Hi All,
I would really welcome your opinion on this. I do feel it may be related to the topic of this site but perhaps not in an obvious way. My boyfriend of 18 months ended our relationship a few months ago. We were very close and it came totally out of the blue. He gave no explanation except that he thought I was wonderful and had no desire to settle down with me. I had not been pushing for commitment but I would have been very happy to when the time was right. He is approaching 40 and has never been married or lived with a girlfriend.
During the relationship he was very reluctant for me to meet his parents although they live very close. I did meet them twice. On both ocassions I felt that his mother was a little frosty to me and I did not feel that she liked me, although she did not have the chance to get to know me. My ex and his mother were very close and she would call him every morning. I tried to respect this relationship but it did really hurt me that she was not interested in acknowledging me as a major part of his life. Our break up was unexplained and he has told me that he thinks I am a beautiful person, that we got on so well, that we have the same values but that we were at different stages and he feels a pressure to settle down. I have told him that I would be happy to settle down but he does not seem to want to do it with me.
Many people have told me that they think his closeness to his mother is too much at that age and that I have had a lucky escape from someone who could have been very difficult. I feel so hurt that things have not been explained and that someone who spent pretty much 6 days a week with me has suddenly stopped our relationship, cannot tell me why and is now on online dating sites looking for someone else.
Do you think my break up could be to do with her? A break-up therapist told me it probably is but he would not really be aware of things. I feel as if I just couldn’t measure up and do not know what I could have done to love him more, or be more flexible about his family. Maybe he just got bored of me and I am reading too much into this. Any thoughts would be gratefully received.
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Advice
8 Responses to “Is this at all familiar?”
from experience with stupid MIL…its because of her and be thankful. they never go away, you are always wrong…no matter what. mine all started in jan. 05 i met the man of my dreams. we were perfect for each other always laughed and talked just had a good time. i had 2 kids from previous whom he adored. he told me that he didnt know where his mom was. i thought good no MIL. well within a month we moved in by march we found out we were having a baby! he was so excited, as was i. he then talked to her by the time he was done he was crying. in april we bought a house. the end of may he flew to them to go on a trip, at the end of two weeks they would come stay a week at our house. within a week she had him convinced the baby wasnt his, he didnt love me…this came out the day she left. i moved the next night. 9 mos later when baby was 4 mos old they met him, after dna and several crappy emails to me. after he met him we got back together and got confirmation she was the mastermind of it all. the 1st year of being together again we didnt tell her. when we did she is all fake. she has told everyone im a big fat cow. im not pretty enough for him, thats not his baby, the list does not end. girl just be thankful youre not entering a life of hell. thats what she will attempt, she will go as far as he allows. for whatever reason men are still sucking the breast. be happy. seriously.
Hi Kate,
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Your story sounds so upsetting. What an unnecessary thing to do to a person. Your comment about her going as far as he allows is very interesting and I guess if the guy is weak then the wife can suffer a lot. I hope you are finding support here with others in a similar situation.
Thanks again.
Dear waistcoat,
I think sometimes we do think our MIL or future MIL have something to do with it. I would say in most cases….YES. Well, sometimes things happen for a reason. You have to love someone enough to let them go. If is meant to be they may come back. My husband called off the wedding. Broke up for a bit. 7 months later married. Have been for 15 years. I am sure this never made my MIL happy. She said alot of hurtfull things in 7 months. Still doing it. Sometimes Love is Love………
I cant believe hoe much power these mil have PLEASE someone must save our generation of men in my opinion . I live with a full blown mamas boy he is sooooo brain washed by her it’s sick I will not and do not let her sross any boundaries or i speak up for myself you deserve to have the love and respect just you from your husband on a different level then his mother she got that from fil spoiled tended to its your turn now to be spoiled we are living in a different generation of men ones that mothers cant let go of them and they cant let go of mommy
it took my hubby 3 years to get the balls to tell his mamma off and for her to stop being a pain in the ass.We’ve been married for 16 years now but those first three years before we got married were hell for me. She still calls with dumb excuses but Caller ID is a wonderful thing.
thanks for the encouragement. i found this site out of being frustrated and just at aloss. this time my hubby is working out of town and its half way between our house and mil’s. she is driving 10 hrs to see him. this happened the moment he left our house she called him with her plans. this time im not sure what to do. i just know how upsetting she has been to me.
oh one more thing…i have two boys and a girl. i just promise myself everyday that i will not be like her when they get older.
I just posted a similiar story. But mine ends with divorce. 2 weeks ago, out of the blue my husband tells me he wants a divorce after 3 years of marriage because his mother thinks i’m rude. I have NEVER been rude to anyone in his family. This issue has came up about 4 times before but when I asked my mother in law about it, she denied saying anything about me. But I know she’s lying. My husband wouldn’t just make it up. If my husband doesn’t wish to work it out, then he obviously has some very deep “mommy” issues that I don’t want to be involved in. Just be glad you didn’t marry him.