My engagement was just over 10 months ago and she still complains. If I wasn’t with her son I would have binned the outfit. It looks like a natural disaster which I HATED when she purchased.
Anyway, now to the present day. We (me and her son) have been looking for halls for nearly two months. I said to my other half I wanted a small wedding. I agreed to have 100 of MIL guests and 100 of my own on my family’s side. She wanted 300 people. I am not joking!
And what did my better half do?? He disagreed with the number but let her have it. So about 4 weeks into hall hunting I now had a task of looking for a hall for 400 people. Depending on where you live that might not be too much of a problem, but it was in my city and around that part of the country.
The first hall was a disaster. She entered, rolled her eyes and her body language was screaming at me to throttle her with my bare hands.
Anyway I tried looking for halls halfway in between me and MIL and in the end I found one about only ten minutes away.
It was perfect. It had the lake. The garden for pictures. the capacity for her 300 guests. The secluded area. it had everything I ever wanted. I booked an appointment knowing they were setting up the hall for a wedding at 3pm that day. The appointment was at 2pm. SHE was 45 MINUTES LATE!. She didn’t see the hall, only pictures. She came to my parents house, had tea and acted like everything was great.
THEN the fireworks came on Sunday! My other half phoned me and said they had decided they were doing a wedding reception separately to avoid future problems and arguments. WHAT arguments. we hadn’t even booked a hall.
Worse still, my parents found out from me so they are annoyed that my MIL couldn’t be up front because hall prices go up from September.
BUT I couldn’t believe that my other half had made a decision by himself about out wedding. I was shocked and so upset. He keeps saying he did it so I could have a wedding of my choice and his parents could have a wedding of there choice (but it is not his parents getting married it me and him).
I know he did because my MIL has been giving him a hard time, he gave in to the pressure. He hurt me in the process. He said that he wants both sides to be happy. But someone lost out and that someone was me. He compromised my happiness for his parents. I just keep thinking is this going to keep happening when I married. My MIL is a cow
I don’t even know if I want a reception anymore. Why couldn’t MIL be honest about doing a wedding reception individually.
Today I found out that MIL and my sister in law are going to see a hall for the reception on their side and all I could think was that should be me. I should be looking for my reception.
I told my other half he shattered my dreams today. We haven’t really talked all week. since this happened on Sunday every time I open up, he does not want to know! He’s in denial.
my parents want me to leave him! they reckon he will never stick up for me and even if he does, the MIL will always be there trying to control.
When I briefly talked to him today I found out that
1) his parents want their way because for the engagement they didn’t know what was happening
2) CHAIR COVERS was a huge problems
I wanted chair covers and briefly mentioned it. My MIL said no it cost too much money and then said for my sister in law wedding they only put them on the head table. I said no I wanted chair covers. This was in front of my other half.
Today apparently in front of him, the MIL mentioned chair covers and I cut her off, didn’t allow her to speak when she said we should only have them at the head table.
She completely changed the story.
I have three options
1) we do a wedding separately (thinking abroad but cant mention where because it will be loads cheaper. but deep in my heart I know that even if I do a wedding separately no matter how nice, it wont be the same as what I want. And when I attend MIL reception for the celebration of my wedding I will be thinking that she ruined it for me!
2) me and my other half do a reception and tell the parents on both sides including MIL to get lost (even though my parents are willing to fork out the cost for anything I want)
3) not get married to him, which is extreme because he can’t see what MIL has done and its beginning to get the better of me. We`cant afford to rent, so I have to live with her for at least 2 years.
I am so confused.
Loading ...
Advice
4 Responses to “My pre-wedding nightmare”
OMG, your last sentence floored me. I would call off the wedding for now. Plan a very long engagement, at least until you can afford your own home. It’s not worth it. This should be the happiest time of your life, and you sound miserable. You will live in hell if you move into her home. This is no way to begin your life together. Everyone will be disappointed but will get over it in time. It’s your life and your wedding!!!!!
GO FOR #3. Not because your parents say so, but because you KNOW in your heart he doesn’t love you near enough. If he did, it would be his and your wedding and all the choices would be yours because it’s your wedding. It’s not because you didn’t get “your way”. It’s because your fiance doesn’t support you now and he never will. You will always be #2 on his list and she will always “pull his strings”. He’s not man enough to be getting married. Believe me, the world won’t end if you break it off. Get the wedding off your mind and do what’s best for you. You cannot possibly survive two years with that evil woman. And too, if you can’t afford your own place to live, then neither of you are ready. Life is hard. You MUST start out on your own. You can’t even control your own wedding and if you live with her, it won’t work anyway. My friend, you need to be ready to establish your own life. If you can’t afford it, then WAIT. And call the wedding off. You don’t owe her or his family any explainations, either. You have your reasons and it’s between you and him. If he has to “share” with his MAMA, then you don’t need him. There is no other way. She has already ruined everything and your fiance let her and he put her feelings above yours. That is wrong. My mother in law threw my husbands clothes outside the day we married. He didn’t know till after we were married. They didn’t come and didn’t tell his brothers. It was not a happy day for him and our honeymoon was ruined because of her. And it didn’t end there. We always had to go to her house. He never made a decision based on what I wanted. He always went to his parents. Girl, run away as fast as you can. You can do better. Your fiance and his mother are too shallow. good luck.
Do #2 if your fiancee supports it, and if he doesn’t, then you have to go with #2 - caregiver03 is right, and if you need to prove it to yourself, then #2 is the place to start. DO NOT give in to this woman. I suspect I know the origins of your background - I married into a culture different from mine & MIL had similar expectations at our wedding. My parents hate her to this day for being such a deviant, and I still can’t feel love towards her for trying to be so controlling, but thankfully my husband doesn’t let her get away with much anymore.
Be strong - this is an incredibly trying situation to go through & I feel your angst!
Please call off the wedding. This is only the beginning of your problems.Your MIL is controlling and will try to run your life….run don’t walk away from this mess and let you fiancee know it is because of his mother. Mine started at the wedding too - The first incident I let slide by - by the second time she tried to interfere with MY wedding plans - I was firm and said No. My Hubby knew if he did not back me I was calling everything off. And I would have. It has been pure hell dealing with his family….I have not spoken to my MIL in 18 months- and do not plan to ever again. So, Girlfriend, GET OUT OF THERE now! Spare yourself the pain of dealing with a manliputive, controoling MIl.