Mother-in-law Hell

I need some major help and advice. My mother in law is horrible. I have been married to my husband for 6 years and we have been together a total of 10. Things just continue to get worse. She has never accepted me into their family. I met my husband at a very young age. His parents really didn’t play a huge factor into our relationship for the first several years b/c we were in college. Towards the end of his schooling, he moved home and things went south. We were engaged at the time. I ended up calling off our engagement b/c I couldn’t take anymore of her. She constantly attacks me, my decisions, etc…..She is a very negative, unhappy, and controlling individual. She worked very hard to break my husband and I up. (not to forget…she did this to her daughter and son in law as well). Long story made really short, his family-mainly the mother-trashed me and treated me horribly. I had to really search deep into my soul to make my relationship work with my husband. I had to put the past aside and try and forgive them-although she never admitted to anything nor apologized. My husband has always confided in me the ways that his mother has behaved growing up and how he was treated. Still, I have worked very hard to put them aside and just go about the normal routine. Obviously we still got married. We started a family and now have 3 children. His mom is constantly being a bitch. I could sit here for days and list all of the things that have occured. The summer started a domino effect of problems. We attended the family 4th of July picnic. We brought our youngest child who was just about a month old. My sister in law called us that morning to let us know that she would not be bringing her kids b/c they were sick with Hand Foot and Mouth. Well…..the end of the party was nearing and there she comes with her sick kids!!!! My husband was super pissed at the disrespect. Of course he didn’t say anything. He tried to keep our kids away from the others in the fear that we would bring this into our home with a new baby. Long story short once again, my oldest child was crying and upset about not being able to play. I took him inside to get him a drink of water in hope to settle him down. As soon as I walked in, my mil and sil started making comments about my son and his behavior. So I finally just said that my husband didn’t want our kids to play with hers b/c we didn’t need to get sick right now. His sil threw an immature fit and walked out and his mil got in my face and told me that I was wrong and of course started chasing after her daughter. This stirred up all the emotions that my husband has held in for many years. This is also when the big battle began. My oldest child is scared of my mil. He relates her to Diesel the train engine that he is frightened of. My mil needs to seek medical help but has refused. My husband and I actually witnessed first hand an attack to one of her grandchildren. Obviously it was not mine-b/c she would never be seeing them again. She went crazy when one of the children decided to pee outside. She started screaming at him to the top of her lungs and called him stupid and on and on and on. My husband and I had to make a decision to do what is best for our family here. We have seeked therapy and were doing wonderful. He cut all ties to his family and for the first time in his life wasn’t super stressed out. Well, the sister in law contacted us about a week ago and wanted to talk. I went with my husband and thought that we got somewhere. I was honest about many issues and tried to be open. We all came to agreement that she needs mental help and has control issues. We also all agreed that this would have happened to anyone that my husband had married. My husband and I left thinking that we had made progress.–I can’t forget to mention that other family members and friends are all on the same page with this….Well, then we get an email that they are trying to plan a family meeting and everybody is to respond. Well the responses came in and basically his mother and younger sister and planning an attack on me. They think that I put all of this stuff into my husbands head etc. Here are some of the reasons that she is mad at me:
*I didn’t allow her to be in the delivery room for the birth of my first child, but allowed her to come in with the other 2. Why wasn’t she good enough to be in there the first time? Her own daughter has never allowed her, but that is not a problem.
*5 1/2 years ago I purchased a chevy vs. a ford and she thinks that I did that to hurt her feelings b/c her father worked for ford all of his life.
*I recently took my first trip without the children in 5 years–my husband has probably taken about 15. She threw a fit b/c I was selfish to leave him at home with the kids-even though my sister was taking care of them majority of the time. She thought that he should be going and not me.

I could sit here for hours and hours about tons of stuff. She has tried to diagnose me with numerous mental illnesses and has spoken to tons of family and friends about it. She continues to bash me and slam me to everyone that will listen and of course it always gets back to us.
She can’t let go of 1 comment that I made when I was about 20 years old and the family was fighting. I said that I thought that the behaved like white trash. I have never denied saying it and I have apologized for the trauma and “scarring” that it has caused. She can’t let it go though. My husband has flat out admitted that his mom will never be able to accept me and he knows that she will never like me. She would also never feel satisfied unless he divorced me!
So with the very brief story of what is going on, what do I do? I have talked to several people and they say no way to the meeting! I can’t continue to get put into a boxing ring and beat up again and again. we all know that realistically nothing will come of this meeting but more damage. My husband is totally ready to never see them again. I never wanted to put him in that situation and be the cause of it. My heart breaks for him, but he keeps telling me that he doesn’t care anymore.

Please contact me and give me advice–I sure need it.