I have been with my fiance for 4 years and we are getting married in 2 months. At the beginning of our relationship MIL was sweet and kind and very giving. Upon year 2 of our relationship things went downhill. It started with snide comments about the way I dressed or the way I looked or the way I responded to questions asked. Then it turned into an awful gossip session after I would leave his house. Such as “can you believe what she said?…etc. It started to turn really ugly after we bought our house. She would make comments to my fiance like “She has live a princess lifestyle with everything provided for her, once she realizes how hard things are when you live on your own, she is gong to pack up and move out” The worst was when her father became very ill last summer and she called to ask for my help and advice. As I work in long term care she thought I would be able to answer some of her questions, after stating numerous times that I was not an expert, I gave her my advice on such things as power of attorney and power of personal care etc.. She thanked me profusely for the advice and not even five minutes later she got on the phone with her other son and other family members saying that I thought I was an expert and that I was after the family’s money.
My fiance had NEVER been a relationship before and I was his first girlfriend. I’m wondering if she thinks that I am replacing her because I’m not. She continously makes comments when I’m not around to my fiance, his brother and his wife, as well as numerous other family members. Do I sit down with her and call her on it and risk being thought even less of, or do I do it and hope that it will improve our relationship?
Erin
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
4 Responses to “Is a “heart to heart” worth it”
I would keep a journal of all the lies she tells, the when where and whom. When you have had enough, call a family meeting and lay it all on the table. If the one’s that are repeating the gossip……..are against this . . . tell them you would rather they not repeat her slanderous comments to you. I cannot stand it when people spread gossip and ask me not to involve them. My DH would never tell me what the MIL said, he knows that we would march right over to her house and confront her. If you want a peaceful marriage, you better put an end to this now! Good Luck!
You don’t want to mess up your relationship with other family members in the process of fixing your relationship with the future MIL but you also don’t want the situation to get too out of control. A good place to start might be to talk to your fiance and see what he thinks would be the best approach. Afterall, he definately knows her better than you do! Just tell him how your feeling and that you’d like to get your feelings out in the open and settled so that it doesnt create a bigger problem than it already has. If your fiance isn’t enough help then possibly talking to other family members you are close to or someone that isn’t directly involved in the situation, but is familiar with the other person involved would be a good idea. Hope it works out for you!
I’m just wondering why in the world the other family members are running and telling her everything the FMIL is saying. The MIL’s so called family, including her other son….. Sounds like a bunch of trouble makers to me. Perhaps someone is jealous and is passing lies between the two of them or purposely made the MIL dislike her. I would get them all together and clear the air. I’ve seen jelous DIL’s do this to one another. Something is off here and it’s not just the MIL!!!!! If DH was going to do something, he would have stood up to his mother when she talked her stuff to him………………………
Something else to think about . . .
Unless the others are agreeing with the MIL, why would she continue with the slanderous insults towards the DIL? This does not make sense.
Of course this wouldn’t ring true with the FDH….. the MIL feels she is guiding him. (eyes rolling)