Mother-in-law Hell

I am sorry, but I do NOT AGREE WITH YOU! I am also a mother of a son and daughter…. I fully expect BOTH of my children to LEAVE ME and cling to their SPOUSE. If they were to take my side or consider my feelings before that of their husband/wife, I would be disappointed and feel that I had royally MESSED UP in raising them. This is the Lord’s PLAN! Your son should respect his wife and broker the relationship between the two of you. Unfortunately, we raise our children to leave us. Your sons first concern HAS GOT TO BE for his WIFE…. You are a guest in their marriage.

I’m sorry, but I do not agree with that at all. Especially the ‘Don’t drag your hubby into it’…When a man creates his own family, she (and any children, should they have any) becomes his primary family.Now, I come here to read the stories (I think because my grandmother ruined my parents’ marriage, so in a way, I can relate), but my mil happens to be great!She respects boundaries, we get along beautifully, & I truly love her.You say that sons will leave you once they marry?Um, no, not really-they leave you in the sense that you are not the main woman in his life anymore, but that’s called growing up & having an adult relationship.My husband most certainly didn’t leave his mother, we’re very close to her, & include her in alot of things we do.

I don’t agree with you. This has nothing to do with seeing both sides. The women posting here, truly have MIL making their lives hell. Do you notice that the majority has said that they tried to get along with their MIL? I know I certainly have. And I’ve “turned the other cheek” and forgiven her over and over. But there comes a time when enough is enough. As for your comment to not exclude the children, that is just ridiculous. If my MIL is going to trash and disrespect me in front of my children or too my children, you bet your boots she is not going to see them. I will do anything to protect my children and if my MIL does not respect me, she loses the right to see my children. My MIL has gone too far, and I’m done with her. Never again will she stress me out, piss me off, or get the chance to make her little snide remarks in front of me. If you get along with 4 of our daughter in laws, and you truly are a good MIL, then good for you. But done trivilize what we are going through with MIL’s from hell.

If I have to hear the saying: “a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life, but a son is a son till he takes a wife” one more time from my MIL I’m going to snap. If thats the case then back off lady, you have way more contact with your son than I or my sisters do with my mother. And I agree with “Your sons first concern HAS GOT TO BE for his WIFE” Some MILs can’t stand this and feel like they are being neglected. My MIL EXPECTS a phone call from my husband at least 3 times a week. If he doesn’t then she emails me asking how we are and she hasn’t heard from him in a while (one week is obviously a while). I moved almost an hour away from my family (my mistake) and we live 10 minutes from her but she feels the need to let us know she’d like to be included if we are going to do this or that with my family. This has really caused some issues with my husband and I. Of course he feels the need to defend his mother but it was almost bittersweet last Christmas when she let it be known she keeps track on a calendar of her contact with her sons. All this time he defended her saying that she doesn’t expect anything, but that just blew his defense out of the water. The holidays are coming up, wonder what will be brought to light this year.

I totally agree with the other replies…once a son or daughter takes a wife or husband that is their primary family and like “DILRESCUE” says YOU are a guest in their marriage. Yes, they will always be your kid’s, and you will be there for them but they are adults now and they get to make their own decisions, be them right or wrong. My kid’s are not married yet, but have significant others and we all get along great because I don’t interfere with their lives and only give advice if asked for it and I never, ever disrespect what they have with their partners.

I have to agree with everyone else. You are not going to mistreat me and still get my children. Besides if she is mean to you then she has the ability to be mean to your children. My MIL is crazy. She likes her pills and her sleep. Oh and she will be happy to keep your kids, in the middle of the day while she sleeps off her drugs. They can do whatever they want. SIL kids love to play by the busy road!! If they get bored they can play in all of her pills she leaves out! But if they wake her up she will go crazy and let them know exactly how much they are loved but shouting I HATE YOU!!! (SIL doesn’t care who keeps her kids) That is why as a mother of 5 children I haven’t had a babysitter in 10 years! Family you just got to love them!!!

The best revenge is to be everything dear sweet MIL could never be!!

Jan, if it is any consolation, I agree with you, and believe you have tried to be a good mother-in-law. I really feel for you that your family destroying daughter-in-law put your son in a position where he felt he had to choose you or her. It is one thing to put one’s wife first, that is how it should be, but to go so far as to cut off your MIL from a relationship from her son is WAY OVER THE TOP. If your DIL REALLY loved your son and put HIM first, like it seems she expected him to do, this would never have happened. Her actions prove there are DILs from Hell, too. For that matter, she is more than likely a controlling, manipulative, narcisstic, bully of a wife from Hell, too. I feel sorry for your son that he is married to such a cruel, mean-spirited woman, and also that he is totally spineless.

I also agree with you to keep hubby out of it. For crying out loud, be a WOMAN, fight your own battles, and deal with it. Gosh, if I ran to my husband everytime my MIL said or did something I didn’t like, the poor man would have no peace. Further, he’d have no respect for me, and NEITHER WOULD MY MIL! Get a clue!

And you are right, it is unfair to use the children as a weapon and not let your MIL see them UNLESS there is a really good reason (children’s safety, well-being, etc.)

This site is amazing. I see a lot of anger here. I also see a fair number of intolerant, spoiled, “poor me,” “I am woman, hear me roar” harpies who are under the delusion they are God’s gift to any man’s mother. Some of these girls, YES, GIRLS, need to grow up and realize that a man’s mother is only human and makes mistakes, too. Wow. Whatever happened to love,kindness,forgiveness, and for cutting people some freaking slack?