Hi everyone– needing great girl advice here. I have been with my fiancé for 7 years and we went to middle school together. We have been engaged for 6 years twice. I know it sounds funny, right??mWell I’m starting to think he asked me to marry him thinking it would take me off the market but let the wedding plans drag. His parents are srict Catholics and always downfall me in front of him and the whole family when there’s a gathering. It seems like they have them to tell me I’m a rude person when all I do is take them back. I have had trouble with them since day one. They like me but when they drink, I’m a loser! I have no family here and I’m planning on paying for the wedding with no help. It’ll just be thrown in our face in the long run. Trust me– been there done that.They want me to become catholic but there’s one thing. I’m Christian, and we live together and have 2 girls! Duh thought you couldn’t do that. He is the oldest of three boys and I happened to pick a mama’s boy. Why do they think were taking them away? Don’t ask.The wedding date has been put off a few times already because all we do is fight. He really wants to have it out here. Mind you again, I have no one and they have 200+. He doesn’t want to get married until his mom feels comfortable with me. He knows how she is and his dad too but keeps asking me to please just get along with them. They act like nothing happens the day after. My hopes are falling and he still wants to put off the wedding for a few more years. I will never give them the time of day but would show respect for them at the wedding with small talk. I don’t want to punish his family because his parents are asses. Even talking to him doesn’t work. He says we don’t have the money, time or anything but we shop like no other and were always eating out. I think he really wants me to be friends with his mom like he wants to have her help plan the wedding. What to do… I’m going to flush the ring soon! Thanks girls I feel better =)
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
16 Responses to “I’m flushing the ring he can marry his mom!”
So they drink and than trash you? Do you think your daughters need to hear that? I would pack up and move far enough away that your mommys boy would need to decide who is really important in his life.
You go girl, you made the right decision. My MIL had the same situation w/ my sister-in-law, she is still blaming her for everything 6 years later after she married her son. I got married last year, but if I knew this is what I have to deal with, I would not go down the same road again!!!!
he wont marry you unless his parents are comfortable with you!? WTH!?!? You are better than that! dump his momma boy ass!!!! ARGHK it makes me angry!!!
Hey, it will never get better. You are young, they will be alive for a long time, and you and your boyfriend will probably have them living with you in their old age. go go go
I have been married to a wonderful man for 26 years now, momma very, very catholic and I just a low lutheran. I kept my mouth shut but also shut the door to our house soon after marriage, she was an in or out mom, as in control all or ignore. I did every family dinner and kept my mouth shut
Finally after 26 years my husband has seen his mother for what she is and loves me even more for just keeping the peace and putting up with her. We recently have moved 4 states away and when we go home where both our family’s live he makes no demands on me to have to see his mother, I make no demands on him to see my family. So, if you love him just take some zanex and put up with the never ending holiday dinners and the snide comments that come with those. And sister, at least yours have booze, mine has a m.i.l. that lets no one talk but her and she controls all and her food sucks. And she won’t give us so much as a glass of wine to numb our brain or make her food taste better. There are 3 boys and one is married to suck up of all time, last time home was best quote from my sister in law, she was going to slap that freakin suck up smirk off the other sister in laws face and I said honey she just has stonger zanex then we do. I think she should share. I think at age 40 was when I just said no more to my husband and now he has to put up with his mother himself. I don’t regret for a minute the 20 + years I put up with her as my husband is awesome. Its his mother. There comes a time for all in a marriage where you can finally say what you think but don’t ruin a good thing early by making a boy/man choose. I can tell you that a controling momma owns that boy for a good 10 years before they start to give the wife any respect. And I shouldn’t say respect, I should say before you have had the years in his life that the momma already has had. But never do a me or her thing. Frankly I always got the kick out of leaving the house with his hand in mine and giving a wave and smile. 
And for happy endings he talks to her now very rarely and does the visit as needed when we go home and I am not expected to go with. Nor does he expect me to talk to her. First 10 years of marriage I had to act like I really liked her.! Hang in there if you love him and it will be worth it. Hold the ground on the big issues and let the little ones slide. The old saying, pick your fights.
Good luck!
This doesn’t make sense, he wants to wait to get married until his mom feels comfortable with you. Yet he doesn’t mind living with you and having 2 kids with you when she is uncomfortable with you. This sounds like a red flag to me. I would totally re-think this relationship.
It sounds like it’s time to move on. But I would rather pawn the ring than flush it away. Use the money for a little vacation for yourself. Perhaps sometime away will help the situation. In fact, yeah, you may not want to rehash your relationship with him. As a Catholic, I know that in the bible it says that “when a man marries, he LEAVES his parents for his wife” so your man and his family should now better. You guys are civilly married, assuming you live together, and they need to respect that. He needs to grow up..way up. It sounds like you are way more mature than he is and therefore deserve way better. You go girl.
Let me tell you…he has a choice…(please don’t take offense) either he stops sucking his mom’s left tit or be with a family that he has already started. His mother and father has done enough…now it is time for him to leave the nest…you and your girls are his family now he has to think about what is best for you guys not her. If he dosen’t then that is his fault and his problem…he has to figure out what is important in his life…unfortunately guys like him need to be given an ultimatum if not it will continue going the way it is. I apologize if I did offend you I’m just blunt like that!! I hope things work out for the best.
trying to be friend will get you no where but hurt. Tell him on no uncertain terms that its you and the family you have created together, or the one he is supposed to leave… quote that from the bible if you can find the passage… I know its in there.. A man shall leave his parents and a woman shall leave her home… something to that affect. Best of wishes to you. You do need to do whats best for you and your girls, with or without him, as much as that hurts.
First, you can become Catholic at any time regardless of your living arrangement or having kids.
Second, your husband isn’t going to change, neither is his mother or father, so my advice to you is to adapt to it however you see fit. (Even if it means leaving.) If none of them respect you now, they never will, and you have to take care of yourself. There are so many men out there who will love you and your girls the way you deserve.
Trying to get along with the future MIL will only cause you grief.Trust and believe,I know first hand.I have been married to a wonderful man for a little over a decade and I tried my hardest to get along with my MIL,in fact bend over backwards only to get hurt.Not only do you get hurt,but the spouse and the children.
This man of yours seems likes he has problems with commitment and his mom will not ever help that situation. So i’d either tell him you cannot continue to live on a rocky foundation and leave him, or look him straight in the eyes and take control. Don’t blame it all on your man or his mom, you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into so it’s your choice to pull yourself out or leave youself in that miserable situation!
Hi Lani3,
Your husband needs to support you and if he hasn’t in all the years you have been together I wouldn’t expect it to change. There are more fish in the sea and their parents would love and accept you the way you are. It took about a year of marriage counseling for my husband and I to sort out our issues but my husband was willing to see what was happening and what his mother was doing. We still have times where it is really difficult because everything goes back to the way it was and it gets really hard to deal with. If your in laws are so “religous” they shouldn’t treat you like that. If your fiance is interested in dealing with the issue go to counseling if he isn’t I would move on because there are families out there that arn’t nuts…I still have yet to find them but I hear they are out there
I hear you. Don’t let them control you. If he is waiting and debating let that punk marry his mamma. I am going through the same thing, but we are married and it only cost 50 dollars. We didn’t wait on anyone’s approval or see if they could come. His mom is saying crap all the time like we aren’t married and all this bull…, but I don’t care. She isn’t going to stop crap. If your fiance had any cajones he would do the same, leave out the middleman and marry you and your girls. forget about having somebody’s approval. As long as you have God’s approval you all would be ok. But if he still on that other crap let him marry his momma, and then tell him to do so and move on. Don’t marry no punk.
RUN Sweetie! You will find someone else. Momma’s Boy will never EVER become man enough to tell his parents where to stick it. This could also be like you said, a tactic to get you off the market.
GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!
hi
Any guy who doesn’t defend his girlfriend does not deserve to have her. It seems to me that he is having a problem being assertive with his parents. If you have been engaged for this long and there is still no wedding date, and when there is, it is cancelled, maybe u 2 should not get married. There is too much drama and it is affecting you, your dauthers and your bf. Think about it, do u want to continue living like this? Life goes on!!