I’ve been married to my husband for 13 years. His mother and I have always had our ups and downs. She’s very controlling and opinionated….but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t deal with at the time. I quit my job 3 years ago to help my husband run the farm. The first year was great. My MIL was nice and we actually got along really well and had fun working together…so much so that I was even beginning to feel close to her….and then slowly she went back to her old ways….and then took “Evil” to an all new level. She plays mind games with me to try and make me look incompetent in front of my husband. An example would be: She would tell me to do something….and after I had done what she said….she would ask me why I did that and deny that she had any part in it…Or she would say something incredible nasty to me and then deny that she had said anything…just little things like that. Lately she has been going out of her way to let me know that I am not included in the family….that anything my husband owns is not mine. I bought a horse a few months ago from my uncle….just for pleasure riding and herding cows…she came right out and told me that if it was my husbands money that bought the horse…it wasn’t my horse. She talks badly about me to everyone….including my 11 yr old daughter. My husband is supportive of me and stands up for me but it doesn’t slow her down at all. Moving is not an option as we farm with my husbands parents. Her behavior towards me is so bad that I’m having trouble sleeping at night and all I could do during the day is cry. I did see my doctor and he put me on Lexapro to take the edge off of dealing with her. He actually owns land that boarders my in-laws and has himself had to deal with my MIL….not a pleasant experience in his opinion.
Anyway….here I am…trying to get along, trying to be nice….but how long will I last in this toxic environment. I’m thinking of leaving my husband…even though I love him very much…and it would be what my MIL wants….it’s a no win situation…
Got a mother-in-law dilemma? Post a question and get advice from real daughters-in-law, just like you! See a story you can relate to? Give advice and answer any of the questions posted by other daughters-in-law in need of some TLC.
Loading ...
Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
6 Responses to “My MIL: Creator of Hell”
Is it at all possible for you to work outside the home? I realize that farming is your living, but for you to be in constant contact with her is clearly not good for you. If you can get away from her for part of the day and work where you are valued and not undermined will do wonders for your stress level. I understand that you may feel like you are running away, but it is the dead they bury, the scared live to run another day. All I am trying to say, is this woman is already harming your mental health and your physical is next, if she has not already hurt it.
I really hope that you can get a job away from her. Good luck to you. And don’t let her steal the joy you get from ridding your horse. You work with your husband, so it is your money, too.
Talk about breaking the apron strings, I have thought about moving out just to make my mil happy, so she can have her baby boy back and leave me the hell alone. My in laws are very wealthy and have held money over my husband’s head all his life. Well, we have accepted being “poor”. I work two jobs, my kids are great and are straight “A” girls (I’m proud!), my husband has a degenerative desease, yet still works full time-and all we get is grief from the in-laws that they don’t get to see the girls enough. The girls don’t want to spend hours and hours with them because the husband verbally, emotionally, etc. the wife and it’s horrible to be around. Even when he’s not doing it, one’s stomach is cinched up, afraid of when it starts. She is as close to appearing like a perfect human being as possible. Her house is perfect and all beige, tan, brownetc., her hair is perfect, their cars are perfect, their yard is perfect. She is also a picky picky person, everything has to be just so. We are not like that at our house. It’s cluttered, crowded, exciting, fun, lively, colorful, we have pets whom we love. Well, since we don’t recieve money from them they can’t control us. This drives them crazy-I’m so sorry-but they act like we can’t be happy without their money and control. The sister-in law is really perfect (perfect body, perfect house, perfect but kisser) too, married to a CEO, millionaire. Well, sorry but we can’t take fantastic vacations or send our private plane to pick the parents up. We are poor and the happier we get, the less happy with us they are. The mil once said to me that if her son was happy, she was happy. WOW, she’s not happy and has recently told me how intelligent the girl is that my husband cheated on me with. How nice!! The mistress was married too! As if all the counseling and hell we went through to get over that wasn’t enough. This is one of the lowest blows ever, just because my daughter wouldn’t change her birthday party location and date to the in-laws house, and reduce the invitees to two. King Lear learned the hard way about real love as opposed to ass kissing and fakery. People that live through a constantly stroked ego go through withdrawals when some people are just normal to them. I have always been nice, in deference to my husband, but lately when things are going well with our marriage, she’s been just loony and just plain mean. The inlaws exploit my husband’s weak communication skills and so when they put him in the middle, it’s extremely hard on him. I wish when they die, they would just take all their wealth with them. They are not going to make a whore out of me. I won’t pander, flatter and decieve to get a reward. I’ll be nice to them for my husband and as an example to the kids.
If you want war, try playing mind games with her too!
change your ways of communicating with her, try to sound a little bit more demanding like “I Want…, I need…, I must…”
if it’s peace you want, just ignore her. I, too wanted to leave my fiance because of MIL but when I think about it, I dont want to do it because it’s not my fiance, it’s his mother….Just be glad that your husband supports you, at least he knows that it’s not you thats crazy, its his mother.
You should ask your husband which is less expensive; a new life or a new divorce?
I know what you are going through, married to a family farm boy myself with the “monster in law”. It was really tuff for the first 10 years, when my husband didn’t believe me about my MIL cornering me in the barn to let me know exactly how she felt about me or how she would say one thing to me and then another to him to start a fight between us. Finally, I realized that my husband was confiding in his mother and she was using this to her advantage. I approached my husband about the issue and he confirmed that he discuss our marriage with his mom and I explained to him that this made 3 of us in the marriage and he needed to stop. Issues were between him and I to work out. Well this created a whole new fire storm when she realized that he was not telling her everything anymore. So we worked very hard at our communication together and told each other exactly what was going on and what we said through out the day so she could not pit us against each other and I took comfort in the fact he now believed me and was sorry for the past. Talk and talk with your husband and just understand that these farm mothers have to feel like they are controlling everything and this will not change and we are not alone, believed me. Farm boys should come with a disclaimer “Warning, Crazy Mad MIL included”! I have heard of nice farm MIL’s, I would really like to meet one. My husband did leave the farm 3 yrs ago after giving it 30 yrs of his life. As you know farm family life has other issues besides the MIL and it isn’t always possible to stay. His family has disowned us and our children, they live less than a mile on the same road and have not acknowledge our existence for 3 years! I’m happy and I feel bad for my husband but he has come to realize your real family is the one whom loves you no matter what and supports you in decisions that you make for your own betterment. Chin up, you be the best wife and mom you can be and as long as you know that she cant take that from you. And it is up to us to break the cycle and be the better MIL to our childrens spouses. I have already promised my children I WILL be a better MIL than I got. Best I can do. Us farm girls need to stick together!
Susan, if your husband is supportive of you and stands up to his mean ol’ mother when she picks on you, then you should stand by him too. Don’t think of leaving when he’s on your side! He’s going through the same thing, it’s just in a different way. Stop dealing with her, stop letting her try to make you the bad guy, and let him set his own mother straight. Ignore her when possible and don’t be delicate about it.