My FMIL is downright mean. I beleive she hates me because i am Native American. We got along great until her other daughter in law spread a rumor that i was stealing from their family business. I have never in my life stolen anything. she is mean to my fiancee as well. I am not invited to any BBQ’s which happen weekly, family gatherings, etc. but my BF is expeceted to attend. I have 2 other children from a previous marriage and am supporting the entire family including my BF. I do this happily. Now after 4 months of trying we are finally pregnant with his first child. She is extremely upset! calls me names and says such terrible things. So since she hates me i dont see any reason to let her see my unborn child and have told his sister (which i knew would get back to her) that she will never see my baby until she can respect me. Not only am i afraid of her but she shook her own grandson whom is only 14mo. there is no way this woman will ever be alone with my baby. She did try to be nice to my childern by buying them toys and then turns around and says her son should be witn a women whom does not have any. (His ex wife was horrible to him) Now his ex fling (before me) is saying she is pregnant with his child, for 10 1/2 months now! His mother is completely supportive of her. I dont care if she does not like me i am more than happy to stay away from her, but i know this hurts him and he is so happy about our unborn and wants to tell her so much about the appointments but cant because I am the mother. She also thinks i’m starving my children because i consider carrot sticks, rice cakes, yogurt, ect. snacks, she wants to know why they dont get soda, cookies and chips instead. uuuugggghhhh Should i just let her see ultrasound pictures of child i refuse to let her hold????
This post was submitted by dragonangel.
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12:01 am
wow, I don’t mean to be mean, but you still want to marry into his family?
First of all, there is no ring on your finger (yet), so your BF has little say of what you do and don’t do (of course once you get married he has every right to put in his two cents, or expect a compromise from you.) and if your BF has little say, then HIS mother has no say at all.
second, you are supporting two (soon-to-be three) children, yourself, AND your BF?…. and he seems to not have any problems with putting you into stressful, hurtful situations? whats up with that? if he had any respect for you, or his relationship with you he would try to do his part in contributing to the finances…. with that said, I understand that these are difficult times, and maybe he is inbetween employment… so, if he can not financially lend support to you, he needs to show some sort of support to you, and should be bleeding himself dry to emotionally support you. you are carrying his child, and “family man” instinct should’ve kicked in to make him more: mature… selfless… and extremely protective of you, and his unborn child.. even against his own mother.. if he can not say “boo” to his mother, then at least he can oblige you by respecting your wishes of detachment/ cut-off of his mother.
now, with all that said.. I’d like to take the chance to play devil’s advocate here. your BF ended a relationship with his ex 10… months ago? and you two have been ttc for 4 months now?… so you only knew each other for 6 months (assuming you started dating him right after his last break-up) before you decided that you wanted to marry and start a family? and it seems like you wanted to go on with this plan of starting a family with this man even though you are not getting along with his mother? now, I am not saying that you absolutely must get along great with his mom in order to have a realtionship with him, but it just seems like you knew what you were getting into before you took that huge leap and got pregnant… don’t get me wrong.. I am only 26 years old and am not some prudish old lady that believes in marriage before sex… but I honestly don’t think that that was the smartest move to make…
Either way, all you can do now is look to the future. maybe you can give her a tiny picture of the ultrasound, in hopes that she will see your attempt at making peace, and she will ease up on being so mean to you. if she doesn’t change her ways towards you after a couple of small attempts on your part to include her in your life; then she is unwilling to cross that bridge, and it will not ever get better so don’t even try with her, detach from her, and cut her out of your life.
Regardless of what happens between you and your FMIL… you NEED to have a talk with your BF. he needs to understand that you are not getting along with his mom, and that you may never get along with his mom… and that you are not to be pushed or goated into ever getting along with his mom. and that until he can contribute 50% more to your relationship then you have full say over what happens to your life, and the lives of your children… you are in a young relationship and you might be more compliant now, then you would be in a few years, so please do let him, or his family push you into doing somthing that you don’t want to do.
GOOD LUCK!!!!
12:28 am
your MIL is a pain but you also need to care about your husband’s feelings..maybe talking to your husband about it nicely..have you tried talking to your MIL? tell her that you want to have a good relationship with her, better yet, tell her that infront of your husband or infront of other family members so if she dissed you, everyone will know that its her and not you. Im sorry and good luck!
11:04 pm
Let me get this straight…
Your MIL is a racist …
She believes you are stealing from the family business with no proof…
She is physically abusive…
Tries to buy your children with gifts …
Tries to undermine your parenting…
And you want to give her your ultrasound pics just to keep the peace?
Are you crazy? (NOT!)
Personally, I would not give her the time of day, much less an ultrasound picture.
10:41 pm
Don’t Let her see it! I regret letting my MIL in with me @ the doctors now she doesnt’t even pay attention to my daughter i thought it would make her closer to my baby but NO …really I say don’t but its also your hubbys baby so thats a tough one!
5:06 pm
Do NOT let her see it! Screw that! Your instincts are to not let her see it do NOT cave in! I agree with shiksagoddess completely and she sounds nuts!
My BF and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. I just found out 2 months ago his ex had a baby and claimed it to be his. One month ago we go the DNA results - guess what? It’s his! He said it was a stupid mistake, wouldn’t happen again, he loves me, etc. So fine, I’m working on our relationship and building trust - but his mother has recently made my life hell. She runs him! She controls him! He works for her -which is another problem! He’s only 21 - still stuck on his mama’s t**!
This woman just told me she wants nothing to do with me or my 2 children from a previous marriage (any of this sounding familiar). She is “choosing” not to associate with me. This infuriates me because her son won’t stand by me completely! He still wants to spend time with his “mama” even though she’s a b****, has threatened me physical harm, and called me a “fkn b****” 4 x on the phone. She’s a drug abuser, alcohol abuser, and is ecstatic over this new baby in her son’s life (which I am too, but haven’t tried throwing her in anyone’s face as she has done to me). I cannot stand her. For once in my life I truly truly cannot stand someone and it makes it hard b/c he still wants to associate with her, which leaves me and my daughters in the cold!
It pisses me off. I may not be able to stay with bf for much longer b/c of it and it’s sad that 2 people that love each other cannot make it because of an outside source - his mother! Even though the underlying cause of everything - was his cheating!
12:09 am
hi, congrats on the baby first of all! second, my mil is horrible. she is so stupid that its funny to me now….didn’t use to be. anyways, i wouldn’t show her any ultrasound, or give her any info about the baby. if your hubby wants to tell her, let him, it’s his mom not yours. if i have any more kids, my mil won’t know anything from me. good luck!
12:48 am
Audra is right!
10:12 am
i wouldnt i have a soon to be mother in law who doesnt like me because i got prego out of wedlock. and i feel the same way if she doesnt want to be there to support you and the baby and the boyfriend or soon to be husband then why should she have the previldge of seeing her grandchild just like my soon to be mother in law. both my boyfriend and me know as soon as we get married she will want to see him or her and im not going to let it happen so i have to say i stand behind you becuase i dont want to be taken advantage of and neither does anyone else its wrong and thats down right mean so you have every right not to =]
6:21 am
Hey, congrats on the baby.
Honestly i don’t think you should let her have anything to do with your child, if she is racist towards you i doubt that she will take any sympathy on your baby. You need to talk to your bf and tell him that you really don’t want her near your baby for that reason, if he tells you nothing will happen tell him that you don’t want to risk anything either way.
Don’t give her ultrasound pictures and DEFINITELY don’t let her near the baby especially if she shook her especially if she shook her own grandson, that lady is seriously f****d in the head.
And also i know you said you don’t mind having to care for your bf, but if you continue it hes going to think your easy to manipulate and hes going to want to keep being maintained. make him clean the house, make him do something.
12:59 am
I just wanted to say thanks for all of your input and advice. Just to clear up a few things.. My bf and i get along great and he does stick up for me when it comes to her and understands how crazy she can be. He is retired from the army and highly decorated. Thus receives one of the highest monthly veteran benefits. The downside is due to the length in iraq he does have PTSD. We (my two children & I) have provided the most positive therapy in 1 year than 2years of psychologists & medication he previously received. He has given us security (a safe home) and unconditional love. I could not have asked for more. Plus I do enjoy working which my FMIL hates. Too Bad for her. This is how our disfunctional-new-family happily functions! Most days i come home and the house is clean & dinner on the table. He is excited to be the “at home dad” and praises other women whom have the opportunity to do the same, realizing what a big job it really is. I still have not let her see any ultrasound pictures, even after she invited ME to a BBQ last week, i am keeping my distance while being respectful but i do refuse to be stepped on and i think she is getting the picture. and his ex is still pregnant, not his since she’s going on 11months! Thanks again everyone!
3:04 pm
I happen to have the most dysfunctional in laws on earth and know how bad it hurts to have people that should love and embrace you,treat you like your the lowest piece of s**t on earth but if you love him you will deal.because that’s exactly what will hurt them the most.there trying to get rid of you,don’t let them win!!!always be extra nice ,just let everything role off your back and be sickeningly sweet.one of the most commen things I hear from my in-laws is that I think I’m better than them,you know why that is?its because I am and they know it,while they go out of there way to be catty and trashy I play it cool like a lady and it drives them nuts