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Daughters in Law... don’t suffer in silence!

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I cannot get over my MIL. I just need to let it OUT! We've been married for almost 4 years now and my tongue is bleeding because of how much I bite it! I have really been trying my best to be positive and not read into things and be the better person but in order to do that I just have to get it all out. My MIL has three kids all boys my husband being the oldest. She puts us last in EVERYTHING. We have one child and one on the way. She never asks us when we would like to do get together for holidays etc. They don't give us more than 10 min notice to do family suppers. She expects us to go above and beyond for the other boys (the middle one has one child as well) to watch our niece but our child gets shoved behind. Example... Our son is under the age of 3 and she volunteered to watch him on a day she didn't have to work so we said yes and we would like it to be an all day thing so we could clean and get things done before the new baby which is due in a few months. She agreed. Well this morning came and we called, texted, and even stopped by her house to drop off our child and she didn't answer, and was not home. She didn't answer until the afternoon and said she decided that she needed to go out of town for an oil change and wanted to mow first (112 heat index) and then she requested we watch our niece until about midnight Saturday night so she and everyone else can stay late at a wedding for people she barley knows. Now she said going to be able to watch him until 1 so we gritted our teeth and accepted. well it is now almost 3 and still no more updates, no help no nothing after we made plans to be productive. This is not the first time. The other times (yes multiple) we asked if she could watch our child after I was done working so we could go have a mini date night and she agreed which really was just needing 3 hours or so to have a meal and time to reconnect so we went to a restaurant which was about 30 min away. Both times during our meal like 15 min she calls and requests that we come get our child so she can go to town to watch the other grandchild but we would have to be there ASAP because they wanted to go out drinking. I feel like she just favors this other child and its sad because our niece is a sweet girl and I don't want to associate anything negative because of someone else. She agreed to our request first so I don't understand it. It doesn't make sense to me that you would put one child over another when on top of it I'm super pregnant and my husband just had surgery and so I have to take care of him as well then add all that on and expect us to bend over backwards but no respect or consideration in return. *UGH

This one's easy. You know she won't be there for you or your child. 1. Don't accept her requests to babysit your niece. She is not the niece's parent and if the parent is not asking you to watch the kid, then you're not actually being asked. 2. Stop asking her to watch your kid. Period. Just don't. If she offers, tell her no thanks. 3. Don't accept last minute dinner invites. I love my MIL, sweetest woman on the planet, but has a bad habit of waiting until the last minute to invite us over. I won't accept last minute requests anymore and she's been getting better about planning things with us in advance.

Anonymous commented 2 years ago

Sweetie. You need to grow a spine.

Don't let her babysit your kids anymore, and say "Sorry it isn't a good time for us," when she wants you to watch the niece. Have a kid from the high school watch your kid if you want to go on a date. The thirty bucks there would be well spent! She is clearly manipulating you, so stop letting her!

You need to start fading into the background. How do you think it makes your kids feel to know they are second best to the others? They know. Kids aren't stupid. Are you going to allow them to be treated like they are less than? Why would you do that? Did you ever feel like a second class citizen as a kid? Not favored? It sucks, and it kills your self esteem.

Protect your babies. Limit contact with these people to restaurant meetings only.

Meghan commented 2 years ago

This may sound obvious, but have you ever tried telling her these things upset you? Because it sounds like you haven't. At all. Which makes it your problem too, quit whining over how hard done by you are and take action to stop this behaviour.

Sam commented 2 years ago

I am a producer for a nationally syndicated talk show. We are doing a show about in-laws who are divided and would be willing to hear some empowering advice on how to bring the family together. I'd love to talk to you about it. If you'd like to know more, please message me at

Brandi commented 2 years ago

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daughters in law, don’t suffer in silence!