Mother-in-law Hell

You should probably find a website for mother in laws to complain about their daughters in law….this isn’t it.

And I don’t think it is usually the daughters. I have a MIL and a step MIL. I have a fabulous relationship with my Step MIL. She’s the most wonderful person! Loving, supportive, and respects me as a mother and wife. And its amazing that I can’t have a descent relationship with the real MIL.

I think too many years of women being dominant, controlling and overbearing and no one stopped them and put them in their place and they get a little “big for their britches”. And after the kids grow up and they lose control, they still try to get it back instead of accepting the new phase in their life and focusing on something else. You can’t expect your son’s woman to just love you when you’re controlling and manipulative and nosey. And accepting that everyone is different. All because his girlfriend isn’t your type, doesn’t mean he’s not his type.

I agree, you should probably find a website for MIL to complain about their DIL. I only hope that your son does what his heart tells him to do not “mommie” and he marries his queen. After all one day you won’t be here and wouldn’t you want your son to be happy and have his own family? If not, you are a selfish lady and you need to seek help!!!!

My own MIL has stated that I am not BLOOD, therefore NOT family. Frankly, that’s a very offensive comment, esp since we have a child together. Oh, but OUR child is BLOOD so therefore IS family. Kinda messed up IMO. She also has told her son that he doesn’t deserve someone like me. Guess what? HE told his mother to go to hell! What he doesn’t deserve is his mother making waves and nasty comments about the person he loves and has decided to spend his life with.
So what you are saying is it is OK for the MIL to be a rude, disrespectful, ignorant, horrible person? Because when my MIL talked like that to her son, that’s just how HE took her comments. Respect, honor, caring, and love goes BOTH ways…..It’s not your place to tell your son who he should or shouldn’t love. As his mother it is your place to be accepting of whoever he chooses to love and not be conditional or judgemental about that person.

Maybe you should consider your son. His happiness should be what matters to you (if you are as unselfish as you present your self).Your son sees something wonderful in this woman. You should try to focus on the good in this person and not the bad. Have you ever tried to get to know her? No this woman is not blood, but would it not be twisted if she was? Remember she could be the mother of your grandchildren. Acting this way is only hurting your son. Is it really worth it?

Bravo Fed Up.

And to Kat…Yes you are correct, I am not blood. But that son has chosen to make me his wife and thus a part of the family. And if we have children? Can you still say that I am not blood then?

Have you even tried to get to know this girl? Did it ever cross your mind that this girl might actually care about what you think? Are you intimidated by the fact that the #1 woman in your son’s life is no longer you?

Cut the apron strings, your son is adult enough to make his own decisions and mistakes. Read the stories here and DON’T become one of the MIL form Hell

Or get counciling.

What cracks me up. You stated she is ignorant, rude blahblahblah, etcetc WHATEVER but you have given us no reason to why you think of her in such ways. I’m sorry but with my experience with my MIL and what the other women are going through on this site.. I think it’s a natural instinct for a mother to be protective over her son and that’s the impression I get from your story. Whether the girlfriend is a drama queen (Thinks for herself)) or not, deal with it, are you jealous she comes first and not you anymore? Awww, boohoo! Go seek help. She must be doing something right if your son likes her…. It shouldnm’t matter what you want, no offence. If she was some kind of raging drunk or druggy that steals, ya I’d agree but you’re reasons are nonsense…. If your son is happy with her, I would respect his wishes, instead of RUNNING his life. Instead of telling him what to do as if he was some brainless child, I would butt out and just let him carry on or approach it in a completely different way, act like a mother pretty much LOL, it’s HIS life, not yours. You basically proved by your little story why MIL’s are so annoying and needy. Don’t be so vain and stop trying to control your son, it’s not right. I could be wrong… but there’s usually 2 side’s to 1 story… I bet your sons girlfriend has plenty to say about you. I can’t stand whiny, opinionated MIL’s like yourself, then you act as if you’ve done nothing and you’re just oh-so perfect, “ohhhhh she’s just not good enough for my son!”, good Lord, get over it already. Drive’s me bonkers, I swear most of you MIL’s are the same lol always controlling the son. Try giving the girlfriend a chance instead of getting your own way because the only person you are hurting, is your son. Think about it, do you want to hurt your son and run his life? Don’t you get wrinkles from being so stressed out from his life? Stop living his life. Your son probably will do anything for a “quiet life”.. anything for a quiet life, as they say lol. To him your nagging probably drives him nuts and he doesn’t have the balls to tell you to hit the road cause you’re his mother, it’s really sad really.. MIL’s act like girlfriends for some reason, it’s sickening.

Yeah.. what every one else said lol, find a site for MIL’s/Mothers that need to vent about DIL’s/GF’s, I would also seek help for your opinionated, VAIN personality/attitude problem… Stop hurting and running your sons life, is he 18 or younger? If not.. LET GO. You can still be a great loving mother to your son but controlling him and telling him what to do is just childish, I’m not joking.. you are hurting him. Veryvery needy and it’s not right. Would you like him to wipe your butt as well?

Unfortunately for you, it is not your place to choose your son’s mate. He obviously is in love with her so if you trust that you’ve raised a good son then he should be able to make a good judgment about the type of person he wants a relationship with. It sounds to me like your DIL has started to stand up for herself against your nastiness and is not putting up with you trying to undermine their relationship. Thus, she has earned the “disrespectful” title from you.

I hate to break it to you but respect goes both ways. If you cannot be civil to your son’s girlfriend or wife why would you think she would respect you or be nice to you? Simply being your son’s mother doesn’t entitle you to act like a total a$$hat and still be respected.

I also noticed that you’ve given no concrete examples of why you don’t like your DIL or what she has done. I suspect it is because you don’t really have anything on her, you simply don’t like the fact that she is now #1 in your son’s life so you are trying to ruin their happiness and get the attention focused back on you. What a selfish, manipulative, worthless excuse for a mother you are.

Also, I would be careful not to burn bridges now. She may one day be the mother of your grandchildren and as the mama she controls who has the privilege of seeing her children and having a relationship with them. Let me tell you, you will not have a relationship with them if you can’t even be civil to their mother.

My suggestion to you is simply to BUTT OUT. Your son is a grown man and he gets to choose who he wants to spend his life with. HINT - it ain’t you. So instead of bashing your son’s choice in a life partner, I would suck it up and be as civil as you can to this woman or risk losing your son and future grandchildren.

You just sound like a nasty, jealous and resentful woman. You must be a piece of work of a MIL, I feel for you poor DIL having to put up with your rubbish. This is the wrong website for you so called MIL!!!

You are digging yourself into a very deep hole. If you don’t learn how to keep your unwanted opinions to yourself, you might lose your son and future grandchildren forever. If you keep telling him that the woman he loves is not good enough for you (it is obvious that she is good enough for him) then he will grow to resent you and you will regret all of your overbearing behavior. Also, why do you critisize making judgements when that is exactly what you are doing? Look at your own attitude before putting others down. P.S. Why are blood relationships so important to you? I would much rather choose who to have in my life than be forced! It seems like you feel that no woman will be good enough for your son but you…

You should be more concerned about your sons happiness instead of your own, that is all that should matter. Not your selfishness. So what if she thinks she is a queen. Maybe she is your son’s queen. Be careful, for even God said a man shall leave his family and cling to his wife. You may lose your son, but hey, that may make you happy, atleast then you wouldn’t have to be a wicked MIL to his queen. Sounds more like you want everything your way instead of her wanting it her way. Really, you sound bitter, lonely, and afraid. As far as not being “blood”…in a marriage, “two shall become one”. If he’s blood, so is the wife. His battles are hers, her battles are his. So put on your ‘big girl’ britches, cow-girl up, get to know and learn to love your son’s queen!

Well!…you just prove the point of the website now dont you!

lol. I waiting to see how long it would take before someone replied to you Kat. First off I think you found the wrong forum. But if your intention was to pursue us women about the pitfalls of a disrespectful future DIL, then you totally missed the boat by going off on a tantrum, which is typical of a crazy MIL. You kind of added to our cause. I do see your point loosely as it may be that there are disrespectful DIL’s out there. The truth is women have for years been hard on each other. We can tear each other part over silly things and I can only hope with some kindness and maturity most will over come this. However, mothers of sons are particularly caddy when it comes to a new woman entering the picture. Instead of taking this new woman in as a friend, added daughter, etc it becomes more of a attack or a mission to make this new woman an outcast like a mean girl click in high school would do. If there is anything a man cant handle is a riff between two women he loves. Imagine the power a family can hold when all women work together, love their children, grandchildren etc. Think about the advice and guidance that would be asked of you if you showed from the beginning you are an ali and not an enemy. By being nasty and insulting only puts your son in a position to have to choose the woman he loves or his mother. What an awful position that is and most of the time, Dear old mom loses out. If your son meets a ***hole and it does happen for sure, continue to be kind and supportive. If you raised him well, he will realize he chose the wrong woman. He will have much more respect for you if show support instead of starting a war.

As a hated DIL sometimes we get to a point where we do things to try to stand our ground and let you know we are there. You take it as an insult and we are just trying anything we can to stsnd up for ourselves. Allow your son to make his own decisions, they are the only to people who know what goes on when it is just them. As for the She is not blood, you and your husband are not blood either. Me and my adopted sister are not blood, but try getting between the two of us! No one will ever be perfect or good enough for your son. You want a carbon copy of you who does what you say when you say it. It will never happen!

This post was funny on many levels. Number one, saying she isn’t blood so she should butt out. First of all, I hope you have never adopted any children, nor you son ever does because it’s obvious that if they aren’t blood, they aren’t respected. That, is ignorant. Two, she may not have genetic ties to you (which I’m sure she is thankful for) but she has every right to be involved in everything your son does. That is who he is choosing as a mate in life, she has to live with every decision, so why should she butt out? You sound like a very bitter woman who still sees her son as a child, he’s grown and you need to let him spread his wings, not clip them.

Have you READ the stories on this site? What would give you the impression that we are not telling the truth? No doubt… there are crazy DILs out there. However, it is not your place to pass judgment on the situations WE are going through, or on us as individuals. What even drew you to this site? As someone stated earlier, we do not believe ALL MILs are like the ones we have to deal with. My ex-MIL is still a part of my life and I love her dearly. Always have. And you’re right. We are not blood. We are the ones your sons CHOSE. He did not choose you.

What bothers us about your post Kat is it don’t belong in this forum.

I am a DIL that has tried to make peace with my MIL, over and over, only to be sh!t on again and again. Frankly if that’s the kind of stuff you are saying to your son, his GF has every right to treat you just as rude and disrespectful as you have treated her. My MIL stated similar comments as your post did, all she succeed in doing was bringing DH and I CLOSER together and pushed herself FUTHER out of OUR family. Just keep on talking like that to him and I guarantee, you will not be a part of his family, whoever he may decide to marry…….and you will have no one to blame, EXCEPT yourself.

I will agree with the daughters-in-laws. Get your own show! Thanks!! You are on the wrong site.

I agree with ALL the above, YOU do need to find your own “daughter-in-law site” as for us here, we are here at this site because WE all have tried TOO HARD for TOO LONG to have relationships with our MIL’s and you are VERY WRONG when you say we aren’t family, your sons chose us to be a part of your family, DEAL with it, we have to when you are nasty to us. I have an excellent relationship with my step MIL and my MIL, she is ignorant to failed to get to know who I am before she called me nasty disrespectful names.
You know the road goes both ways, we are trying to make things work, but when you MIL are so darn set in “us” not being “blood” screw you, that’s like being “nice” to your grandkids “half” the time because they are “fully your blood”.
Get OFF this site and go find another one, you’re just another hateful MIL!

very funny. unfortunately for all mil that think like you, if there is no girlfriend for you son, then there is no family. one day you will die, and leave a lonely resentful child behind. and his misery will be your doing.
i feel very sorry for you. you deserve my pity, you really should take it.

yeah- that blood comment is STOOOOPID. My mother in law(to whom I refer to as “the BIG C”) has said that to me also. I’m sorry to break it to you- you can’t have sex with somebody whose related by blood. Are you related to your husband? Can he have an opinion? If you want your son to be happy, stay out of his business. My ex-husband cries and begs everyday, but thanks to his mother, I can’t go back to him because MIL screws everything up. It’s depressing because we love each other, and our son misses his daddy.

When I received Kat’s original post, I wasn’t going to add it to the site. However, I felt it was important for us to respond to her. When I read her story, I felt like my ex-mother-in-law personally wrote it to me. Years later, it still evoked such anger in me.

Your insightful responses inspire me to grow the DILS(Daughter-in-law Sisterhood). Each woman on the site is helping a fellow DIL get through this incomfortable relationship.

Patricia

I agree with Monica back there, that you definitely proved the point of this website! I’m sure your son is a big boy and can make his own choices about who he will or won’t be with. YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER.

I disagree. Obviously there are 2 very different definitions of respect. My mil could NOT respect my decision that I did NOT want her in the delivery room when I gave birth to my first AND SECOND child(ren). We are supposed to respect mil’s their way, but they can walk all over us?? That seems rather unfair. My mil has stuck her noise in issues of my parents purchasing gifts for their grandchildren…to give her a little disciplinary smack on the noise, I told BOTH sets of parents that they could ONLY visit once a year…instead of 3 times a year that my mil was visiting. She thought it was stupid, but you know something….you encouraged limits on one set of grandparents, the other set will have limits as well. She’s also invites friends of hers into our home….This isn’t her home, so she shouldn’t be inviting people into it!!! Respect goes both ways. Obviously in my mil’s case it is to go one way and one way only.

Kat - you sound just like my mean, nasty,controlling MIL. She is disrespectful and malicious.Of course she wishes she could controll who her son married….Kat - you have no choice - no say so - in who your son falls in love with and starts a family. It is HIS choice.You are already butting in to his life and he hasn’teven married yet.I feel sorry for any woman he brings home. Every one LOVES me! Every one LOVES me - I can do NOTHING right in my MIL eyes. SHe started gossiping about me to her family and has never stopped. They think I AM the crazy one…..Kat. You are wrong. Is your real name Jeannette Matusak? Cause you sure sound like that lunatic my husband calls MOM.
My Husband has a family and it is me. So I am family - to him.

be careful which daughter in law you pick your fights with honey! you are the appitamy of mother in law from hell. belive me….not all husbands will defend there mother…..you may be left out in the cold, regardless of blood. who do you think sleeps next to them every night. sometimes you need to let go of your baby and relize it’s time for a new woman to take over. have a relationship with her, don’t ruin yours with you son, because you can’t let go of your baby.

Sorry, Kat. I have an Ivy League education, perfect credit, never been in more trouble than a speeding ticket. I am thin, friendly, active and kind to my MIL AND her friends and family. She is an awful witch who treated her son like dirt. He was the star of 3 plays in elementary school, and she owned her own business, yet she never made it to one. She gave away his dog as part of a business transaction while he was at school. She left him home alone at 5 years old while she screwed a married man to get ahead in business. He hates her, yet I have tried to be nice to her even though she lies about me to the rest of his family. I have been taking our daughter to her house every week for 11 months so she can visit with her, and she just made up 2 MORE slanderous lies to my husband about me. She once told me, “Sorry, honey, but I don’t think he loves you. He just wants a baby.” Well, that evil skidmark has seen the last of her granddaughter. She will only see her when my husband has time to accompany us to the devil’s house. And since he hates her, that will be about twice a year. It’s so funny to me how these stupid MIL’s never learn. My cat learns faster! Being mean to DIL= less time with son and grandchild. Don’t be suprised if you are all alone one day because your bid for control backfired!

You mistake mothering for a dictatorship. But, hey! If you had closed your legs I suppose you’d of done your future children, in laws, and probably the world a favor.