My MIL has a sneaky way of being evil without anyone else seeing it. She acts all nice and wonderful like she is helping out and doing favors, but stabs me in the back at the same time. For our wedding, she talked us into having it on their same wedding day because nothing else was convenient for HER. So when she got the photographer, she had them take photos of her and her husband for their anniversary, which were put into MY wedding album. There were none of my new husband and I that were as nice as these. Half the album was of them! She also had the DJ do a special dance for them. It was like it was THEIR day, not ours. I told her there is no way I wanted the chicken dance played at my reception. She went to the DJ and that is the very first song he played! Then, she told us if we were to have alcohol at our reception, that not only would she not come, but all of her church friends and family wouldnt be there either-therefore, we had no party. The reception ended at 8PM! Everyone was bored out of their minds. Everything had to be her way or nothing. We had a wedding planner, but she kept putting her down and tried to run the show. Before the wedding, she and my mother, who was a single parent w/ a low income, sat down and she agreed to pay for some things. By the time the wedding came, she took back everything she said and refused to help pay anything. My mother ended up going bankrupt after the wedding. For the rehearsal dinner, which is usually paid by the grooms parents, she decided to become cheap and we had it in her living room where she set up picnic tables and fold-up chairs and cooked pasta! It was so lame! Everything for my wedding was second hand-from garage sales, hand-me-downs, etc. She insisted that we ‘borrow’ the bridal party gowns, so the color had to become the used dress color-teal-ew. She had some left over bows from her garage sale that became the other color. Her daughters weddings had all of the finest things and no expense was spared. She didnt spend a dime for her son if she didnt have to. It was horrible. I hated my wedding day and it is all due to her and her evil selfishness.
This post was submitted by Tracey.
Loading ...
6:04 am
I can relate to what happened to you. When me and my husband announced that we were having a wedding MIL said that she would buy my dress, which was the only thing that my husbands family was helping us for. When the date was set she backed off, she said that she did not have any money. I knew it was a lie because she had just bought a cathilion dress that cost almost the same as wedding dress for a girl that was not even her family. She even send it all the way to EL Salvador can you imagine the shipping costs. When we received our wedding book she refused to even look at it. I knew that if her other daughter in law was getting married or her daughter she would pay for the whole thing. Well I know how you feel and hang in there. What matters is that you and your husband had a lovely time together and that is what is probably eating your MIL alive.
1:21 pm
That’s why I’m eloping… Learned that after my sister-in-laws’ ruined wedding. It’s a shame that such a big event has to be tailored so that my MIL has minimal control, but on the other hand - why would I want to go bankrupt to feed a hundred of my distant relatives? “Open bar” is pronounced “Disaster-waiting-to-happen” in my family, and no one I know dances… So a DJ would be a cool grand down the drain.
I guess in the end, no wedding could actually live up to the expectations we have. At least you get to keep the groom.
4:08 am
I felt like I was reading the story of my life! Mine plays that same “I’m so nice” but really is an undercover evil witch. My wedding was dictated and made one of the most stressful nervewracking events of my life b/c of her. My bridesmaids even caught her talking smack about me to her 11 yr old grandaughter (who I was coerced into having as a “jr bridesmaid”…) Whats most nauseating to me is that she has 3 sons and she puts on a little-girl act with all of her “men”. VOMIT! She plays the airhead but she’s an evil plotter that one! Comforting though is when my husband said he’d rather have his teeth removed one by one w/ pliars and no novacaine than to live in that household! At least he did see a little bit of it…but he still plays to her to avoid all the nagging!!!
6:50 am
I truly understand your pain. This is a lesson to you to keep your MIL at a distance, speak to her a minimal as possible. The less contact you have with her, the happier your life will be. I did not include my MIL with any of my wedding plans, she bitched and cried about it but I was already through with her. All she knew was the date and where it was taking place. I didnt ask her for a penny and kept it that way. Sounds cold but the best way to let anyone know that you are no idiot and should be treated kindly with respect is to ignore them. It really works, still be polite but be as distant as you can.
3:19 pm
No offense to you at all…just an impartial comment — doesn’t it seem like she had much too much control when she wasn’t even paying for the wedding? I mean, I know how they can be manipulative (believe me, even though I was 25 and mostly paid for my own wedding and reception, I understand how they can work their manipulation “magic”).
If you and DH had paid for your own wedding, your mother’s own bankruptcy could have been avoided, and you wouldn’t have had to deal with MILs demands.
Likewise, informing DJ, etc. that you are the one with the check and you are the only one to give orders IF he wanted to be paid…works wonders. Ditto the photographer. (And didn’t you select the photos that went into your album?)
Just playing devil’s advocate…sorry if I made you upset. Hindsight is 20/20 but paying for your own crap is one way to unglue the tentacles, if you know what I mean Just a bit of advise for other MIL-haters planning their weddings. There will always be moments you look back on later and wish you’d been more firm, but that’s life.
9:03 pm
I can’t imagine why you’d let her have so much control when she wasn’t even paying for anything. It should have been very easy for you to tell the DJ exactly what you did - and didn’t - want played at your wedding. I understand it’s difficult to say no to parents, but seriously, you should have stood up for youself. By the same token, why were you not choosing your photos for your album? Nearly every wedding photographer allows you to do this. You should have said something.
Finally, I hate to say it, but I think it’s sick that you allowed your mother to go bankrupt for a wedding. I’m guessing both you and your DH are adults. Why on earth wouldn’t you simply pay for your own wedding if your mother doesn’t have the money? Both my and my fiance’s parents have plenty of money and would help with our wedding if we asked. However at 27 and 23, we’re managing to do it ourselves. If you didn’t have the money, you could have either had a smaller wedding, or eloped and had a party later, etc.
4:26 am
Are you sure we aren’t married to the same man??? Our MILs should be best friends!!! LoL
6:41 pm
Wow! I can totally relate. I’m still crying over what happened to me. My sister is getting married in a month and has a wonderful MIL helping her through everything. My MIL looked at me after DH and I got married and said, “Well, I guess I have to deal with you now.” This was after almost a year of treating me like dirt.
4:28 pm
OH MY GOD!! I would have beat her, seriously. If she had already ruined my day by making it all about her, why not beat her? She ruined it anyway, it couldnt get any better.
2:35 pm
Oh god!! I feel your pain. My MIL is just as sneaky. Have you ever seen Everybody Loves Raymond? There’s a striking similarity between my MIL and Marie. Unbelieveable. When I got married many years ago, my MIL asked about her dress. I mentioned a few colors I thought would go with wedding colors and suggested she choose which one would make her feel good and she had free reign over her dress style. That was fine with me, as long as it wasn’t white. Our wedding was beautiful, and lucky for her, I didn’t notice it that day, but her dress, in pictures, came up very white. She claimed it was silver. I mean, really? MANY people noticed it and made comments. One person, who knows nothing about his family or his mother, looked at pictures, and without anyone metioning a thing about the dress or how upset I was, said, “That’s HIS mother?? Oh, that’s SO intentional.” She wanted all the spotlight and it seemed to me like she wanted to marry my husband and still has a terrible time recognizing me as family. She just can’t accept that he’s grown, with a family, and very happy not under her roof. It’s been a struggle ever since.
10:41 pm
I am glad to know that I am not the only one errrrrrrrrrrr these freakin MILS. When my future MIL found out that we were engaged she didnt speak to us for a month. Unfortunately we live with her. She never said congratulations, didnt ask to see the ring or anything. She was rude and hateful, he would say I love you momma and she wouldnt reply. Now we told her last night we set a date, which is in 8 weeks. In her rude evil mocking little voice she said, ” thats not good, thats just not good.” That was all she could say and he had to yell at her for her to even reply that stupid remark. Im about ready to throw her in front of a train.
6:59 am
i feel it for you but you need to set ground rules and let her know you she will not treat you however she wants