Mother-in-law Hell

So, honestly, I have the nicest, proper, well-mannered, member of the church choir Mother-in-Law… to everyone but her daughters-in-law. That being said, she does everything in her power to exclude my SIL and myself from anything family oriented, refusing to deal directly with us and only making family related plans with our husbands (her sons). As many of you can probably relate, the plan never gets relayed to us WIVES who write on the calendar, make the plans, and keep everything organized…

My MIL is condescending towards my family and me. My family and my husband have a very good relationship. My hubby and Dad are extremely close, and Mom treats him as MY equal. I admit that I am extremely jealous of the relationship that my husband has with my parents. I could only wish to have that relationship with his parents.

She has a distinct set of double standards reguarding all 4 of her children. My husband is the second oldest and is heading up their family business that his parents are slowly retiring from. Therefore, he’s under constant scrutiny. MIL wants to know where each and every penny spent in our household goes. I also have a decent job along with taking care of ALL of the household chores. BUT - Somehow I have the time to squander all of my husbands hard-earned monies. We are NOT in any financial dilemas. Far from it, acutally. BUT - she makes it sound like we are on the brink of financial desolution. She tells my hubby what we need to invest in and that our investments are silly.

Going along with the double standards - my hubby and I couldn’t even think about living together before we were married. It was our choice not to. We chose to respect ourselves and our families and wait till we said ‘I Do..’ One week after we got married, ONE WEEK, my youngest BIL and his girlfriend of 6 months move in together. MIL is over at his house 2-3 nights a week helping them settle in… helping them paint… get their yard in order… Can we safely say that was a big slap in my face. She has never ONCE offered to help us out with anything domestic. The only thing she has ever offered was criticism, which my hubby didn’t take lightly.

My hubby and I don’t have any kids. We’re clearly at the bottom of the priority list because of this.

MIL really isn’t the vocal type when it comes to her hurtfulness. She has made a few remarks, don’t get me wrong. She does it all with her condescending, controlling, excluding, and what have you…

The last thing I would ever want is to hinder my hubby and his mother’s relationship. I would never make him choose me or her. Of course, I wish she would butt out of our lives and our decisions more. I am the only one who is hurting by this dilema. MIL either doesn’t know her effect on me and my SIL, or she just chooses to keep her head in the sand (or up her butt) and pretend that everything is just peachy. SIL and I are to the point that we can’t stand to even be around her and exclude ourselves during family functions. Again, un-noticed by MIL. Or maybe she just likes it that way so her “little boys” are all hers for a few moments.

I’m the only one who’s hurting by this lack-of relationship. I’m the only one who is appalled to go to family functions. I feel uncomfortable around her because she makes me feel like such an imposter in HER family.

She doesn’t understand that her children are all grown and are starting families of their own. Her children are heading up their own households now.

I honestly don’t see this getting any better. I’m tempted to lay everything on the table with her and see where it goes, but I know that she wouldn’t let me say my piece. She’s constantly talking over me and treating me like I’m some sort of moron.

Anyhow, thank you in advance for any advice or comforting words!!! I’m just at my wits end with nowhere else to go!!!