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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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Hi there. I don't even know where to begin. I guess at the beginning? I've been with my husband for over 10 years and we have two children together. My in-laws took an instant dislike to me, even before they met me. We've done various stages of cut-off with them over the years, which have always been successful in getting them to behave better. We used to live much further away from them, so back then it was easy to just not pick up the phone...

We made the sorry mistake of moving in temporarily with them when we moved to their country (yes, you read that right). Things had been somewhat on the improve when we made this plan....and so was the economy here. We seemed to arrive as the economy tanked (we had been planning this for 2 years, sold our house and gave away/threw out/sold 99% of our possessions before we moved). What we also did not realize is that my BIL would be living here. We (incorrectly) assumed that since he's away at college, he know....stay there (until the xmas break). We didn't realize that because BIL needs his butt wiped every other weekend by his mummy and daddy, it would mean we would then be 7 people living under one roof.

Seven people under one roof might not be so bad if 2 of those people weren't ignorant. My BIL and his daddy are good ol' boy drinking buddies who feel BIL should never be spoken to for his rude behaviors (I guess I missed the memo that BIL's poo doesn't stink, that he's god's gift to the world and that he should be encouraged and clapped on the back for his cruel and rude behaviors).

Well, you can see the writing on the wall here. I finally had enough of BIL's ignorant behavior, and I finally snapped and told him I didn't appreciate it, didn't want to hear his mouth, etc. Well, daddy dearest came to baby boo-boo's rescue and said that he's taking a side, and that "OBVIOUSLY" (his stressed word, which he used twice for emphasis) he's going to take BIL's side (without even knowing any of the facts leading up to this because, and I know this sounds strange, but I don't go running and whining to my MIL and FIL every time BIL steps out of line (mainly because I'd be running to them constantly lol...and also because I believe 2 people can sort out their own differences - and also because I knew my side would never be respected anyway.)

Well, you can imagine it's made things incredibly tense here in this house. Hubby is still desperately looking for work an hour away from this one-horse town, but as I mentioned the economy has tanked and unemployment is high, so he's competing with lots of other people out there looking for work.

Now we're stuck in a very uncomfortable position, and I've finally lost my ability to suffer in silence, so we're all at a bit of an impasse. I've tried just hiding in my room and not speaking to anyone, but they come bother me in here wanting to hash it out again, and frankly I just want everyone to leave me alone and just let us try to move on in peace (if the darned phone would hurry up and ring with a job offer).

My husband is a very gentle soul. He has spoken in my defense, but his opinion is never respected around here...little baby boo-boo is the only one who gets anyone to listen to him, and naturally they're too busy wiping his butt and clapping him on the back to realize they've created a monster who, at 30 years old, should by now be a decent human being who is capable of treating people decently. BIL's been cheered on by his heavy-drinking father (FIL) because he's also a fan of his drink, he's a womanizer, and an athletic guy (everything that my husband is NOT).

I'm at my wits end, nearly ready to find some kind of crisis center so the kids and I don't have to deal with the crud that goes on in this house...but that would really hurt my husband, and so I've held off on that option. We're exploring every option for housing (even house sitting), but nothing has yet panned out (at least, nothing we can afford without a job). My husband does have unemployment money coming in (this country actually takes care of its unemployed folk to some degree), but it is not enough to pay for an apartment. There is housing and rent assistance, but the gears grind slowly on that front, and we're likely to be another several weeks waiting for that to work out (but yes, we are applying for it, especially now that tensions have risen so high).

I'm just - lost. I'm in a strange country living under the roof of people who never really liked me in the first place, and tensions are very high in our home. I'm having some trouble adapting 100% to the climate and social differences as it is, without their crud adding on to it. Hindsight being 20/20, we would have made other choices in our move if we had known the BIL was going to be here so much...but, here we are.

Just needed a safe place to vent. Clearly, it's not safe to vent here in this house (except to my poor, long-suffering husband, whose heart is breaking over all of this)

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!