Ok, I need somewhere to vent and advice. So my husband and have a beautiful 2 month old baby boy, and my MIL cannot hold back on what I should be doing for him. To list a few, she doesn’t like what I have put him in (clothes wise), what I should be eating, am I singing to him?, what she thinks I should be doing for work (I have a great job!), to top it of she will say a lot of this like the baby is saying it to us (ex.Mommy why do you do this….). It’s just constant negative when I go there, rather then positive on what I’m doing for my baby. I just feel if this is already happening at 2 months, how bad is this going to get over the years?
It hard enough being a new mom! Now I see why being a parent is such a hard job, it’s not the child, it’s the people around you that want to tell you what do to and putting their judgement on you!
Does anyone have advice on what is a respectful way to say something to stop it when it’s happening? I feel like I could explode if I don’t and would rather stop it before that happens.
:o( Please help a new mom
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Advice
7 Responses to “New Mother needs advice………”
thank her for her advice. tell her you have chosen to do it this way. You are raising your child the way you want to, just like she raised her child the way she wanted to.
You will have to allow your husband to handle this situation. Tell your husband that he needs to tell his mother to stop this passive aggressive behavior. If she doesn’t stop or if your husband refuses to talk to her about it (and set some boundaries) then it won’t stop. If your MIL can’t address you then don’t respond. For example, when she says, “Mommy, why did you put this onesie on me?” do not respond. She needs to address you if you she has a question, not a defenseless infant. You also need to stand up for yourself. Tell her to address you directly and not the baby. Do not play this game with her.
If I’ve learned anything that MILs may be bad before you have their grandchilren….but afterwards, all hell will surely turn loose.
Sadly, nothing you ever say to her will change her behavior. nothing. You can only limit the time that you make yourself and your child suseptible to her emotional abuse. I don’t know where the husband is in the picture and who’s side he is on…but I would try this: The next time you are visiting, wait until she starts on you, (especially with the talking for the baby crap! I hate that!) then say, “you know what. I think i’ve taken as much as I can take today”, don’t say one more word, pick up your child and stuff, and get in the car and leave. It should make an impact. It might make her bite her tongue more the next visit. Either way…it wont stop the behavior but will calm it for awhile. You have to punish adults like children. Let them know what behavior you are going to tolerate and what behavior you are not.
Good Luck!
Firm boundaries. I hate the passive aggressive attacks. My MIL is queen of p/a attacks. I’ve learned a few ways to deal with it:
1) Oh, grandma doesn’t know what she’s talking about…it was done that way 30 years ago sweetie (said to child, since she is talking to the child so can you.)
2) If it is p/a attack said directly to you : “What do you mean by that?” “Thanks for your input but I will be doing it this way” “My pediatrician says otherwise.”
3) If she gives you a back handed compliment like “Oh, are those new pants? You must FINALLY be losing all that weight you put on” you can reply sweet as pie “yes, DH bought them for me. He loves my new body after the baby” (It will burn her butt that not only did you miss her message insinuating that you are a fat cow and it is about time to lose the weight, you are telling her that her son thinks you are beautiful) LOL.
4) I like what fedup said about up and leaving. She will get the message loud and clear because you both know that she is insulting your parenting and trying to take over through passive aggressive games.
She will never change. You will never be “good enough” with your child. She will always know better. Absolutely limit the time you must spend with this witch and never permit her to be alone with your child. And the bit about treating her like a child — so she will know what you will not tolerate — this is the only thing that works with my meddlesome, know-it-all MIL. She used to insist on visiting every day. I’ve finally reduced it to one or two visits per week — which is still way too many!
ok, its been quite simple for me, after nasty, disrespectful snide comments, I read in a parents magazine, & I just love it & have stuck with it….OUR home, OUR child, OUR rules. Its very simple & matter-of-factly, you arent being mean about it, & when you arent at home, it still stays, OUR child, OUR rules. And luckily I have instilled that into DH’s head as well, because its the darn truth and quite honestly what you do with your child & the rules you set are between DH & you & no one has a right to question what you have set, you should expect that those rules implied will be respected without question.
(as you may be able to tell, I & as well as the rest of us her have had it up to here with all the MIL’s!!)
Best of luck to you & your DH & congrats on your new little one!!
Tell her where to stick it?
What does hubby say about this? People stressing you out will stress the baby out too. If you don;t want to go boer there…don’t go. I know it’s easy to “say that” but you have to do what is best for your baby.