To cut a long story short, I am now living with my mother-in-law with my two daughters (17 and 13 years old). My husband moved out recently but I will get to why later on. My daughters are the only grandchildren she has. I have been married to her only son (and only child) for almost 20 years. When I first met her (almost 23 years ago) I wanted to break up with her son (we had been dating to about 2 weeks and she caused our first argument). He begged me to give him a second chance and I did. We got married and moved near to his parents. Being an only child, all his parents’ hopes and therefore pressures were focused on him. I am sure that they had to approve of his choice for a wife before he asked me to marry him four years after we had met. But I was in love and although I felt they were too close for comfort I still married him. When we had our first daughter his parents were besotted. My parents live abroad so I only get to visit them once or twice a year. My in-laws have always been very much in the picture. I did not mind them being around and spending time with their granddaughter but I felt some pressure with regard to how she was raised. I was shy and wanted approval, so I usually said nothing. Three and a half years later, my second daughter was born. Straight away, I felt that my mother-in-law did not want to spend as much time with her. She always wanted to take my first daughter out to give me a break when my second daughter was a very demanding baby. She never offered to take my second daughter out for a walk. Once, my second daughter was having a nap on our sofa in the lounge. She was about 18 months old. My mother-in-law was there and was sitting at the other end of the sofa where my daughter had her feet. She woke up as I was getting back into the room. She often woke up restless and crying. She kicked her feet up and down and happen to catch my mother-in-law’s legs. I was shocked when I saw my mother-in-law raise her hand and smack my daughter on the legs. But what shocked me most was the look of hatred I saw in her eyes as she smacked her. I will never forget it. When I questioned her she said that my daughter had kicked her!!!
I did not make a fuss and I should have done. I do not like arguments and I usually do my best to avoid confrontation but I am getting angry and fed up.
Unfortunately, almost 2 years ago we had to sell our house for financial reasons. I should never have agreed to move in with my mother-in-law (by then her husband had been dead for 8 years and she had been used to living on her own). It should have been for just a few months! Although she has been very welcoming and easy going about the whole thing, it has not always been easy. First of all, she cannot stand her son (she says that she has to love him because he is her son but she does not like him!) A couple of months ago they had an argument and the whole family got involved. She said things to my daughters which turned them and me against my husband. He had to move out. He visits once a week but my mother-in-law seems to get uptight around him. It is very much a love-hate relationship between them.
My marriage is at breaking point. My daughters love their father but don’t want to live with him.
In the last few months since we have been living with my mother-in-law we have all noticed that she favors my first daughter over my second daughter. There are things that the first one gets away with and my second daughter never seems to be doing the right thing. It is becoming more obvious and my first daughter is angry with this situation. What makes me most angry is that she says upsetting things to my second daughter when they are on their own. Very often my daughter does tell me and when I confront my mother-in-law she always has a good answer. She embellished the truth to make herself look good and reasonable. But I see through it now and I have decided not to leave her alone with my second daughter if I can help it. When confronted, she denies that she loves one granddaughter more than the other but we know it is not the truth. Even my eldest daughter knows it and she is very angry about the unfairness of it all.
I am putting pressure on my husband to move out as soon as possible. The situation has become unbearable and if we are to maintain some kind of relationship I have to move out.
Thanks for letting me vent my frustration. I feel so much better for writing this down.
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