I OFTEN wonder why there are sooooo many problems btwn DIL and MIL (and SIL a close 2nd). There are many books written about it and tons on info on the web about it… wish i knew the “dynamics” involved here, maybe it would give us all a lil insight and help us. I have TONS of stories, here are the TOP ones!

1. While celebrating a family member’s b-day at a nice restaurant, future MIL tried to talk my future fiance into buying an expensive car instead of a ring for me (”after all”, she said, “you should be out having fun at this time of your life” - he was 35 at the time, not 21!) She was shouting about this at the restaurant at the dismay and shock of all the patrons (everyone was looking at our table). She talked about me as if i was not even present, the b-day person was so embarrased that he escaped to the bar. I decided i was no going to stay and listen or take any more abuse so i wished Happy B-day and got up and left….(crying). After that, i think she thought that she had run me off because her OWN daughter’s wedding was 2 weeks later - she didnt think i would be there (because she thought she ran me off….) and invited a girl to the wedding to set her son up with. I attended the wedding in support of my future fiance (a ring was already in the works - i knew about it because we picked out the band together) and the bride. It was obvious to most at the wedding what was going on with the invited girl, which totally embarrased the bride AND my future fiance (and of course, upset me when i found out about it - my future hubby was trying to spare me).

2. My MIL loves to draw a line in the sand where holidays are concerned… pressures my husband to be with his family (i am his family now….) for xmas (which is out of town) but reminds him that there is no room for me. After he says “no thank you” to her offer, she waits about a week and pressures again. (like she never asked in the 1st place….therefore trying to re-create the tension all over again). Then, on xmas afternoon, calls him and asks him to come up then…..of course, w/o me. relentless!

3. She always talks to anyone that will listen about all the reasons she is mad at me, etc…. but will NEVER confront me about issues. I end up hearing about them, sometimes months later, from other people…… all the while, she is still mad at me about something i knew nothing about. These are things that, IF she had confronted me, would be immediately solved - but I have learned that she DOESNT want that, she wants reasons to dislike me and talk behind my back. She did this at a family reunion. It was a chance for me to meet some of my husband’s family that i had never met. I found out a few days into the reunion that MIL/SIL had pretty much trashed me to anyone who would listen. Well, an uncle got sick of listening to it and told my husband what was going on. He said “I just listened to 3 hrs of stupid reasons not to like your wife” (he already saw thru them). He said “you have a real problem on your hands with your mom and sister and you’de better address them or it will cause some serious problems”. (he had been dealing with them, but they continued….so we had as little as possible contact with them, of course then I was accused of “taking him away from his family” —>they were driving him away as fast as they could, but they couldnt see that.) What i thought was going to be a fun experience (meeting aunt, uncles, cousins, etc…..) turned into hell. I hated what was being said about me at the time, although many saw right thru it. I wanted to fly home from the reunion early. I felt like i was walking on eggshells, like anything i said would be twisted and turned into something it wasnt - and like i was being “baited” in many conversations. I was so afraid just to have a normal conversation with anyone. In the end, my MIL and SIL ended up looking bad.

3. After my wedding, my MIL invited her best friend (from another state) to visit. I had never met her before but heard all about her from my MIL. We had a very nice weekend of visiting with her - she’s a very nice person and i like her a lot. At the end of the weekend, before heading off to the airport she said “It was nice to meet you, there is NOTHING wrong with you guys.” I said that it was nice to get to know her as well…. but, WHAT???…something WRONG with us??? (said that last part to myself) Of course, my MIL, for years, had been filing her head with all the reasons that we are weird or not right. She even spoke badly of her own son (my hubby).

4. MIL chooses to do nothing for my b-day, but goes overboard for everyone else’s—>right in front of me. (everyone sees it) It is so obvious to all around that she treats her son and myself differenty than everyone else, yet she expects her son to be at her beck-and-call (after she had just bad-mouthed him).

A year or so into our marriage, she realized she was barking up the wrong tree (she wasnt going to change, so we decided that we would change how WE deal with her….ignore her - not the response she wanted!) so, she went off to war with other battles (not us, which was a nice breather!)

5. A few weeks ago, hubby and i purchased an expensive item. I found out, thru the “grapevine”, that she was FURIOUS about it… WHY WOULD SHE BE???? this doesnt affect her at all in any way, shape, or form…she is insinuating that we cant afford it (right after she spent years of saying that we are such penny-pinchers - kinda contradicting, huh???) She has absolutely NO IDEA of our finances or what we earn, and i shouldnt have to defend our purchase - its none of her business! Of course, she hasnt confronted us about it, out of curiousity OR concern, she just wants to talk nasty about it behind our backs… i honestly think she doesnt want us to be successful or happy… otherwise, she would have just said “very nice, congrats” and let it be…

i, cannot, for any reason, see why this would all be out of jealousy (which others have suggested) because she is very successful and has everything she has ever wanted. I have held my tongue and walked away soooooooo many times, after all, i feel that its my husband’s battle (to deal with his mom), not mine—>and i know, all too well, that it would be a losing battle for me to say anything to her. Lucky for me, my husband has put me and our marriage 1st and chooses his battles wisely. (some arent worth his time or effort - others actually make us laugh). One thing i have learned…. YOU CAN NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN, because just when you think all is behind you and you’ve moved on (past the relationship prob with MIL because you are getting along) it will find a way to rear its ugly head once more. Its sad, because i would love to have a better relationship with MIL and SIL since my own mom and sis live far away - but after 8 years, i can honestly say that they have never taken the time to get to really know me or given me the opportunity to develop a relationship with them. (after all, they told my husband, when he confronted them, that i have never done anything wrong to them, that they just think that i am not friendly) They really dont even know me….. Their loss!

There are tons of other “jabs” and attempts at causing problems for us, but i have let them go in one ear and out the other….

This post was submitted by Deborah.