not your usual question.

by Linda on 08/28 @ 4:01pm

I am a 57 yr old widow who was married for 34 yrs. I met my partner 2 yrs ago and we live together my problem is his mother has total control over him and he loves it! He sees himself as the giver and he is very selfless. She however is the bat from hell. Our first few meetings she sprayed a very strong perfume over me and said there was a bad smell in the place! My mate trys to stick up for me but he also is very condesending when he wants to be so she basically rules his time and choices.My prtner has not been in a relationship for over 20 yrs ( probably because of her) He says he loves her and wants me to fit in with their plans. What am I doing I adore my man but not his mother who we have to see four times a week all day!

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7 Responses to “not your usual question.”

Leslie said on 08/28/08 @ 6:56pm

Well what’s the reason that she treats a woman your age that way. Where does anyone get off being that rude. I know you love your man but if he steps down and doesn’t back you up. And instead listens to his mother. Then you and him need a serious convo. No man his age should even let his mother control or even like the fact that his mother still treats him as a child. This needs to be resolved a.s.a.p.. Talk to him in private and ask him why he lets her treat you and HIM that way. And not like adults…

Betty Lou said on 08/28/08 @ 8:13pm

He wants YOU to fit in with THEIR plans? I would give him an ultimatum… it’s her or me. If she had enough nerve to spray perfume in your face I can only imagine what she is capable of doing behind your back. I would never eat or drink anything she made for me. A scary woman. Try going fishin again.

buddahsbabydoll said on 08/29/08 @ 4:58am

My Fiance, like yours was out of the dating game for some time. He calls it a self imposed coma. Now that he is awake, my fmil is having fits. I looked at their relationship the other day and said, OMG. My fiance has taken the place of his father. He does everything a husband does, but sleep with her. She acts like a man in one way and is helpless in others. If you want to keep the man, go away on a trip with out fmil. You pick the date/place/time. You have to control the situation. These men are used to mom acting like a mom. So move him from dedicated son to husband over time and make her the bad guy. If she bucks at things you want to do then point them out to him as her being controlling and you being loving and fun. With these men it’s a process like retraining a puppy. Just keep the news paper and water handy. If he acts up, quickly correct him with a splash of water in the face. If the fmil acts up, hit her with the paper, rub her nose in the poo and tell her BAD FMIL, BAD FMIL.

kIMBIE

Betty Lou said on 08/29/08 @ 2:42pm

lol at buddahsbabydoll. We all know what a mother dog is called.
Is there any way to get out of seeing her 4 days a week? Do you work together? He needs weaned . . .

buddahsbabydoll said on 08/30/08 @ 12:34am

Betty Lou,

The spca and pound always has openings.(lol) Another way is to enroll them in some activity at the ymca, senior center, local community college. Anything to get them a life and stop intruding into yours. If all else fails, petsmart has training class. Buy her a pet that is like a little baby and she can baby instead of her son. Unfortunaly, my fmil is more man than most men I know and doesn’t like anything warm, cuddle, or alive other than her son. That is no longer an option for her because i require my men to be alive, warm, and great in all other special ares. Thank God she can’t compete with me there.

Betty Lou said on 08/31/08 @ 4:49pm

That’s a great idea buddahsbabydoll! Christmas is coming up, let’s all buy the MIL a gift certificate to some sort of class. Perhaps an etiquette class? lol