This is the first time when i have a MIL problem and i have always said to myself that i will never let myself get into something like this. my mother suffered all her life from her MIL problems and i even remember how as a kid when my grandma will talk to me and asked me about how my mother was with my dad and implying that she was not doing a good job.
i will not go through all the details but long story short, i’ve been together with my boyfriend for half a year and we are thinking about getting married one day but he is very close to his parents and they can’t stand me. and frankly neither can i. at the moment they live together (even though he’s 39) in a house they bought together and he expects me to live with them which is completely out of the question. we can’t afford to buy a house just the two of us and leave the parents live in the house they live in at the moment and my b/f wouldn’t hear of compromise solutions such as buying a condo for either them or us.
we’ve been having fights all the time for the past couple of weeks and i love him to death and we are really great together but i am not sure if i can put up with this for the rest of my life.
as of last week i refused to go to their place anymore and told him to come see me if he wants. i am not sure if this is a solution but i just can’t stand being humiliated anymore in that house. my ideal solution would be to have our own place and he go visit his parents and help them with whatever they need but keep me out of it. he realizes the way his mother has been treating me and he has spoken to her several times but she just can’t help herself and he is too devoted and feels too responsible towards her. Mind that FIL is alive and well but it is as if he is the son, husband, protector and everything a man could stand her to her.
can somebody give me an advice from their own experience? is it possible to have a life like i imagine it where you keep lives separate and see each other only for family events?
thanks a lot.
This post was submitted by kwankiro.
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10:13 pm
I don’t see my MIL at all. Husband goes to her house to visit, she’s not welcome in mine. I’ve told him I refuse to step foot in her house until he tells her that her behaviour and treatment of me are unacceptable. He won’t so this is the way it is. Makes life much easier.
5:40 am
He is mama’s boy and will not change! Don’t you think it is odd he is still living with his mama at 39? You are the “other woman” and will be treated as such. He is already married to his mom. It is called emotional incest. He acts like her husband/protector what have you because he IS. You will be there for sex and that is about it. Do you really like being the third wheel in your relationship? He has clearly shown you that he will not ever leave mommy’s t*t so you might as well move on and find a man not a wittle boy who still needs to live at home with his mommy and fill all of her sick emotional needs.
Another thing, she treats you like crap because she is jealous of the sexual relationship you have with her son. It is the one area where she can’t fulfill one of his needs. Everything else she will take over, you won’t ever have any privacy and God forbid you ever have any children. She will try to push you out of the picture and raise your kids for you.
DO NOT MARRY THIS GUY. There is something deeply wrong with him.
10:33 pm
I have to agree with Marochka.
“he has spoken to her several times but she just can’t help herself”
Yes, she can help herself. That is an excuse for bad behavior.
5:38 pm
For real….get out!
The fact that he a) is almost 40 and still lives with his mother and b) wants you to move in too is disturbing.
Run like a doe from hunters!