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My mother-in-law has said so many hurtful things during the five years of my marriage but this one tops the list. I was at her house having a nice dinner when she says, ” When I first met you, I couldn’t believe my eyes. You were not the type of girl Eric dates at all. They are much skinnier than you!”
OUCH!!!
Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
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Advice
2 Responses to “She Stings like a Bee”
You were hurt because of the fact that she seemed to be hinting you were fat? or because of the tone she used?
If I were you and my MIL said a lot of stuff to me that really hurt me, I’d ignore her. What I learned from people who try to hurt me verbally is that when you ignore them, they get really frustrated. (this pleases me).
If ignoring seem so wrong a reaction, then I’d try to confront her:)
When I read your post, It seemed as if your MIL was reminiscing and just started sharing with you what she had felt the first time you met. Though the meaning could have been different depending on how she said it.
What a horrible thing for anyone to say let alone your mil. The statement ” When I first met you, I couldn’t believe my eyes. You were not the type of girl Eric dates at all. They are much skinnier than you!” is meant to hurt and is verbally abusive.
I could care less what you weigh — the fact is this is a mean statement meant to hurt your feelings and make you doubt yourself. The statement is also meant to make you have less self esteem. To tear you down, and make you feel less than the mil.
This statement is unacceptable. Next time she says something like this say to her, calmly and slowly:
FIRST NAME (do not call her mom), what exactly do you mean by saying “repeat the statement.” or
FIRST NAME (do not call her mom), (repeat the statement) is a mean thing to say, do not talk to me that way.
Then calmly look her in the eye. And if she says anything, repeat.
If she rants and raves, stay calm. Do not get in a discussion or fight. If she says well you did this, or you did that so you made me. Do not say anything.
Silence is control. When she stops ranting say “first name, what would you like me to do now?” and then just let her wind pipe herself to death.
and say. OK. Good talk. and leave.
Next, enlist your spouse to have a talk with her (if the one on one does not work) and set the ground rules. Do not fight fire with fire — no sense.
And if she won’t stop… then you stop spending time with her 100%. Cut her off. Bottom line, no-one deserves mean, verbally aggressive remarks.
no one, ever.