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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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Good GOD help me find love and patience for this evil vile woman and please help her be less crazy and childish. Ok so I was in the bathroom when I heard my phone ring but I finish my business. Before I am done washing my hands this crazed obsessive woman texts me. I read it, it says, " I got my patches and from now on when you guys call I won't pick up. So I text her that my husband is still at the gym and I was in the bathroom when she called, I'm sorry I could not make it in time to the phone but I am texting her back now. (Please kindly correct me if my handling of this was wrong and offer kind suggestions but anyway ladies.) She texts my phone probably thinking that my husband was texting her, she says, "Your wife is so nasty, my message was for you." I read it and my mind flares up in anger and I compose myself to be able to speak to her calmly without exploding. I call her and calmly tell her like it is (I am so done with her self appointed high horse, I refuse to grovel and let her walk all over me). I said, "Mrs. Adams (real names will not be used just in case she reads confessions to try to find ways to be the worst mother in law possible) I was not trying to be nasty but was simply stating the truth and also, my husband is still at the gym and I am home by myself right now. Then this crazy woman goes to say, "You know what?! That message wasn't for you!" Still keeping calm I respond repressing my anger and utter disbelief that a grown 50 something year old woman could be so petty, " But it's my phone, you called my phone and texted my phone." Then she angrily says, " You know what?!".....*short pause* She then abruptly hangs up on me instead of trying to talk things out calmly like adults. My husband and I have been married for 2 and 1/2 years known each other in total for about 5 years and slowly her crazy is starting to show and day by day it gets WORSE not better. She is extremely petty and childish. She never admits that she is wrong and whatever my husband or I do for her she is not appreciative of and sometimes forgets it all together. She over exaggerates and constantly takes things ANYONE says the wrong way. She is a woman that if she doesn't like someone she wants everyone in her circle to hate them too. Dear God I pray and pray and pray hoping you will answer. We need help......help me find patience and love for this crazy woman.


I am struggling with my answer here. On the one hand, my first inclination would be to think to myself "Fine. I'm happy not to call you at all. Ever" I mean, what exactly is the point of a relationship with this woman other than the occasional visit or phone call? I'd let my husband deal with her, honestly. I tried for YEARS to make nice with my MIL, and at the end of the day I realized nothing I ever do is going to cut it. The woman insists on being unhappy. There's little you can do about that!!

I would create a little distance there, hun. Stop responding when she calls/txt your phone, and let your husband deal with her craziness. Clearly he didn't answer her on his phone because he's smart enough to either ignore it when he's out or leave his phone behind.

Look, everyone in her circle probably knows how nutty she is. If she tries to get people in her circle to hate you and your husband because you finally give in and stop picking up that phone, so be it! Are those people really worth worrying about? If they were that wonderful, they would hear both sides and realize she's out of her mind. A true friend/family member would not pick sides, and would just enjoy their own personal connection with you apart from her.

Personally, I'm happy to cut off ties with anyone my MIL has convinced that I am a monster. Those people are not worth me even worrying about. REAL, genuine people who I would actually want to be in touch with are the kind that love me for who I am. I don't need superficial idiots who would take the word of a pinch-faced biddy over finding out the truth for themselves from me.

That's just my feelings on the matter.

As for how to love her...ugg. I admit I do love my MIL. I just prefer to love her at a bit of arm's reach. When she steps out of line, I bat her back across the line. I'm happy to ignore phone calls and txt until she acts like a decent human. We went 2 years with only picking up the phone about 4x/year until my MIL and FIL finally realized they probably had better stop being jerks to us when we did communicate with them. Naturally, they still have jerky moments, but at least now they know to expect me to completely distance myself from them. They also know that when I distance myself from them, I'm happy to distance my kids from them as well...and that my husband isn't the one who remembers birthday/xmas calls and gifts - I AM. ;) My husband would never call them on his own, he only does when I remind him to do so....so irritating me does not get them good results ;)

Cat commented 1 year ago

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!