My wedding was a love marriage and after a lot of grudges (cause my family was not equal in wealth & status), we got our in-laws consent and in a week’s time, the wedding was arranged. It is a custom in our country for the MIL to welcome the new bride into the family home by presenting a jewellery. They gave me a gold chain. Whatever they would have given, it wouldnt have made any difference to me, cause all I wanted was me to be accepted into my husband’s family.
After that we left to UK and visit the family every 6 months. My relationship with my in laws is very smooth and as we dont spend much time together I have nothing to complaint abt my mil.
In an another couple of months, they have fixed their 2nd sons wedding. A bid wedding has been planned. And for the new daughter in law for the custom gift they have purchased a diamond necklace worth multiple times the gold one they got for me.
Im not jealous that I havent got the diamond necklace. But my feelings are hurt! Is it right for them to have got that gift as if to imply there is a difference between me & the new girl. Is it not partiality? How can they treat 2 daughter in laws in the same family differently?! It is so obvious and has led to lot of gossip that the new girl is from a very rich family and hence the rich treatment.
This has nothing to do with my husband & he loves me lots.. The minute his mother told him about this, he wanted to take me shopping for a similar necklace.. but its not the necklace!!
Not sure if anyone had a similar problem. I have thot enough & have decided that I will not attend the wedding. I will also henceforth not goto the house where my feelings are not considered. What you all think? Would love to hear from you all on this.
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Advice
15 Responses to “Partiality between 2 daughter in laws?!”
I would most definitely let the in laws know that it was noticed. Say something like “But I don’t care, I got my treasure within my beloved husband.” Please don’t allow this to come between you and the new SIL, it’s not her fault.
okay I have a similar situation I married my husband and it was like a living nightmare she made my life miserable. My BIL got married and she was like the daughter that she never had because she was smaller than me and had a good job aparently kept house better than me just multiple things and I have no idea what to tell you to do but just know you arent the only one.
I have to go with Betty Lou on this. I wouldn’t make a real big deal out of it but if it is bothering you, then just mention it to your MIL. Please, please, please don’t take it out on the other DIL. It really isn’t fair to her and isn’t her fault.
I would give her that gold chain back, and I would go to the sil wedding, They didn’t do anything. Ooh your mil is so vicious, and smart. She wants you to be jealous of your sil to cause confusion between you two. Okay give her confusion but only her not the bil or sil…just her!!!!!!!!!! And you never know, you and your sil can form a bond and do her a$$ in!!! Think smart before actions and please give her back that necklace. Let her know if this was a gift from the heart and your sil was a gift from the heart what are you suppose to think. You are not desperate just because your family is not wealthy.
If your mil is nice to you maybe the necklace was not actually an affront. You mentioned a status difference. If your family had less money she may have given you a lesser gift to not embarrass your family. The new DIL to be could be from a wealthier family than yours and a gift of the same necklace would be insulting to the family and their status. If your mil is kind and tolerable, I wouldn’t bring it up or be hurt. I bet it is far more about appearances and culture than it is about you personally. Just my opinion =)
You are right to cut her off. My MIL hangs out with several of my husband’s ex g/f and ex wife. She tries to be friends with everyone, and then talks crap behind their back. You cannot change her. Forget about her. Wait until she is old and sick. She may want your help then, but you will already absolved yourself of any responsibility by cutting her off now. I can’t wait to tell mine to shove it and call one of his ex’s when she needs her ass wiped!!
Good luck
I would go with BMW’s view. She is absolutely right. Her reply has a matured and positive way of handling things. U have to go for this marriage as this will personally affect your respect and dignity among your husband’s family members. Also just think, your’s is a love marriage and your hub’s relatives may make this as a chance and may talk bad about you. Because of this your hus might also get a bad name.
Think wisely do you want to get such a bad name for you lovable husband who supported you by getting you a necklace after hearing his mother’s action????? give value to your husband’s feelings and do attend the marriage. Try to act smart and actions like not attending marriages will only spoil your reputation. Attend the marriage and when you get a chance try to ask your mom in law directly like why she showed such a partiality in this matter. Also talk to her about your feeling. First think of her like your friend and share your thoughts and feelings. Listen to what she says. Talking directly to the concerned person will solve lot of issues actually. Also if she behaves very nicely to you, then why do you bother about these things. Just my view
You already stated your in-laws weren’t happy with your match so they gave you jewelry out of obligation they gave the other DIL diamonds not just because she is rich but because picking her was their decision and they are happy with that match. Don’t make enemies with BIL and new SIL if they are nice with you please be nice with them. Your MIL is an instigator. Don’t fall for the trap.
It was an insult to show their control. Your husband is a very nice person. You are lucky! Just be happy with that. It looks like you have to develop a very thick
I believe this situation comes from a different culture then what most of us are accustomed to.
We MUST be careful not to cause big problems for those who do not have the same consequences as most do.
Perhaps Patricia should show the country of origin along with the story??????
I have a similar problem. Beacause of my B.I.L’s wife, is because my husband and i are seperated. They favor her more than me, but that’s fine because they really dont know who she is. When i first moved in with my husband to his parents house, we only fixed up his old room to make it work for us. We had no help from the in laws. But once his brother was married they have now spent thousands of dollars to make her a guest house. How obviuos can that be that they favor her more.
I say one of two things. For sure go to the wedding, #1 wear that chain with pride or #2 wear that chain and put on the bigger diamond that you husband offered to buy. I think you said same size but my mind is saying bigger
A persons family status or money don’t make a happier marriage, ya got it all if you got lucky in love. ….
Could their money have been tied up somehow when you were getting married?
I would say nothing to the Mother in Law.
I would attend the wedding and not shown any upset with the in laws.
In fact, have a really great time and enjoy every minute.
Sooner or later the other Daughter in law will see your MIL for who she really is. Sounds like she is trying to buy the new DIL affection but what does she want in return.
I would see it as a blessing, because people like your MIL will hold it against the new DIL when she does anything
I agree, you should not cause any more problems. You are lucky to have such a wonderful husband, and the family at least acknowledged you with the gold necklace..There are many reasons they may have gotten the sil a better necklace but those reasons do not matter…you got your husband, with their symbol of approval (however few carats it was) be happy and do not make a bigger thing out of it than it is. remember, in the end all it is, is a necklace…which I would much rather have as a gift from my husband than from a mil i didn’t like
My first impression is, if there was some amount of time in between, they are better off financially now as opposed to when they were shopping for you. Other than that, ask yourself what you are wanting to accomplish in the end. If this turns into you hurting THEIR feelings, are you okay with that?
I make it a policy in our home that he deals with his parents and I deal with mine.