself. None are satisfying, I even tried to talk to her about it, all she does is put me down. So I quit the talking, and every time I see her I feel as if though I cannot speak because I feel attacked by her. I do not know how to make things better that situation with his family has not changed, and they do not seem to care not even for him.
Right now I have Bachelors in Science in Business that I received for the University of Illinois at Chicago. I have four children, 10, 8, 3, and 9 months, and I am currently pregnant with my fifth child. We purchased a home in 2002 and happy nobody followed us this time. It’s been a couple of years now that my husband started to change and opened his eyes to the situation. The fighting has been reduced by more that 90 percent. I say that I am very happy with my marriage, and I guess that what I learned for this whole situation is that there are hateful people out there and that no matter what we should never let them win.