When I was about to get married, the Parish Priest warned me about my mother in law to be. He said she was a very stern woman and the family had a lot of difficulties. I assured him I loved my fiance and that was enough.
Well it wasn’t, my mother in law has been driving us crazy for 20 years now. She has been harsh with our children, so we could never leave her alone with them. Also she is very caustic and critical in her speech. Says things that are very difficult to forgive, like telling me last May when I had a breast biopsy that I probably had cancer and I should give my husband the freedom to remarry. Constantly giving unneeded advice. I could go on and on. She is just a foolish woman who has gotten away with her behavior too long.
This post was submitted by nancy.
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5:12 pm
Hi Nancy - Jeez!! What a lady huh. I feel for you but know this much, you are not alone with a MIL who has a dustbin for a mouth. My sister has the same problem with her MIL, infact when my sister lost her much awaited for baby earlier this year, it was her good ‘ol MIL that then told her that she deserved it and God was punishing her!! It easy for me to say, i know, but there are women out there who suffer at the hands of their husbands mothers. I just think they’re sad, miserable, toxic women who are so disspointed with their lives that they spew out poison. Its a shame for me to say this, as i like the person i am and wouldnt want to change, but sometimes you have to become like the pther person in order to deal with them. I know it will be hard (its taken my sister almost 20 years) but stand up for yourself, even if it means telling your MIL to ’shut up you witch!’. Dont be afraid of changing your personality because of the way she is trating you, you’ll only be changing with her and not anyone else, so you’re core values will still be intact. TC x
9:12 pm
Nancy,
Look, you are letting this woman control you. I’m pretty glib and can come up with some pretty great comebacks that stop people dead in their tracks and then I walk off. It shuts the other person up immediately and it lets them know you won’t let them control you.
For example, she says you probably have cancer and should give up your husband so he can marry someone else. You say, ‘You know that’s a great idea! Let’s call him together and tell him the news!” or “He’s the beneficiary of my $1 Million life insurance policy, so I’m not so sure he would like that!” Then just walk away.
Unneeded advice? “Who asked you?” Then just walk away.
Critical comments? “Gee, why don’t you tell us what you REALLY think?” followed by a derisive snort.
Hurtful comments in front of your children about your children: “That may be true, but at least my children have good manners, something which you are sorely lacking.”
In the meantime, make it a habit not to share any information with her -for example, keep all medical and family issues to yourself.
9:57 pm
Damn well you know whats funny though, When my husband & i were getting married, his mother was the VP of the church we go to and my husband had mentioned during our marriage counseling to the pastor, who was interning there at the time, that his mom was a very bossy and demanding woman, expects things to go her way or she would turn the other cheek and just become this nasty b#$tch.
Well after my husband had told our Pastor this, weeks later we heard stories from his mom that when she would tell pastor what to do with the service or the church and how things should be run. All of the suddent the pastor would get all defensive and try to tell her calmly that she didn’t want to do things this way or that way or whatever and my mil didn’t like that the Pastor was not “listening” to her and thought she was giving her attitude but really in reality it was my mil that started the attitude mess.
The most funniest part of this whole story was my mil emailed the Pastor a nasty letter stating that she was horrible as a worshiper, couldn’t wait till she left, and she was a poor excuse as a Pastor. Well then my mil had decided she wasn’t going to mail it but instead of hitting delete, she hit send and the next day when she went to work, she got a talking to by the Pastor. But my mil didn’t say sorry about the email, she blamed this poor pastor for making her type that message and how dare she would get attacked the way that she did. My MIL was portraying herself as the victim of some verbal abuse, but in reality the Pastor had a right to be pissed off.
So all thanks to my husband saying how his mom is a control freak got the Intern Pastor to see the true colors of this so called “Christian Woman”. Basically i think the Pastor knew what i was getting myself into also, all because she experienced it first hand. So yeah if that pastor would of said to me…BEWARE OF THAT WOMAN!! I would of kept that in back of my head.
6:23 am
That is a long time to take her crap. I feel so sorry for you for what she is putting you through. I have been with my husband for five years and it is just getting worse. Our MIL must be drinking out of the same water hole……something in the Louisiana waters??? Your MIL sounds insane…I think that is hilarious that the pastor saw her through her own words. I wish my MIL and SIL would put both of their feet in each others mouth.
9:31 pm
Nancy,
Poor thing, I have another comeback for you in regards to your MIL’s comment on giving him permission to take another wife.
You should have responded, “…maybe he could get another mother too.”
Good luck with your biopsy, it can’t hold half the venom that your MIL does.
1:46 pm
I think I would have by now told her to keep her opinions to herself and as far as you were concerned she was a spineless evil little toad and completely ignore her fromthat point on, to the extent of looking right through her and pretending you just don’t see her, I wouldn’t even acknowledge her presence at any future function or place were the 2 of you are.