Well, my husband and I had a baby about 6 months ago and everything between the mother and I was just fine. But oh how it changed.
I have a child from a previous relationship and she was always nice to my son.
My husband and I are from different ethnic backgrounds and I never thought that that was a problem for anybody. But now i don’t know what to think.
Ever since her new granddaughter came around I am always hearing that my daughter looks like everyone else in her family and she looks nothing like me. Like she looks like my husbands 5th cousin whom is twice removed more than she looks like me. I’m unsure if I’m overreacting.
Then it was a couple of weeks ago she humiliated me in front of everyone in his family and said that my son is not family because he doesn’t share there last name! I couldn’t believe it!!!
I don’t know what to do, my hubby said something to her about it, and she said that she didn’t mean to be hurtful…….puhlezzz!!!!!
I don’t know what to do about this!!!!!! Help!!!
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
8 Responses to “Hurtful Mother-in-law …please help!”
AYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEe Man I can hear it in my dreams ! “our” children are from my 1st marrage also. We met when they were 2 and 4, and married at 4 nad 6 years old. ( now 37 and 39, so not exactly New comers to the family )My sone had his first child and was so proud and happy. 2 months later another grandchild had a child and my husbands mother was gushing all over to everyone about her ” First Great Grandchild” Our son looked on in disbelieve and asid, what do you mean first. Chris was the first. and she actually said, well you know what I mean, BLOOD. I hate tags, step, adopted etc. a child is a child ! DO not make them feel differant. I am sorry your mother in law has no manners or class. Sad things is, the kids usually remember it, the preferencial treatment etc. Husband has to make it clear to her it will NOT be allowed> they are to be seen as the same, can not favor one over the other. Or her rights are restricted/ Harsh yes. But copmpared to how it will make your son feel. its nothing !
your husband should be firm and let his mother know that he HAS 2 children.. and if she is not going to acknowledge that..and if she still pulls the antics then if you are in a crowd and she says something have him correct her by both and including both kids. And at that point just leave the situation. She will learn after missing out on the kids.
7/1/08
Lisa hit the nail on the head!!!!! Take a stand and hold firm to it BOTH YOU AND YOU HUSBAND. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. Once she sees that you BOTH are serious, it may not end the remarks, but is will cut them down considerably. And when she does get her little “digs” in, just ignore them. Easier said than done. It may take a little while, but in the end you will be able to chaulk one up for the good guys!!
How dreadfully hurtful… what a horrible, mean, insensitive thing to say or worse, feel. You and your husband need to have a talk and then come together and sit your mil down and let her know the ground rules and how you feel. You need to let her know that every child in the family is a part of the family, regardless of whose sperm and egg it is (sorry to be crewd) and that ALL children WILL be treated equal and that all children are “OUR” children.
Another thing to be careful of are the kids feelings. Kids sometimes (but not always) are oblivious to how horrid a grown up can be. If this is the case, and your mil corrects her behavior, do not let your kid know about it… and truly let it go…
It will be important to get this past your family now… Good luck.
Thank you so much everybody for your advise and support. I talk to my hubby about it and he is understanding. But he thinks that I need to forgive her and forget about it….and just to let you know she hasn’t apologized to “me” she said she’s sorry to my husband and he relayed that to me. Let me ask everybody something……..does that count as an apology??
Not really, but sometimes its better to let sleeping dogs lie! Just continue to be as cordial as you can under the circumstances…..EVENTUALLY, she may come around. A half hearted apology is beter than none at all. God bless and good luck let us all know how things are down the road
WoW as aNanna of 6 (2) of which came before both of my sons, this breaks my heart.I love those girls every bit as much as I do the other 4, sometimes it is akward when someone ask how long my sons have been married in reference to the girls age,I used to explain but it is none of their bussiness as these are my grandbabies.. I feel that you should ask your mother n law to coffee or lunch out and tell her after you have placed your order that she truly broke your heart when she made the remark, and if this is how she truly feels to please spare your childs feelings and keep it to herself. Let her know you love her and so does your child and your husband and yourself would like to be the one to talk to him about that when the time is right, but for now you just want him to be loved and love his new family…Family is from the heart not the blood. GOD BLESS YOU and your new family..
It’s so hard because we’d like to speak our feelings and tell our MIL’s where to go when they do hurtful things. But unfortunately we have to hold our tongues and take it.
It’s hard to know how to handle the situation. I’m so sorry about what she said about your son. Downright cruel. And about how the baby looking like everyone but you….again, nasty, unforgivable stuff. And then they say they don’t mean it. Yeah right!
I think it’s mostly your husband’s responsibility to be the bad guy and put her in her place. And of course you have to stick to your guns about what you feel is best for your daughter. Remember, you are in the driver’s seat and hold all the power. You are her grandaughter’s mom. She really should think twice and treat you with more respect, bc you can potentially alienate her from her precious granddaughter and son.
Good luck. You’re not alone!!!!