without an invitation during busy workweek? Okay, here it is.
My Mother In Law lives about 2 hours away. My husband work ALOT and are lucky to get one good afternoon together a week. She just decides to come visit us whenever she wants, usually with very little warning. We have a really small house, so when she visits she sleeps (with her 15 year old daughter) in our living room. She always comes over on work days, so we don’t have time to clean up or really visit her at all. We have a 2 year old son, and during the workweek we try to stick to our routine (you know, dinner and bedtime). On SEVERAL occasions since we have been together she has decided to come to town on our only day off, or when we have had other plans, or on a stressful time at work when I have had to work early the next day etc. THE BIG PROBLEM IS: With Holiday season approaching, am feeling the need to law some ground rules. I am a retail manager and therefore during the months of November and December I cannot have or request even one day off (and business triples). Last Thanksgiving, we told her (and my family) we would be spending the holiday with some local friends. She decided to come over the 2 days before Thanksgiving instead, even though we were busy working. Then, on Thanksgiving Day she attempted to talk us into allowing her to stay “just tell your friends to come over and I will cook for you.” THEN, FOR CHRISTMAS we decided to have it with my dad(for the first time, we had it with her the past 3 years). She, once again came to our house, stayed Christmas eve, until the minute we got in the car and left. We got to spend less than 24 hours with my family, and just week she gave me a guilt trip about it.
I mentioned my feelings to my husband recently, and suggested we create some rules, at least for the Holidays. No coming over without being invited, and if you come over on a work-night you have to stay at a hotel (which is no financial burden to her). I told him that maybe if we had a bigger house, or if I wasnt the one spending most of the time with his family (he works too much) it would be easier. He thinks that is TOTALLY UNREASONABLE. Help! I am leaving out all the details, like how she calls him and guilt trips him about everything, how she treats me etc. Should he really leave our door so open to her like this?
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
2 Responses to “Is it really over for my MIL to stay the night..”
Personally, I wouldn’t answer the phone or the door when it is her. She needs to learn that there are boundaries. Looks like you are the only one who can set those boundaries.
When I first read your story I had the image of my husband and his mommy sleeping outside my house on the street in sleeping bags. If my husband wanted his mother to sleep in the same house with him I’d tell him that he would most certainly be welcome in her home. There is no way in hell I’d let my MIL sleep in my house. Even if it meant locking the damn door and throwing fire balls out the window.