I have inlaws who feel like they need to have a say or be a part of everything my husband, 1 year old son and I do. They are controlling over my husband and will snub me whenever they can. When iwas having my first baby they did not respect any of my wishes as a mother and still don’t. I am now pregnant with my second baby and am l;ooking for advice on how I can avoid the stress of my first labor this time. My inlaws showed up at the hospital first thing in the am when I was supposed to be getting induced. As my labour was already starting I got moved into the birthing room for the big moment. My mom and husband were to be in the room with me and nobody else. My inlaws came in and would not leave. as I am not overly fond of inlaws i was a wee bit stressed about this. the doctor and nurses had to push them out the door and tell them they were to wait in the waiting room. As i was in labour and full out pushing mode my father in law opened the door to the labour room so he could hear better, and my doctor left me to kick him back out and lock the door and put laundry carts in front so he could not bother us again. Once baby was born my husband walked out to tell the family who were all waiting that it was a boy, he didnt have the baby because he was being cleaned up and I was still trying to deliver the placenta. my mother and father in law proceeded to come into the birthing room while this was all going on to see baby. I was absolutely appaled and the doctors and nurses furious. What can I do to avoid this situation again this time when they have no regards for what I or other people think.
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
10 Responses to “interfering and controlling”
I had in-laws like this. My mother-in-law was unbelievably demanding and controlling. Fortunately, they didn’t live near us. I kept contact to the minimum and encouraged my husband to be the family rule setter.
If you think there is a situation where they will interfere, anticipate how you will handle it. Have your husband tell them….”You are not allowed in the delivery room” or whatever. Then when they show up, remind them of what you agreed to, very very firmly.
Now I’m a mother-in-law and I stay wayyyy out of their lives, probably I’ve gone in too much the opposite direction but that’s what I’m comfortable with - and I assume my kids are, too.
Don’t tell them you’re at the hospital! Just telling them not to go in the room obviously didn’t help before. Going as far as to upset the medical staff! Wow…they are oblivious!
Hmmmmm….Have security on standby!
Your PIL are unbelievable!!!
If you’re going to the same hospital then hopefully they’ll remember and will give you a locked room from the beginning if you ask. Or, if not, then tell the new one and hope they are understanding - they should want to help you have as little stress a possible.
Also, tell your husband not to annouce the birth until you are holding the cleaned baby - and looking like the perfect new mother.
…Or move.
I agree with Temeka. I would also look into going to a different hospital in another town if possible. And I would tell them about the birth while you are in the hospital so that you can use visiting hours or what have you to get rid of them. Good luck to you.
I applaud the mother in law who left a comment that she stays out of her childen’s lives. Good bless you for understanding.
My marriage is falling apart as I type this because I raised my voice and stood up for myself after repeated badgering and belittling by my MIL every single day during the past three months while she’s been living with us. Now she is playing the victim and crying in front of her son saying, “And what did I do to deserve that she yelled at me?” He is blaming me of course because I am younger than her and because she is his mother. Well, mother or not, she should not play God, and should be respectful as everyone else. Anyway, I feel anger and frustration and want to scream that I am the victim here. She should apologize and her son said she would not because she might have dementia and that’s why she is so cranky. Let me tell you, I’ve had it.
I can empathise with you. Though I’m not married, my boyfriend’s mother is insane. She is paranoid, uneducated and always gossiping. She didn’t cut off the umbilical chord and is always calling my boyfriend in hysterics. She loves being a drama queen.
If people don’t respect your relationship, in your case, the need for privacy, your husband must speak to them on your behalf. In anticipation of your next pregnancy, inform the doctors and hospital in advance that they cause you stress and ask for a private room.
You could also try moving to another continent if all this fails. I plan to move to Africa to escape my boyfriend’s mother. I am going to find a place with limited telecommunications.
I feel your pain. My in-laws have caused so many problems since the
birth of our first child. I will also be delivering our second baby this fall. You must be very firm and very specific with regard to visiting, frequencey of visits, etc. I have found that not only my husband, but also I have to spell the specifics out to my mother-in-law. For years I have tried to sit back and let my husband carefully deal with my in-laws, but only when I have voiced my own rules, has the mother-in-law been on better behavior. Do not think that they will get better over time. Controlling and interfering people do not change. They just want to do what they want without any concern of the parents’ wishes. Also, what has helped me has been to cut out all telephone calls and return calls to the in-laws. Let your husband deal with them. They are not your responsibility.
Good Luck, Be Firm, and Enjoy your Life!
Do what I did, ban them from the Hospital. That’s what I HAD to do with my In-Laws.
My mom in law is pathetic. I don’t know what has gone wrong in our relationship. From day one she was not satisfied with the marriage arrangements and abused my parents for that and even ear poisoned my husband against my parents. My husband doesn’t go to my parent’s house and doesn’t even talk to them and this is all because of my mom in law. In past 2 1/2 years of my marriage uses use my husband as a tool and now when he doesn’t say anything. She provokes him against me and keeps on repeating that I have insulted her though I haven’t done anything like that. I don’t know what’s wrong. She is a single mother and very much insecure.
If they have absolutely no repsect there is something wrong with them. I find it totally disgusting what they did to you. I don’t believe they would like it if the roles were reversed. Tell the midwifery team before hand that your in laws are not allowed to visit at the hospital. Let the in laws see the kid at home and if there rude there tell them its time to leave. Your husband should be supporting you with this.