Help, my mil is driving me crazy. My DH is wonderful but his mother treats him like crap, his father is a codependent basketcase who also treats him badly. When my DH was a teenager, before he moved out of their house, they demanded a portion of his paycheck for rent and not his sisters’, they stole $1,000.00 out of his bank account and then laughed in his face about it, and discouraged him from going to college while they were helping his sister pay off all her student loans. She has turned my DH and his sisters against each other, and she seems to enjoy their strife. When we first started dating, she complained about all her problems to me until I told her to stop - it was ALWAYS someone else’s fault. The witch also told me that they only had my DH because his father wanted a boy. Now, my mil tries to run our lives and uses every visiting opportunity to tell us all our problems. I try to avoid them as much as possible on the holidays. My house is in good order, but when they come to visit, my fil brings his toolbox, walks past us to check all the faucets and light switches and insists that we need to get things fixed, no matter that there’s nothing wrong with anything and that we are happy with the state of our house. Also, 2 years ago for his birthday, they bought him groceries for birthday gifts: yes, a 10 pack of Dial soap, a case of Progresso soups, and a 50lb industrial size bag of popcorn and then told him all about the extravagant gifts they bought his sisters. I was highly offended! To get them back, my DH bought them groceries they would never use and couldn’t return for xmas that year. I think they got the message after that. Now, their health is declining and they are trying to use that as a guilt trip. Luckily my DH is seeing through it. A therapist told my DH to cut them off because they are toxic, but he’s not ready to do that. He’s trying to find his comfort zone in dealing with them. In the meantime I need help to maintain my sanity. They are 2 hours away thank god, but I am panicking because they are showing up at my house tomorrow for my DH’s birthday. I wish they would just stay home - they never actually buy him things he wants anyway, but I need to support my DH. How do I keep from beating them up tomorrow?
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Her name is Patricia. By day, she is Mrs. Corporate America, by night, she is an “Ann Landers” of sorts. Patricia is the founder of the internationally-recognized website, motherinlawhell.com.
Advice
4 Responses to “How to deal with abusive mother in law?”
Just bide your time.
and bite your tongue. as long as your hubby stays on your side
it will all be over asap
She just wants her baby back and you out of the pix
I don;t know about that. Tell them if they can’t respect you, your husband and your home they are not welcome there.
Why should you take the abuse?
Hang in there Emily! You are doing the best you can. Try to keep your immediate family protected and insulated from her as best you can. I have been at this mil hell thing for over 19 yrs now, and I wish I could say it gets better, but it is basically, you win some and you scream some! Make sure you talk often w/husband and let him know his mother is causing probs. I told my dh that i would gladly deal w/his mother if he didn’t! That took care of a lot of issues. she still calls every day (makes sure only when i am at work and ALWAYS when she know he will be on the phone w/me-we have set times we call everyday since we work diff shifts.) she plays the ‘poor, helpless me’ act to the max. when his dad passed away and told my dh that he wanted him to have his truck, the mil from hell hadn’t even buried him and told my dh he could have it when she died (since she wouldn’t live much longer anyway…she was only in her early 60’s) and yes, she too, stole money from him/us and the dh wouldn’t listen until cpa asked about the missing funds. i have gotten to the point that i try to interact only to the point that i am comfortable. btw-she is a lush too. my kids are old enough now that they too see her for her manipulative ways. she also plays favorites w/my girls. they are identical twins! she gives one 18k gold jewelry and the other old rags from goodwill……….hang in there and save your marriage/family and insulate from her as best as you can! that is winning! that kills my mil~she is NOT the queen (that became my job when I married, she had the role in HER house, me in mine!)
THe first and best thing you can do for your husband is love and support him. Allow him time to see and judge his parents. Fortunally your inlaws live hours away mine live right next door. YOu can remain calm and be distant to them and make them get the picture by not having friendly chats or visits with them. Ignore them when they are around and when they are around make your self scarce as much as possible. Going to bed early, running errands, staying away from them. They will get the point of your cold shoulder and stay away. When my overbearing inlaws pop in and its easy to do they only live 500 yards away, I dont talk to them, I leave the room they are in and leave my husband with them, I dont talk to them on the phone, I dont go to or invite them to any events. They finally get the picture, Stay away from me and my family they are not welcome. Trust me I could write a book on the reasons I turned on my inlaws. Just put them in their place.