I dunno if it makes me feel better or worse that i stumbled across this website and discovered I’m not alone in my MIL hell!
I saw warning signs when i was 5 mths pregnant that my MIL was trouble when at Xmas she started “warning” me that now that I was about to marry her son, and give birth to his child, I’d be expected to cook sunday roast dinners for them every week and have them over for xmas dinner every yr. I thought she was kidding and thought nothing much of it.
When I was heavily preg she started coming over a couple of times a week to clean / help and we got her a house key cut. I thought the relationship between me and her was hopefully strengthening ( my own family are a few 100 miles away) and she was just being kind. She advised me to limit visitors when the baby was born, tell them to call to check its ok to visit, sleep when the baby sleeps etc.
Well she was the only one who did not follow this advice, she was furious on day 4 of my baby’s life when we cancelled her 2nd visit to our house ( i was suffering big style with my milk coming in, bleeding nipples, breastfeeding was a nightmare, hormones horrendous etc) thought she would understand. Well she hit the roof and retaliated a few days later by charging into our house with no door knock or warning or phone calls. I was asleep upstairs ( the first time in 7 days) and she went mental cos i didnt get outa bed and say “good morning” or make her a cup of tea. I’d just had a baby!!!!!
Since then we have had 5 mths of stress and grief. She has told the whole family how “rude” i was that day, we have had several family members call us angrily to ask why they need an invitation to visit ( cos we asked if the PILs could call us before they visit, there own advice!!!!, which i dont think is out of order just sensible )my baby was admitted to hospital for a few days at 3 mths old due to acid reflux and they blamed me saying i made him ill because i selfishly breastfed him when we should have listened to them and given him a bottle on day1. His dad was shouting and wagging his finger at me telling me it was my fault and that they knew far more than me, DH, docs and paeds, even tho by his own admission he “dont do babies” and hasnt spent more than 10 mins with my baby son! Once they had finished I gave them as good as they gave me, i hate situations like that however.
This is basically because my poor DH has been raised by 2 ignorant controlling bullies who never let him grow up and be an adult. He is still so attached to his mum it makes me mad, he is jeapordising his future with me and his son cos he is reluctant to admit his parents are trouble makers and needs to realise his family now is me and his baby.
My MIL has said she wants to have “access” to my baby son with me not being there (which i refuse, he is my baby not hers!!). All this is terrifying me, all i want to do is take my baby boy and disappear into thin air. The PILs have wrecked the first 5 mths of my life with my newborn and I can nver forgive them for that, i am scared they will ruin the rest of my life and dont know how to escape… 
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Advice
2 Responses to “It’s my baby not hers!”
Cut these toxic ass people off.Start putting up boundaries. Change the locks to your home. Do NOT GIVE YOUR IL’s access to your home. If they show up uninvited, don’t open the door! It is never ok to drop in on someone uninvited, and unwanted and be entertained. Especially after they are recovering from childbirth! Your hubs needs to grow a set and stand up for you or you will have big trouble. Quit being nice to these nincompoops!
You have a husband problem. He might need counseling to learn to stand up to his interfering, over controlling parents. Preferably a marriage counselor that specializes is troublsome in laws. I can’t believe he let his parents blame you for a very common ailment amongst babies, during a time that was very stressful for you. You need to start standing up for yourself if your husband will not.
Do not let them disrespect you in your own home. If they do, show them the door. Personally, I would cut off these wack jobs and tell your husband he can go and visit whenever he likes but until they treat you with respect and apologize for their rude, toxic behavior you and your baby will not be visiting!
I have had the same problem for ten months now. My inlaws told everyone that they needed an embossed invitation to visit after my husband asked them to stop coming over unannounced. Every morning at eight in the morning, my doorbell would ring, and there was my MIL. She plays the whole “poor me” deal and throws a fit if she hears my mom has watched the baby. To this day, I still have not allowed her to be alone with my child despite her begging. I saw things she did with her other grandkids that made me cringe long before I was pregnnant. We had a blow out last week. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with her watching the baby because of her seizures (she fakes seizures when she doesn’t get what she wants—or says that she had one). She started crying and telling me that she needed to be alone with the baby. I told her I thought she was crazy. I told her that I was her mother and she could either visit under my conditions or not at all.
I know it’s tough to do, but she will manipulate and walk on you until you put your foot down. I had to accept that I was going to be the bad guy.