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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

If you are looking for a place to find support, seek advice, laugh a bit, and maybe resolve your mother-in-law issues, look no further!
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My husband and I are staying with his mother until we get our own place. She complains about everything. She always tells me what in doing wrong, actually what she thinks I'm doing wrong. My husband works long hours so I'm there with her all day. I wanted a job so bad, but it's hard to apply when you don't know anyone around there and MIL said she doesn't want to babysit our one year old. When I do get hired somewhere and find a sitter, she makes comments like;" You just want that higher paying job so you can pay the babysitter AND have extra money in your pocket!" I don't think she realizes that it's the idea of having a job. She gives me looks when I speak. Criticizes my driving,(she doesn't have a license or a car because of DUI's) so she has to rely on me to take her places. She tells me how SHE does laundry and dishes and that's how she wants me to do it. Certain settings on the washer only. I can put dish soap on the sponge but not the dish clothe. She said I bring too much food in the house. I told her I buy for all of us. She said she doesn't easy what we eat, but whenever I make dinner, she eats it. I'd I don't offer her something she gets offended. But I cook and clean it up. Her RULES are always changing. She treats me totally different when her son is not around. I told him some things the other day and I was crying. He said something to get and she stopped talking to me. She still has her demands, but otherwise she stays clear of me. I can feel her watching my every move tho. I want to scream. She tries to tell me how to raise my daughter, tells at her, tries to discipline her. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. She always has something negative to say to me. I don't know how long I can handle living there. I escape to my parents house sometimes. They live over an hour away. There's so much more I could say, in just going to take a break now. Ahh.


I totally feel for you, as we're staying with my in-laws right now as well (finally moving into our own place this month....hooray!). Anyway, yes it is hard. It's their house, so their rules, and they are happy to be as inconsiderate as they like, knowing we have no choice but to stay here and endure it. Try your very best to ignore her. So long as you are doing your best to help out around the house, that's all that should matter. I think you can probably meet her halfway, by trying to do some of those things in the way she's asking (ie. using the setting on the washer that she likes), but other things you don't need to feel the need to do her way, such as how to raise your child.

My FIL does sometimes yell at our kids, and it sends me right over the edge. I just remind myself that these people are going to push their grandkids away with their behaviors. My kids are now afraid of my FIL, instead of revering him (which is how they felt about him before they had to live with him). My son has already said that once we're in our own place, he doesn't want to visit his grandfather too much because "Grandad can be mean". And, guess what? I have no plans of pushing my son to visit his grandfather any more than needed.

Try to meet her halfway where you can, and ignore the other stuff...and just try to hang in there while you guys make your plans to finally eventually have your own place. If you want to get a job, go ahead and do it. Ignore your MIL. It can be part of how you save money to get out of there, and give you a little sanity as well. Go ahead and escape to your parents house whenever you can!!!

Remember, one day (hopefully soon) you'll be in your own place, and then YOU will make the rules. Hang in there!

Cat commented 1 year ago

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!