My MIL is a huge enabler. She has been ready at moments notice to step into my wifly shoes and do whatever her son wants done i.e. cook his meals, handle finances get him drugs from her Dr. buy personal and family items, pay his errant bills, look the other way when he spends untolled money on street drugs etc. The ONLY thing my MIL does NOT do ( that I am aware of ) is have sex w/ my hubby. Mabe that is due to the fact that my hubby has been unable to have sex for the last 26 years!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! I am DISGUSTED by their relationship. NOTE: My MIL looked the other way when her husband ( now divorced ) repeatedly raped her then 12 year old daughter. My MIL retains unbelivalbe control over my Sister-in-law to this day!! I once told my Sis in law that if her Mother ( my MIL ) ever needed a colonoscopy, they would have to call in a proctologist the remove her first, so testing would be successful! HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
One Response to “MIL 3rd person in marriage”
Ieana,
My heart truly goes out to you. You have so many horrible, unacceptable things that went on your life either now or in the past. The way your mil acts with your husband and the way your husband accepts this help from your mil is really hurtful.
Whenever someone does something for someone that they can do themselves (e.g., getting medication) it is really hurting them rather than helping them.
You need to have a talk with your husband and let him know how this makes you feel. He may not be responsive and you may need to enlist the help of a third party to get him to understand. The two of you need to set the rules of your home and interactions and talk to the mil together about this AND stick to them. A move may be in order if it is impossible to get her to leave you guys alone.
However, you have more going on here… the drugs that your husband takes could possibly be a problem. I just don’t know. Only you know.
With respect to your sis in law etc., I know you can see the pain and control, but is likely that the kids will still protect their mom if you bad mouth her.
It is just horrible to learn that the mil looked the other way when her child was abused. Very very horrible that this happened.
Emotionally immature or unhealthy mothers often use their sons to fulfill their own unmet needs by their spouses. They actually replace their spouse with the sons. This habit likely started before you and the pattern will be tough to break. (DO NOT BRING THIS UP TO YOUR SPOUSE OF THE MIL OR ANYONE — IT WILL FREAK THEM OUT)