So, my FMIL is ridiculous. The wedding is in 9 days…and I want to scream! First she demanded that all 99 of “her” guests be invited to my wedding, then told me she didn’t see what the problem was. This argument occurred in my driveway while my neighbors were outside! (by the way, my fiance and I are paying for this by ourselves). When the RSVP’s began to arrive she wanted to “see” a list of the RSVP’ers. I knew she was just being nosey so I printed her a list of “her” people that had not RSVP’D. She then got onto my computer to look at the invite spread sheet and told me she just wanted to see who was coming. I don’t see how this is her business. She wanted to wear a dress similar to the bridesmaids, it was spaghetti strapped, chiffon material that cut low in the front and went to her knees. She has told me that she has taken more time off of work than I have, and that she “can’t wait to decorate” I will go crazy if she is there!! I told her that food was not allowed in the church, and she still asked what she could bring for the men to eat. Now, our wedding day is on the same day as her friends and she wants to do something special for her friend. I think I am being gracious by having the d.j. announce the woman’s birthday after all my sisters birthday is the day before the wedding (she’ll be 21) and were only announcing hers. She bluntly told us before we got engaged that her and her husband would not be paying for anything. They didn’t have help so they won’t help us. If she knows how frustrating and hard it is to do w/o financial help, then leave me alone! I will do things my way after all it is my wedding. I can’t take it any more! The whole wedding experience has sucked! Not one moment of it has been for my fiance and I, its only about her………….
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
11 Responses to “I cannot hold it in any longer!”
“She bluntly told us before we got engaged that her and her husband would not be paying for anything. They didn’t have help so they won’t help us. If she knows how frustrating and hard it is to do w/o financial help, then leave me alone!”
BLUNTLY tell her to cough up some money or get off of your back . Tell her BLUNTLY that you don’t need any help, you want her to be surprised. Lock the doors while you decorate. You better set boundaries NOW or she will make your whole life HELL. Turn into Bridzilla. Good Luck!
I’ve been married 12 years and my mother in law treated me like crap and there are times I wish I would have got the hell out when I could. If he lets her treat you like crap now, what makes you think he will change when he’s really got you trapped? Or you could think he’s worth all of this crap. Remember, it’s a lot harder to get out after marriage and kids. Let me know what you think.
I second that, Betty Lou! It’s all about setting boundaries from the beginning, and making sure your boyfriend/husband is doing the same and the two of you are backing each other up.
Holli, you MIL had no right to expect to add to the invitation list if she wasn’t going to help financially with the wedding. She has no business being on your computer, or looking at your guest list, looking at your guest’s info, or checking to see who has RSVP-ed. Since she has already crossed boundaries, it’s time to draw a very clear boundary that starts now (the wedding). Make sure your husband is in on it, too. Don’t let her control your lives, put down the law, and in time she will get over it.
I realize many have a hard time with confrontations. Some find it easier to write a letter stating your feelings. It would be great if your FDH would sign the letter too. Sometimes it takes awhile to wean these big boys, and some let go immediately. The best of luck on your wedding day and please let us know how it goes.
I’d start before your legally married to your sweety pie!! Put the freak in her place…..I wish I would have stood my ground early on but, I didn’t so, I feel like an volcanoe just waiting to erupt…it has been five years I have been with my hubby…and I still haven’t said what I really think towards my MIL and evil SIL…I will probably explode like a mad woman b/c I hold it all in.. So, let her have it now. Are you’ll end up crazy feeling like ,ME:(
I am not sure about all the wedding stuff. Mine was called off. Partly do to MIL interfering. DH and I went off to get married 7 months later without anyone. Stand up to her and have your wedding be all you want it to be. Make it your day not hers. You will hate her and your DH later if you do not have YOUR wedding. OH! I see you are married now…..I hope everything went well. Let us know!!??
Omg I am in the same boat. My mother in law told me when my fiance was going to propose and where. He took the diamond out of the ring his father gave her (they are divorced) and had it set in completly different setting.She thinks its her ring. When he gave me my ring we had had set a date of sept.20th she said to me “If u make it to sept.” omg that floored me. Now that im less than 30days to my wedding. She feels left out.cause i havent told her anything she hasnt payed for 1 thing and when i do tell her stuff she always compares it to the 2 weddings that she had. and says she did hers by the book (well excuse me if u did the 1st one by the “book” u wouldnt of had a 2nd)Planning this wedding has really sucked and now my mom want to knock her the hell out and so do i. The grooms mother has really nothing to do with planning a wedding. Its all about the bride and her mother. also she is jelous because my fiance’s father and step mother have paid for my flowers ($1300) and for my rehersal dinner. They treat me and my fiance like gold. My mother in law plays guilt trips on my fiance to drive 3hrs to see her cause shes sick with stress from the wedding. and he cant just stay for the day it has to be over night. She gets irrate when he tells her he cant stay over night. she goes in her room locks the door and threatens to harm herself wont even let her husband in the room. Then he (the step dad) proceeds to call my fiance and play another guilt trip on him. The Step dad is a pawn man. I cant take this anymore Its causing major problems between my fiance and I and hes too chicken to say anything to her and shes too stupid and emotional to comprehend. I just dont know what to do anymore shot of punching her lights her. and telling her that my fiance and I make decisions together and that she needs to back the f up.
Gals, get the boundaries set before you tie the knot! The engagement period is a time of learning to let go of the families of origin, and it’s a time when each of you learns that you have to be the person to deal with your families when they get out of line.
My husband was so very good about standing up to his parents when they were disapproving of me. My daughter’s fiance had to stand up to his mother (and she INSISTED on it, telling him that if she didn’t come before Mama, then he wasn’t ready to be married).
You don’t need all the drama, just be very clear about the fact that the two of you are one and that your families are not going to interfere with your marriage.
Good luck!
If you think she’s controlling now — just wait. They fight harder the more they feel their kids are pulling away. I’ve lived it, and it only gets worse. Listen to people who have been there.
I’m getting married in nine days and I have had the same problems. But, my FMIL and I finally had it out for an hour over the phone, and I had to set boundaries. I told her that I was sick of hearing about the “no children thing”, we are having an adult reception and she is upset with it even though she doesn’t have small children herself. I told her that we are paying for it ourselves, etc. and that she seems to be the only one with a problem with it. Then she said something about her friends not being invited, and I told her that she never mentioned this when I asked her who she wanted to be invited and why is she mentioning it now and had she even thought about the fact that my mom’s friends are not going to be there either and that my family has to drive across country to be here for the wedding. Then she got mad because I asked her to come dressed to the wedding. She wanted to come in and dress with the bridemaids because her daughter is one, and she wants to comfort her and make sure she is alright. And, then she got mad because all the bridemaids have decided to wear their hair down and her daughter was going to wear it up. Then she started to tell me how she did things this way and did things that way, and I told her that just because she does things a certain way doesn’t make them right or wrong for that matter. But, I was proud I stood up to her. I still feel the conversation shouldn’t have had to happen as she really is silly for getting upset over the things she had. And, I did change the place for the bridesmaids and I getting ready to the hotel my family is at (without inviting my FSIL, but that is another story) and not having my FMIL there. Wow, didn’t mean to make this reply so long, but I suppose I needed to vent too. The purpose of this is to say that it is soooo important to set boundaries and you feel better for doing so.
hey guys my mil is a nightmare she does my head right in I’ve just had a baby 4 1/2 months ago and she is so interfering like when I was pregnant I looked around for childcare as the waiting lists are huge! she knew this and yet when I got a place she told my sil that she was hurt and gutted and that she thought she was to look after my baby fulltime when I went back to work hello what bout my family? selfish bitch! also she doesn’t keep that well so she’s not fit enough to do it in the first place and as for my sil she a self righteous I love me who do you love? She was shouting at me asking where are me and my fiance going get the money to pay for it? its her business because? am sooooo fed up with her at every turn my mil cries if I don’t give her her own way any advice guys oh it my future mil not married yet