My finace and i have been together for 3 years and are discussing seriously about getting married soon. My future mother in-law just came to visit. i work in a different city and only stay at our house 3 days a week, then work in another city the other 4 days. so before i left i knew my fiance’s parents were coming to stay a few days so i cleaned our house top to bottom. (not that i was trying to impress them because their house is dirty and clutterd but i wanted their stay to be relaxing). They left the day i would be coming home so i actualy didn’t get to see them. But when i got home i found a note placed on top of my laundry hamper in our bedroom…it read: “Gina, pick up your mess! remember, this is Jason’s home not yours or MINE.” Then i went out to the kitchen and found a notebook on the counter which happens to be my journal, and noticed she wrote her own commentary next to my 2008 goal list. i had a goal listed about finding a job closer to my home…next to it she wrote, “why?” then at the bottom of the page she wrote, ” eat out more, because i don’t cook, and i don’t clean the house or work in the yard…all i like to do is spend Jason’s money” . She then left Jason a note that siad, ” jason, she will never help you with a damn thing and you know it. you can’t love someone like that”.
So…just to let you know, i clean jason’s house for us every weekend i am there. i teach him how to keep it clean because its a mess when i arrive. he has never been taught to deep clean and his mother, the example never cleaned their home. I consider this my home too. i cook there, i clean it, i sleep there, i relax in it, i decorate it to my taste..and jason has never given me a dime. thats why i continue to work out of the city a 100 miles from our home is because i make great money and am passionate about my job. when we get married is when i will move up here full time and work here. She makes comments about ow her son will hopefully wait a lot longer before he gets married…(he is 32) and how he feels like he will never want children although children is a very popular conversation in our lives and crucial to our future. i have never been treated like this in my entire life. i am a very well respected member of my community and adored my many…not to toot my own horn, but those are my mothers words under a waterfall of tears when i told her what jason’s mother had done. we can not understand it. Anything that is negative in jason’s life is because of somebody else, anything positive is because thats the way she raised him. get it? he was adopted and is an only child. she makes comments like, “well, obviously jason gets his height from his dad’s side of the family!” um……ok? is she mentaly ill? i need some major advice. i have been in tears for days and jason is in a terrible position help please!!!
Gina
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
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4 Responses to “No woman will ever be good enough!! Help please!”
SORRY ! Been there done that, have the tshirt. ( and the hat). Mine was the orig in laws from hell. heard most of that and more. At fist my husband didn’t see it. said it was all in my head. Then he saw them in action and boy did he wake up. he told them right to their faces, that from now on we were nrs 1,2 and 3. And they were after us and if they didn’t like it. They didnt need to come around as he was not going to let us be talked to that way or spoken about. And he forced his father to apoligize to me. Will never change till he takes control, puts his foot down and they see he means it.
Gina Gina Gina
Read this very carefully~!!!!! Jason is not in a terrible position. If he loves you and YOU are his choice for a wife, HE NEEDS TO NIP THIS IN THE BUD NOW, or girfriend you are going to go from the frying pan into the fire. First of all what was she doing in you personal stuff?? That alone shows NO RESPECT FOR ANYONE’S PRIVACY. It was not bad enough that she looked in the book but to have the gall and ordasity to write in it??????? If Jason is not willing to put his foot down, then YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING TO HER!!!! If he doesnt like it or won’t back you up, then you should really reconsider this relationship. Do you really want to sign up for a lifetime of aggreviation or end up in a divorce court???? Trust me I am an old lady compared to you IT IS NOT WORTH IT! There are plenty of fish in the sea…….Good luck let us know how it goes……
RUN FOR THE HILLS. If this cannot be resolved with you and Jason deciding on some ground rules and coming together to share those ground rules with his mother, you need to leave this relationship.
It will kill you over the long haul.
“Gina, pick up your mess! remember, this is Jason’s home not yours or MINE.” is absolutely a controlling, unacceptable, manipulative note. Their is no if and or but about it. This is a controlling person that is verbally aggressive if not, verbally and emotionally abusive.
It is likely that this behaviour is not new. Did this women do this to her son growing up? If so, how will affect the way he deals in the marriage.
See monster in law to laugh your bum off and then please, get some help here. You need to talk to Jason about how you are feeling… He may want to defend his mother… and it will be key not to attack her but to stick to how you feel. If this does not work, you should def. enlist the help of a therapist/conselor… if it can’t be set — the ground rules for your relationship together, you will have bigger problems in the future.
It is so very sad that mothers of sons are so controlling. It is also so sad that we live in a day when ladies do not feel good about themselves and do not have the support of their spouses… this influences mothers to use their sons to fulfill their own unmet needs…
cycles continue. Be careful and stop this now.
Good luck…
What a nasty, passive-aggressive piece of work that waterbuffalo is! Entitled, boundary-less and hateful, too.
I have to wonder what Jason’s reaction was to his mother’s ill treatment of you; did you show him your notebook? What did he say? Did he say anything to his mother?
Dee, Pat and Amanda are correct; if Jason doesn’t grow a set and stand up to his mother NOW, your relationship is doomed. A broken heart is a heckuva lot less expensive than a divorce.
- the shiksagoddess