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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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I have a rather long story, as my husband and I been together for ten years and married for one. MIL was never accepting of me since the very beginning. Her personality is known to be abrasive, narcissistic, manipulative, and aggressive to not just me, but the rest of the extended family as well. Unfortunately FIL is also narcissistic, but likely won't have the time I write that all here.
A little about me: I'm a nurse. I am introverted, passive, and maybe easily labeled as being timid/meek, which I am trying to work on.

When we first met, I was invited over for a dinner with their immediate family, MIL appeared pleasant. However, behind my back she told my bf at the time that I have little going on for me. I was just turning 18. She told him that I don't have attractive physical traits and that he can do much better. FIL agreed. At the time, I will come over to their place to have dinner once a week. After roughly a month, MIL walked up to me and said, 'You are not the brightest or prettiest, so you need to work harder in life than everyone else to fit in with this family. Why is it that I don't see you cooking or mopping the floor if you have the chance?' Naive me, stood there in shock, I nodded my head, went in the washroom to wipe the tears that came running down my face uncontrollably. She stood outside the washroom saying, 'You look even uglier crying. Useless and worthless, as crying is all you know.'

A few years of continued abuse went on, however I enrolled into nursing school, and saw MIL less. Unfortunately being constantly reminded how ugly I am by MIL made it hard for me to accept compliments by friends or other guys on my appearance. To make things hard, communication in my relationship wasn't the greatest. He never defended me or protected me. I fell into what I thought was depression, which lead to eating disorders that made me drop down to just 80lbs. It was a definite struggle to get through, but I am happy to report I overcame that.

Once while being over at MIL's, because she calls me over to babysit SIL's two little ones. MIL pulled me aside and said, 'You know I always try to protect you. I have noticed recently that my son leaves the house at 2am and isn't back until the morning. And I heard him talking to another woman. She has the prettiest voice. I'm not surprised though, I know my son best, so I knew he'll cheat.' Of course, I knew it was a lie. At the time, my bf and I will some times fall asleep talking on the phone, so I will hear him snoring.

After I finished nursing school, my husband and I got engaged. MIL came up to me the day after my husband purposed and said, 'What a pretty ring. I picked it, so thank me. You know I was always against you marrying my son, but he always ignores my wishes. Lets live together comfortably.' She desperately wanted us to live with her. Husband and I both just stated our careers, so we are still saving up for a place. It doesn't help that were we are from, a decent house costs 1.3 million.

While planning our wedding, she wanted to be involved with every part. She wanted us to ask for her approval when it comes to photography, venues, date, and even down to the dresses I choose to wear. She even demanded to see photos of dresses I picked out for my mother. I soon realized why. MIL even held a mini fashion show of her wearing her dresses in front of FIL and my husband. She proudly exclaimed, 'I am lucky to have such a slim body, unlike your mom's. If they held a beauty pageant for women above 40, I will surely win. I am even better looking than some pitiful looking 27 year old women.' She smirked and smugly looked at my direction. By that time, I have desensitized to most of her antics and rude remarks. Despite not having the wedding of my dream at the venue I wanted, or even the dresses I wanted to wear, I didn't let it bring me down. I only wish my husband will see that we are paying for all this, and it wasn't fair for MIL or FIL to have control over everything.

Now, things have gotten from bad to holy-bat-<i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i> madness living with MIL. MIL throws the loudest tantrums. She yells at the top of her lungs at me for the littlest things. Mind you, I cook dinner for husband, MIL, FIL, and BIL. I vacuum and mop the floors weekly, and I am on top of all the chores. For example, I was in the shower the other day, when I came out of the washroom, MIL was screaming, 'Why didn't you hear me call for you? I expect you to come every single time I call! Why are you such a filthy person? Your pillow sheet reeks, wash it this instant!' I told her they have already been changed a few days ago, and she yells, 'You think a man wants a stinky woman like you? He will leave you for a woman who smells like flowers where you reeks of garbage!' Comments like that are thrown over a 50 times a day. It has caused me a lot of stress. She will be against my nursing career. Her and FIL will gang up on me and say husband and I are destined for divorce. Nursing requires me to work nights as well, and they told me my husband will cheat on me because I am giving him ample opportunity to. Even the stress gets too much, I go home. I usually visit my parents over the weekends as I am their only daughter living here. My sister works out of town. MIL will ask why my husband seems to look paler and yell at me saying she thinks my parents poisoned their poor son. Accusations are so ridiculous, it some times has me thinking MIL is out of her mind. It's putting a lot of strain on our relationship, as my husband becomes the middle person. When my husband defends me when MIL bashes me nonstop when I am at work, MIL becomes more furious and asks him why he is always taking my side. She once told me my husband will never choose me over her because her blood runs through his, and that she is real family and I am not. I hope to move out sooner, and see less of her...




Hang in there hot stuff! You know this too shall pass and you are gorgeous or she wouldn't be so jealous;) I feel your pain and I too hope that my fmIL will subside but it will take work, relationship work between you and DH. Trust that you can always find us DIL to lean on. Post updates for us to help you through. Oxox peace & therapy

TheB****shehates commented 9 months ago

I just have one question...why the hell did you marry your husband? Are you a glutton for punishment? Hes just as bad as his mother because he allows his mother to verbally, mentally, and emotional abuse you. He is guilty of neglect and abuse by association. I say...RUN as fast you can away from the whole family, file for annulment so that the marriage never legally existed, make good $ as a nurse, pursue all your goals, live for yourself. Happiness will come. :-)

IEM commented 11 months ago

Just leave send him link to this and he will know why

Darla commented 1 year ago

I don't understand why you let her do this to you. If I were you i will leave move back to my parents and wait for my husband to follow me and then just rent problem solve. I'm dealing with monster in law as well and living in her house too but yours make my MIL look like a baby dino lol seriously. Move out now and show her whos the boss of her son.

Silkkitty commented 1 year ago

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!