Mother-in-law Hell

My relationship with my mil started out well, at least till I got pregnant with my first child. I guess when one gets pregnant, we lose our faculties, and are supposed to be easier to push around. My MIL asked me if she could be in the delivery room, I told her in a calm, assertive voice that I wanted to share this experience with my husband and ONLY my husband, and that my own mother was NOT going to be there. That same evening, she had my FIL call their son, like I had been overthrown from what I wanted.Just imagine it: A pregnant woman in the corner of the room, with her husband, fil and mil trying to conform her to their will. THAT’S HOW I FELT!!! (It’s weird, my husband was bullied in high school. However, I just found out he was raised by two bullies.)

PREGNANCY #1

I stood my ground. I told my husband the same thing that I told my mil. “No! Either both mothers were going to be there or NO mothers were going to be there! My birth was NOT going to become a sideshow for the circus!!! My husband still constantly went to bat for her. In the end, I was asking the nurses at my appointments what can be done if someone shows up for the birth that I did NOT want present? They told me they would call security. When I got home I told my husband that IF he still wanted his mother in the delivery room, I would have security remove BOTH him and his mother and they can be together in the waiting room. My husband did not particularly care for that.

PREGNANCY #2

Mil tried again…This time my husband stood up for me. They got into an argument on the phone. She even went so far as to tell him that I would have ugly babies….forgetting that at the time, her son and I had an almost 4 year old son.Just not a nice thing to say. Of course, to her disappointment, I had a girl the 2nd time around. She never had any daughters. She sure wanted to be here to hold my “ugly” child!

PREGNANCY #3

This time mil didn’t ask.(Did I happen to mention that my 1st was born 1 month early. My 2nd was born 2 weeks early, so we had no family around and did just fine.) Pregnancy #3, I was 6 days late, so my mom and brother were out here. Where were they when I delivered? THEY WERE AT MY HOUSE ENTERTAINING MY YOUNGER CHILDREN!! Exactly the way I wanted it.

Everytime she visits, everything is about her, like when my husband was supposed to pick up our 2nd child’s First Communion Cake, it got pawned onto my to-do list because she had to go to the Exchange on base. (Yes, my husband is a Navy Nurse.) Because of the type of person that I am, I put my child first AHEAD OF my own parents, who were very understanding, and went and picked up her cake. My parents have always been understanding….PROOF IN POINT: when mil first asked to be in the delivery room, I called my mom…TICKED OFF….I told her, “Don’t get any bright ideas about asking to be in the delivery room?” She said, “Don’t worry, I won’t!” Then I told her what was going on.They went on to say that my mil had NO business being in the delivery room and that was between ME and my husband.

NOW, my husband and I plan on legally separating.She’s had so many health related issues….(Fibromylgia, Bipolar, and suicide attempts. Her suicide attempts were always done a few minutes before my fil was due home from work.Part of me still feels it was all an act!!) and did I mention she also started smoking? Which none of my children want to be around!!

For our youngest child’s First Communion she invited friends, which I feel was inappropiate. You don’t invite people to someone else’s house. THE PEOPLE THAT LIVE THERE ARE TO DO THE INVITING!!! I guess she just marches to her own drummer. At times, she tells me that I wasn’t raised right, because I have never called her, MOM! However,a few years ago, when my husband was on the phone with a friend, I heard him trying to invite himself over….I confronted him on it, and he seemed shocked that that had something to do with manners. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

She also will NOT take any responsibility for the turmoil that she, herself, has added to our marriage. (Knowing that her son will put her before his wife and children must be pleasing to her, and that’s why she will NEVER acknowledge what her input has done to my marriage to her son.) This is what she said in a recent email that I refuse to respond to: “We know that it takes two to make a marriage and two to break a marriage. (FEELS LIKE THERE HAS BEEN 3 IN THIS MARRIAGE FROM THE GET GO!!!) So what ever problems there are, you and and our son are responsible for them. We hope that if the break-up does take place, you hold no bad feelings toward us.”

Needless to say, because of her mental issues, I will be stipulating in the divorce decree that the ONLY time they are to be around the children is when my children’s father, their son is around. If my children’s father, their son has to leave for any length of time, he is to bring the children back to me. They are not to be left alone with them.