We have been married for 1 year and together for 7. I am sure my in-laws HATE me! My husband turns into a COMPLETELY different person 2 or 3 days before they arrive and for 2 or 3 days after they leave. I wonder why he wouldn’t want his parents to know that he loves his wife. I think if I could understand the change in him it would help me to calm down when they are around. He becomes a straight up jerk….bossy, demanding, won’t look at me at all, pushes me away, doesn’t respond (ie. I say thank you, he says nothing). Of course he denies all of this, I am crazy! I feel like he is ashamed of me and I am completely unwanted!
My Husband feels like he has to scrub everything we own before they arrive(they will check). My MIL can’t help herself she will rake our leaves, trim our trees, spray our foundation, fold our underware and on and on. The problem is she compains about how she had to work so hard at other people’s houses. It was even in their Christmas letter to everone they know complaining about how they don’t feel like they are retired because they work so hard for other people. HELLO WE DON’T WANT YOU TO!
My MIL is cruel and acts totally innocent. She drives me crazy following me around telling me how I shouldn’t go out after dark, answer the door to trick-or-treaters, spend money on haircuts, burn candles, buy things without coupons, and on and on. I am terrified, they will eventually live across the street from us and run our lives. We will never be able to by anything unless it is from a yard sale or thrift store and I will never see my husband! She has no value of time, she would spend 6 months and 40 gallons of gas to save $20.00. So I can only imagine when she can’t do that for herself my husband is going to have to do it for her.
HELP
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Advice
3 Responses to “Is he ashamed of me - Can we last??”
Okay I think your husbands response may be from the way he was raised. If she complains now she probably complained when he was growing up, so he does his best to make it easier on both you and him. but however hard he tries she finds something to complain about. He may go into Jerk mode because he wants to get the stuff done, or maybe it’s the way his father treated his mom, or there may be some other reason. sons will always be terrified of what their mother thinks of them, it’s just how the world works. As far as the mother in law goes, if I had to put up with that I would just let her have it. Tell her what is on your mind, you can be nice and say thank you for the advice I will take that into consideration or you can be mean, but I would try the nice way first. Hope this helps and I’m sure if you’ve made 8 years you can continue to make it.
I was going to reply but Jordan took the words out of my month!
also My husband gets uptight when I am upset and nervous when my in-laws come over. That could be part of it he might sense you being tense and not know how to handle it. Men don’t know what to do when their wives are upset especial when its at their mothers they take it as you are mad at them. and lash out at you .
Good luck
jenn
Bull hockey! He is treating you this way because he is cow towing to what his parents want. He is treating you cruelly and for what? To please his unpleasable parents? You guys should get some counseling with a counselor that specializes in in law relationships.
Your husband should not be allowing his parents to come to YOUR HOME and completely take over and treat you like dirt. That is not how a man acts. A man stands up for his wife and (nicely) tells his mother to shove it. You are married to a boy and you need to get thee to counseling so that an objective person can point out to him that it is extremely damaging for him to treat you like dirt to please his parents.
Anyone who loves you, would not treat you this way and allow his mommy to come into your home, take over and then put on the martyr act. You need to set strong boundaries. If she starts cleaning, insist that she stop because she is a guest. If she will not or complains about your house keeping, look up the nearest hotel and have them stay there. Really, you have a huge husband problem, but you already know this. Marriage counseling…like yesterday.