Gosh! I am so glad I can vent to other people about my MIL problems. Other people I talk to have rather normal relationships with their MILs. Sometimes I feel like I want to pack and move far, far away! Seriously, I am about to lose it! My husband and I have her only grandson. He is only 16 months old. My MIL is a total freak when it comes to him. Let’s just start with that she is a compulsive spender. We have every toy known to man, clothes you wouldn’t believe. Really ridiculous. On top of that she wants to call me at LEAST 3 times a day. She wants to come by when it’s convenient for her NOT for our family. She like to just “drop by” and if I don’t answer the door, she starts walking around the house looking in the windows. She likes to force her new loser husband and his two kids on me and my husband which we are not fond of at all. She makes comments that she wouldn’t have married him if she knew her grandson was coming along and she is totally miserable with him. Then she expects us to accept them as family at family events. Weird huh? Last Christmas I made a mistake and told her what I was buying Landon for Christmas, which wasn’t much since he was only 8 months old. She goes behind my back and buys everything. She like to comment on how much Landon looks like her. For instance, “My baby is so pretty, he looks just like me.” It make me want to vomit. But in reality Landon looks a lot like his mom and a little like his dad. Last but not all, she likes to buy me things so it makes me feel obligated to her. A real control freak. Lately, she offered to pay our lake privilege dues in our neighborhood so she can have get together with her family at our house. (She is calling me right now about it!) I have a hard time confronting her with all of this and it builds up to where I explode (not good). My husband ignores all of it but she is not calling him all the time. If anyone can relate to some of this please, I am open to any suggestions. whew!
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
10 Responses to “My MIL is a Grandmother from Hell!”
Ok. She is the MIL from hell. Sorry.
You sound as if you’re really in control of your situation though. If you sit down with your DH and he does nothing - then that says A LOT about him….
That being said… Unless you really want to go out of your mind for the rest of your living days on earth you’re going to have to take control of your situation (blowing up or not) and tell her how things are…. If she’s misrable in her own marriage - well, that’s not your problem unless you let it be…. All the toys and clothes, well, you seriouly could start donating them to homeless children that have nothing. Those mother’s will appreciate the gifts more that anyone on the face of the planet. (And they need it)
So, you go girl and give it to her!
Talk to your MIL about her imposing her husband and step children on you on a regular basis, other than that I do not see a problem with her. She wants to spend christmas with you guys great, you did not mention that she was rude to you in any way. Also, i wish that my MIL would at least buy a toy for my children. In the beginning my children did not even get christmas presents from MIL. She started to buy them recently when her daughter recently moved closed to her and she was the one that suggested it. Only the other grand kids received presents. She also never wants to spend time with my children less us as a family. Mil also never invites ot parties, I know this because her own family members asked us why we did not show to an event and they stated that they invited us through MIL. You should try reading the other stories in this website and that would make you feel better about your MIL. Nobody is perfect.
P.S.
My kids look their dad and two of them in particular look like her. I know this because everybody else tells me this. My Dh mention this to her and she always denies any resemblance to my kids. Not all grandma’s are proud of their grandchildren.
nise_lopez2000,
Your MIL sounds just like mine. The only birthday gift she ever gave one of my children was something she got out of a cereal box. I literally stood there with my mouth dropped open. If she had been poor I could have understood. She spent all kinds money on herself.
kms154,
The main problem with this MIL buying all these gifts is . . when the child grows older he will not appreciate anything. If gifts are given regularly….. Christmas, Birthdays, etc. lose all their excitement. I would explain this to the MIL and insist she slows down on the buying. If you don’t want her to host a party in your home … just tell her. “I would rather not have a party in my home at this time”. If she pushes . . . just say “NO”. As far as feeling obligated because of the gifts she buys you …… DON’T allow yourself to feel that way. Perhaps if you say “NO” in a firm voice (like you would a dog) she will get the message. It’s not all in what you say . . . the tone means a lot. Good Luck!
I forgot,
If it “rings her bell” to think YOUR baby looks like her….let her think it. Don’t sweat the small stuff, you will need your energy for years to come. Bless You!
maybe your mother in law just wants to be accepted and loved and doesn’t know you well enough to express it any other way than to buy things. has she ever (whether you directly asked for it or not) helped you with your bills or household expenses, not only because you might not could have afforded it at the time, or just so you would have money for other things which would make life easier for you? has she ever been there in any other way except financially? like babysitting at a moments notice or helping with any family crises? have you tried accepting her for who she is and incorporating her into your new family so she wouldn’t feel left out? it’s very hard to just turn a son over to someone after doing the best you could to raise him and not be sure of the person he loves besides you. there could be so many worse things for you to put up with. why don’t you try being her friend, spending time just with her, and including her in some of your family acitivities so she won’t feel so left out and unappreciated. then she can begin to see how you would like for your family to be and be assured that even though she’s not in her son’s immediate family anymore, that she is still loved, wanted, and will be included in family times not out of obligation, but because she is loved, wanted and appreciated.
I don’t have any children but what you explained is honest to GOD my worst fear. You took the words right out of my mouth. I have thought long and hard about this. I hope that day doesn’t come cause I don’t think I could handle it. Well First, this is your child together, you and your husband are in this together. But, frankly it sounds like you are the only one in this. You are the only one suffering. This is your Husband’s mother and He needs to step up and talk to his mother. He should be the only one to say, “back off”!!!! Now about the lake dues, It sounds to me like she is making excuses to come around even More. Your husband needs to set boundries. I told my Husband that he is dealing with HIS MOTHER NOT ME!! Remember if MAMA”S(YOU) not happy nobody’s happy. I hope this helped out.
I wouldn’t care if she didn’t buy anything. My mother doesn’t. Only Christmas and Birthday and that is more special to me than car loads of toys that he never plays with. If she would just CHILL OUT and let us have some privacy rather than butting in all the time I think I can handle it. She is never rude to me to my face but very kniving and manipulitive behind my back to get HER way.
NO, just say no. one more stripe for the tiger. :o)
what else.
I agree with you. Kelly. this MIL kiss me and say pumkin pie in front of the family and hugs and kisses. all a big fake she is very kniving and manipulitive behind my back too. sometimes she gets her way, what can I do?
I have a situation which is not as severe as yours but this has helped… I asked my husband to take care of the situation for me. I told him that it is his mom, that I’m not comfortable confronting the issues but that he needed to do it or I was not going to be going around his mom anymore. Our issues were with choices that we have made about raising our daughter with which my mother in law disagrees. My husband did as I asked and things have gotten better. I told my husband that I needed him to step up and do this for me because it would hurt our daughter. I think that helped convince him. We had this issue for two months before he finally spoke to his mom. Good luck to you.
I wish I could stay I know what you are going to, but I can’t. I’ve been married to my husband for nine years now and we have two little girls. My husband is MIL first born, but not only child. SIL gave birth to her first grandchild a son. My other SIL gave birth to her second grandchild-another boy. We had the two grand daughters and they are the one who are ignored. MIL keeps my nephews weekends after weekends, but never my daughters. She’s never even been alone with the girls for an hour. (By her choice) I used to think she just didn’t like little girls, but SIL gave birth to a little girl recently who’s become the apple of her eyes. I’m not sure if she just don’t like me or just don’t want to be around my kids. BTW the girls are wonderful kids. They behave well and do well in school.