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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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Well my story is a nightmare that ends sadly. I met my future husband back in 2000, I wasn't looking for anyone was just in a chat room in yahoo and he happened to DM me. We chatted for a while and he ended up calling me. I lived in Indiana and he lived here in Kentucky. After a month we decided to meet in person. Long story short I ended up pregnant and decided to move to Kentucky to be with him. Even longer story short after a couple of months and me nudging him (which was a mistake) he finally let me meet his mother, reluctantly. We went to her house and as soon as we got in I had to use the restroom (pregnant woman lol) and he stayed in the living room and talked to his mother. I caught the butt end of the conversation as i was leaving the restroom and the 2 things I heard come from her mouth was ''Is it yours?&quot; I thought .. omg no she didn't this woman hadn't even talked to me yet!.. second thing was ''First thing you need to do is get her into church''.. I mean really?!.. I came in to where they were sitting and I swear this woman drilled me like a drill Sargent, asking me everything under the sun! we didn't stay long.. 30 minutes tops.. after we got out into the car, I didn't mention what i had heard, he didn't give me a chance to say anything.. he said ''Do you see why I didn't want to come here?, Do you see why I didn't want to tell her''. I was quiet for the rest of the 30 min drive home. And it's pretty much been a nightmare after that. Now let me give you a little bit of a insight to how i am. Im not a perfect goodie too-shoes kind of girl. First of all I come from a family of 8 kids, im number 6. Im the type of person that is very quiet, sort of shy until i get to know you.. then im loud mouthed and I do have a vocab that would probably make satan blush.. just saying. Im hard headed and I can be basically difficult sometimes, but let me just say this.. I havent been around my husbands mother enough to piss her off or what have you.. but she sure the hell had it in for me.. let me explain. See while my husband was alive, for at least 12 years of our marriage, he wasn't what you would call ''faithful''. And my gut would always let me know when something was up.. my gut was NEVER wrong. This ofcourse led to arguments and fighting.. cause i wasn't bout to put up with that bs.. so anyway everytime I would catch him doing something he shouldn't, he would run and tell his mother, right after i caught him (he'd call her or what have you) telling a whole heap of fairy tails that I was basically mean and hateful to him ect ect ect.. you get the picture. Now don't get me wrong we had good times too.. basically this woman, because he was her only son took his side..never asked me what was going on, never said anything to me..oh but she sure did put him up to some evil <i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i><i class="fa fa-asterisk filtered"></i> to do to me. Like his first marriage, she found his lawyer for him..told him everything he needed to do to be underhanded to me. Got together with his ex wife, (who she invited to my husband's memorial after I emailed the b*tch and told her not to show up) and basically concocted a story and called CPS and told them that I abused his adopted daughter and tried to get my kids taken away. They also got his adopted daughter..who was maybe 10 at the time to make up a story that i ''twisted her arm'' ok anyone that knows me would know if i was gonna hit a kid, they'd be bent over my knee..just saying...well CPS came to talk to me, but when you have a child that sits there and tells your other children while she's over your house ''my daddy said when im over here that i can do what i want and nobody is going to do anything about it'' CPS isn't exactly going to take you seriously, not to mention there was no foundation for it..they spoke to all my kids and they told cps exactly how his daughter was while over at our house. There were so many instances of his mother butting into our relationship over the past 14 years I cannot count them all. Oh and she liked to ''give advice'' to my kids, like what she said to all 4 of my children while we were at his nephews wedding. Telling them all about his nephews new wife, how her family were well to do and that if they grew up and decided to get married that they needed to marry ''someone with money''.. ok from that statement I knew exactly what this woman cared about.. and who in the hell tells little kids this crap?!.. well obviously she does. I made sure once we got to the car, to let our children know that you don't marry someone for their money, you marry them because you love them and want to make a life with them. I think there was a hidden message from her in there for me ..but anyway.. like i said i had to put up with alot of bs from this woman for years.. to shorten this story in the last couple years of my husbands life, we had split up for about almost 2 years. (long story, swear i could write a book!) but decided to get back together in 2012. He was a very different person after I had moved back home and did a total turn around and our marriage was so much better. Even though things had happened his mother, i guess you would say, tried to be ''nice'' like adding me on facebook and would relay messages to me to give to my husband when she couldn't get ahold of him. I basically tried to let bygones be bygones not only for my husband but too that his sister was dying from cancer and didn't want friction when we had family gatherings. We had a family gathering in January for Christmas since his sister was sick and in the hospital. I could tell from the rest of his family that i wasn't welcomed there, my husbands mother tried to play nice, but his niece was extremely cold to me, to the point I walked away while she was talking to my husband... wasn't a comfortable situation for me. But it was once a year so i made the best of it. Let me also mention that since my husband was confiding in his mother all our problems to make himself look good NONE of his family had anything to do with our children (we have 2 children together a girl and a boy) No cards or phone calls for their birthdays, never went to their plays at school.. NOTHING.. I kept asking my husband why they never called or anything on the kids' birthdays ect.. and his response was ''I dunno''.. they would have nothing to do with our children because of their one sided opinion of me based on lies he told them. (I wasn't allowed to have his mother's phone number btw) Which is sad for my kids.. my children know nothing of these people..not because of me keeping them from their grandparent ect, but because THEY hated me they had nothing to do with the kids. smdh. Anyway months later the unthinkable happened. My husband was a courier for a medical company and drove blood samples ect to be tested from Lexington ky to Cincinnati Ohio, he was almost to Cincinnati and started having really bad chest pains.. long story short he went to the hospital and they couldn't find anything. He ended up coming home. And even though he was having chest pains again, being a stubborn red head that he was, I couldn't convince him to go back to the hospital that night. He died at 1:18 am. Was the absolute worst night of my life. As I said before i tried to let bygones be bygones and even though his adopted daughter and I didn't get along she was the first person I called to let her know that her father was at the hospital, second person was his mother. I got very little time alone with my husband after he died because someone was constantly interrupting it with papers to sign.. wanting me to donate his organs ect. but his daughter got time alone with him, because I asked her if she wanted it and we all left the room and let her say her goodbyes. his mother showed up later. anyway next day and a few days after that his mother played her ''nice'' role..basically pulling out her check book to pay for my husbands cremation..which she got paid back in full after I got his bank account and things in order. she did the same thing at for our wedding, basically taking over everything.. but that's another story. she called me on the phone every other day and we would discuss things that would happened and my husbands sister who was in the hospital very sick. (she ended up dying 12 days after my husband) ect ect. I thought things were good.. oh she played a very convincing role to be sure. She called me one day about something and then just happened to throw into the conversation about my husbands ex wife wanting her and her family to go to the memorial. I basically tried to pled my case, to no avail. I ended up calling her later leaving a voicemail and emailing her to make sure she got the message and explain to her in a nice way that this woman had been married 4 times after she was married to my husband and everything she did to me and my children I wouldn't feel comfortable with her being there and that i was emailing his ex and let her know that she wasn't welcomed. his mother never called back so i called her again, and basically got the song and dance of ''you need to be forgiving'' and ''that was the past'' blah blah blah.. and not in a nice was either..she was basically giving me an ultimatum. and kept telling me ''oh you'll never even see her, she'll be in the back'' ect ect.. that was a bold faced lie.. his ex and my mother in law were standing outside talking at my sister in laws funeral. once they saw me come out they scattered like cockroaches.. I believe she told this woman to come to my husbands memorial anyway, cause the thing showed up.. and not only wasn't she ''out of sight'' but she pranced her sorry butt up to the front talking to my mother in law and stood there for at least 20 minutes to make sure i saw her, my mother in law also kept looking over at me... (mind you this woman never shed a tear at my husbands memorial..his own mother! smdh) and his ex sat in the middle of the church in eye sight of me.(oh and btw this chick, like i said has been married 4 times after she was married to my husband and still uses my husbands last name on facebook) the memorial thing, basic slap in the face.. oh and not only that my family couldn't make it to my husbands memorial because of the distance. His family spent the time after the memorial gathered around talking to my husbands ex.. exchanging phone numbers ect while the only time they spoke to me was to come up to me for 2 secs and tell me how sorry they was before the memorial. Noone from his immediate family had anything to do with me afterwards.. I was pretty upset and pissed and after everyone went downstairs of the church to eat i sat up in the sanctuary, I never spoke to anyone of them after that, never went downstairs and left early.. no goodbyes..nothing.. they didn't deserve it. I never spoke to them again. His sister and niece tried to talk to my children and get them to go to his adopted daughters baby shower.. wasn't going to happen. I changed my number and messaged them on fb and told them to leave me and my children alone. Best thing I ever did. When people act like this towards you and your children, best thing to do is to cut them off. My life is stress free not having to deal with them anymore. Don't get me wrong, my husband was a blessing in the last couple years of his life, and I wish with all my heart that our entire marriage was that way (it probably would have been if his mother stayed out of it!) and I wish everyday that he was still with us, but I thank God everyday that I am no longer related to those ignorant, self centered, stuck up people!

I'm so sorry about your husband's passing. You have absolutely done the right thing by cutting off all ties with his family. They sound incredibly toxic!!! Your children are so much better off without that BS.

Cat commented 3 years ago

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!